A meme

I got meme'd. A friend sent this to me. It said to finish the sentences...

1. My uncle once:
got us special parking at a White Sox game by telling the parking attendant he was "Doctor Shitheimer" (pronounced Shit-high-mer), and even produced a bogus business card. He said he’d need to be close to the entrance in case he was called out in an emergency. The attendant gave us the spot right in front of the entrance.

2. Never in my life have I:
ever enjoyed being called by my formal given name. I’ve been known by a nickname since day one.

3. When I was five my parents:
taught me how to make martinis and margaritas, old fashioneds and Manhattens.

4. High school was:
typically unpleasant, but improved greatly when my parents began to travel extensively, leaving my twin brother and I alone for months at a time. Then it was wonderful.

5. I will never forget to:
tell my son I love him, every day.

6. Once I met:
Richard Nixon, and he had the slimiest handshake I’d ever received.

7. There’s this boy I know:
who is incredibly bright and funny and joyful. Too bad so few people know him the way I do.

8. Once, at a bar, I:
was bumped into by Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears. He nearly toppled my tray of drinks, but I managed not to spill a drop. He was so apologetic, even after I told him it wasn't necessary, he bought drinks for my table all night. (Which earned me the awe of all my friends.) At the time, I had no idea who Walter Payton was, but they brought me up to speed immediately. I thought he was just a really nice guy.

9. By noon, I’m:
on a roll, since I’ve been up since 4 or 5am. I’m a morning person. Can you tell?

10. Last night I:
started to research how to use a new web building software.

11. If only I had:
a teacher who was good with autistic children. A babysitter would be nice, too. (It's too early to tell yet about the teacher.)

12. Next time I go to church:
I’ll ask them why they don’t have any accommodations for special needs children.

13. What worries me most is that I:
can’t protect my son from the school staff.

14. When I turn my head left I see:
my son. He’s playing a video game.

15. When I turn my head right I see:
my husband. He’s on the couch watching tv.

16. You know I’m lying when I:
tell you I love lima beans. Or watermelon. Or pizza.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is:
being skinny.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be:
Cordelia. Dad disowned me, too. (Several times, actually.) The last time was for changing my major. Never could please Dad. I really empathized with the character of Cordelia.

19. By this time next year I will:
be the mother of a junior high student. Ack. I can’t tell you how this terrifies me.

20. A better name for me would be:
Joni. (It’s not my given name.)

21. I have a hard time understanding:
why the school staff believes that sometimes my son's behavior is because of the autism, but sometimes it isn't. "Sometimes he's being influenced by the autism, but sometimes he's just acting like a little boy." As if he's sometimes neurotypical, and sometimes he has a neurological disorder. I guess they think his autism has an on/off switch...?

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll:
study what I like, instead of what I’m told I should.

23. You know I like you if I:
make you something. (crafts)

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be:
my husband and son. They are my support and my inspiration.

25. Take my advice, never:
put your autistic student in the Rockford School District.

Okay, now it's your turn.