Degenerate

Um, well, degenerative anyway.

That's what it seems I have in my shoulder: a degenerative condition called tendonosis. The difference between tendonitis and tendonosis is the fact that tendonosis is degenerative, and chronic.

Oh goody.

The good news is that there is no substantial tear or hole. So no surgery! Yay! At least not yet, anyway. Next step: physical therapy. If that doesn't work, I get cortisone shots. And if that doesn't work, back to the possibility of surgery.

But first things first.

So I start PT on Monday morning. It's at a facility I've never been to before. So I don't know what it will be like, but I suppose most PT is pretty much the same. Lots of pain if you want any real gain. Okay, I can do that. Knowing that the pain will lessen down the road makes me capable of a lot. I'm a tough little cookie when I set my mind to it.

The doc said I have arthritis all right, but it isn't what's causing all this intense pain. This boils down to the tendons being inflamed, and the tendons and bursa are getting pinched as my arm moves upward or backward. He called it 'rotator cuff impingement.' I also have carpal tunnel, but that's the least of my problems right now.

He said he could do surgery right now on that rotator cuff, and admitted he makes more money that way, but also told me that if it were his shoulder, he'd try the PT first. Okie dokie. I'm game. I've been through PT before, and have always had good results. I may think bad thoughts about the physical therapist in the beginning, but by the end I usually have a real respect for their expertise. I'm not too optimistic about cortisone. I've had that many times before, for different troubles, and while it may offer temporary improvement, I have never had it resolve and issue for me yet. In fact, after it wears off, I've sometimes found myself in MORE pain than before. So I hope the PT works and I don't have to go that route, but I will if I have to. I'll exhaust everything before considering surgery. The pain of the shots doesn't phase me. (At least it doesn't phase me as long as they don't have to shoot it directly into the bone. Now THAT was pain. I'd rather avoid that at all costs, if humanly possible. But standard cortisone shots are a piece of cake to me.)

Anyway, the results of the MRI were all relatively good. At least it's not as serious as a tear or a hole, and surgery will be the last consideration. That's a relief. The bad news is that the pain in my shoulder will not go away on its own. But I had pretty much figured that out, since I'd been in pain since around November. Hey, if it hadn't gone away by now, I think I've figured out that it isn't going to. And PT might just work.

I'm a lot more optimistic now. At least I know this isn't just something I have to live with. I can take action, and hopefully improve this. I couldn't accept that this was permanant. Nothing I can do. Get used to it. Screw that!

It's funny, because in my head I'm only about 21 years old. (Only in my head, not on my birth certificate.) I *think* like I did at that age. I don't feel like my brain is old. It's hard to face that my body isn't feeling as youthful as my grey matter. When I look in a mirror, I have to wonder who that old hag is, looking back at me? And where did that wild, skinny gal of my consiousness go? Hm. The brain of a pup in the body of a geezer. That's a bummer, LOL!

But that's okay. I have so much more now, than I ever did when I was young and pretty and painfree. Given the choice, I'd never go back in time. I'd never change my choices, as foolish as some had been. At least everything I did had value, because it got me exactly to where I am now.

Now I'm off to find healing! Wish me luck. Nah, on second thought, wish me patience. I probably need that more, LOL!