3rd Week

At this time, dh and I are starting to wonder which will come first: will he get kicked out of school, or kicked out of daycare?

At daycare, we had two major problems. Ds was upset that he forgot something, so he just walked out of daycare. When the caregiver went after him, asking where he was going, ds yelled back, "Quit following me!" I hear he also tried to kick the caregiver when he tried to return him to the daycare. On another occasion, he was being hassled by another child, so he got upset, which ended up with him spitting (???) and hitting, followed by him running into the bathroom and holding the door closed so they couldn't get in. I'm wondering if I got the story right, because ds has never spit at anybody in his life. It may have been the other child, I don't know for sure. When they call me, it's so loud, and so much is going on, I don't always follow what is happening. And when the chaos clears, they just get off the phone and go back to business.

We had a long talk with ds, and suggested that he write a note of apology to the caregiver that he kicked and hit. He said he wouldn't do this anymore.

Then on Wednesday was the real kicker. At school, they had a fire drill. Ds took off running.

The teacher never called me, which shocks me. I double checked, no missed calls on my phones.

I found out about this at about 5:30, when I was on my way to a dinner meeting with my boss and co-workers. Dh told me that the teacher sent home a two page note, explaining what happened.

According to the note, the teacher and the aide had been working with him, preparing him for the drill. They thought he was fine with it. But I guess he started acting out of sorts, not wanting to go to art. They told him it wasn't safe to stay in the room with no one there, so they finally coaxed him to art class. Then the fire drill went off after that. He was first in line leaving the building. He walked silently and quickly to the designated area, AND THEN JUST KEPT GOING. Ack! He took off and hid. The staff apparently saw where he went, though he was already hiding when the teacher came out of the building. He wouldn't come back in with the rest of the class. His aide, teacher and principal were all out there trying to coax him back into the building. They never got him back to art class, though he did return to his regular classroom, and finished out the day.

The teacher just wanted us to be aware of what happened. She was very concerned, since leaving the class is not safe.

I heard this all as I pulled into the restaurant parking lot, for that dinner meeting. I went in and told my co-workers what happened. They are fully aware of all the goings on at school, especially since they often have to cover for me so I can go to the school and get my son. One of my friends looked at me and asked, "Where was his aide? Isn't that what she's there for? As a one-on-one assistant, to help keep this sort of thing from happening?"

You know, that's a very good question. Where was the aide? I know the art teacher was in the back of the room, while my son was in the front. Considering that autistic children are notorious for getting upset about transitions and change, one would think that the aide should be on the ball, prepared for a possible negative reaction. Not only that, but ds is extremely sensitive to sound, so an excruciatingly loud fire alarm would be tortuous to him.

When dh spoke to our son, he discovered that the kids were pushing ds, shoving him from behind, in an effort to speed him along. All the handling was very upsetting to him, especially when he was trying to cope with the noise, the change, and everything else. That's why he took off. Again, one has to ask, where was the aide?

Does it surprise me that ds took off? Not particularly. Elopement is a classic autistic move. He wouldn't have done that with us, but I would have kept an eagle eye out for him. I probably would have instructed him to put earplugs in, and I wouldn't have left him unsupervised in the line.

Now maybe I didn't get all the details. Just because the aide wasn't mentioned in the letter from the teacher doesn't mean she couldn't have been right there by his side. Maybe she was right with him when he bolted. I don't know. It doesn't say that, though.

But the incident concerns me, too. I worry how safe he is there, considering what he gets into when no one is watching him. He's gotten hurt twice so far this semester (three weeks). A cut on his shoulder and a badly skinned hand and knee. He's taken off running during a fire drill. Gotta wonder just how well supervised he is.

I'm also concerned that they could get fed up, and kick him out. Or a "change of placement." Not that I'd be adverse to sending him to a different school. I just want it to be a positive change, not a change for the worse. Or maybe they'll just throw him out and say we can't handle him. Homeschool him.

Personally, I think I'd do a terrific job of teaching him, to be quite honest with you. At least for a couple years or so. However, I can't afford to do this. I have to work. So does dh. The only autism doctor that he goes to now is not covered by insurance. We receive no assistance at all now. Not from the government, not from Easter Seals.

I have to bring home a paycheck. And I have to have insurance. I can't stay home and educate my son. And I can't cut my hours to stop using daycare.

And speaking of daycare: If he gets thrown out of that, where will we go now?

Oh yeah. On Thursday (the day after the fire drill), I received an email from the special ed teacher on the IEP team. She wants to call an "informal IEP meeting." Oh joy. Just what do you suppose that's going to be about?

I'm so unhappy. I don't know why ds is acting up. And I don't know what to suggest to them. I went to those first IEP meetings with such excitement and hope, believing that they would truly help my son. But it gets so frustrating when the supports they describe don't really happen. Or when they turn this into a discipline issue.

Ds has been telling me that they don't show him his smiley face chart. They're supposed to show this to him several times a day. He says they only bring it out when he's angry. The chart is supposed to help him to recognize his moods, and how he escalates, and what he can do to calm himself. What good is it, if they don't utilize it?

And he has a one-on-one aide. But if she isn't there when he's most certainly going to go through something upsetting, then what's the point? And if he takes off, when she's busy helping the teacher or another student, then she isn't really being a one-on-one aide.

And he has an OT, but she doesn't believe he has sensory issues, in spite of the fact that he's been diagnosed by numerous specialists as having severe sensory issues. (She says this because her therapies seem ineffectual with him.) I guess she forgets that the first time she brought him into her sensory room, he pretty much velcroed himself to her equipment. She had never seen a kid respond like that. And I guess she doesn't believe us when we tell her that he can't eat anything even remotely hot, and he can't sleep in daylight, and even the soft department store musac is enough to give him migraine headaches...and on and on... She, too, believes his problems to be discipline related.

His speech therapist has been wonderful with him. She's been a real saving grace in all this. Her social stories are helpful, her way of communicating with him is calming... I can't say anything but wonderful things about her.

My son is not a discipline problem at home. He's not wild, violent or lazy. He works hard, and happily. He loves to learn. He's very bright.

This shouldn't be this hard.