Validation

We just came from the autism specialist. That made me feel a lot better. He pointed out how well ds is doing in some environments, versus how badly he's doing in other environments. At that point, no medication, no therapy, no discipline is going to vastly improve how he does at the bad environments. You need to provide supports there to help him function better.

So we didn't really change much of what we're doing. A slight tweak to the meds, based more on his huge change in height and weight than anything else, and a recommendation for a place to go for an advocate.

Dh and I were just talking. We keep hearing the same things from all the doctors, not just this one. Our son does well when treated a certain way, with a lot of patience, with a slower pace, with RESPECT (that was a new revelation), and with consideration for the sensory issues he faces.

The school and daycare treat ds like he's a behavior problem, and that he needs to be punished. That's not working. So while they keep turning to us and insisting that we "do something!," the real problem is that THEY aren't doing anything to accommodate his needs. They treat him as if he were NT, and he's not. They punish him, which doesn't help. They promise supports that they aren't following through with. They don't acknowledge that he needs to proceed at a different pace, that his sensory issues exist and need to be respected, and that if they insist that it's their way or the highway, then he won't succeed in that environment.

So we didn't get any instant fixes from the doctor, though we didn't expect to. But we did get assurances that we're doing the right things for him, and validation that the school and the daycare are not.

WILL the school provide the appropriate support? I stopped hoping for that a long time ago. Will the daycare? They haven't yet, but I haven't completely given up there. The last time we had a serious problem there, ds was suspended, and he was threatened with expulsion, and we pulled him out before he was completely thrown out. But that was before ds was diagnosed with autism. So we'll see if the autism diagnosis changes anything. They have therapeutic services at the daycare, though we've never seen any services provided. We've been told that they have been given special training in autism, though we've seen little evidence of that either. I guess this could go either way at the meeting with the daycare. They'll either threaten to throw him out (or just do so), or they'll offer support. We'll see how it goes.

The doc couldn't really support us medically. But he could support us emotionally, and that really does help. I'm feeling better, and feeling a little more confident about facing the school and the daycare staff. If it blows up in my face, so be it. I guess it wasn't meant to be.