PT Progress

I went to PT today, and it was my last visit before I return to the orthopedic doc tomorrow. So the therapist ran a bunch of tests to see if my mobility has improved.

I got my arm almost all the way up when I raised it straight out in front of me, and up over my head. Big improvement when I couldn't raise it more than 90 degrees in the beginning.

I also raised my arm straight out at the side up quite a bit. Not all the way up over my head, but still, a big improvement. In the beginning I couldn't raise it over 90 degrees either.

In my grip, there was a big improvement, too. I went from 40 pounds to 80 pounds! She was real surprised with that. Pleasantly surprised.

See, I DO do the excercises at home!

She said she suspects the doc will keep sending me to PT with this kind of progress.

Progress. That's such a comforting word. I guess I get unrealistic expectations, and I hope that I'll be all fixed and back to normal after a few weeks, and I let myself get discouraged when that doesn't happen. So instead, right now I'm kind of celebrating inside. Okay, so maybe I don't have the shoulder of my youth, but at least I have a heck of a lot more movement and a heck of a lot less pain than I did a month ago. And I worked hard! So I deserve a little celebrating!

So that's my little mental pat-on-the-back for the day, LOL!

Summer Begins

Well, PT has been going well, I guess. I've got a lot more movement in my arm, and can even reach a little behind my back. Not much behind, but still an improvement. I still have the really bad pain when I lift up, out or behind, but it isn't constant. The lesser pain has pretty much disappeared, like the constant throbbing. (I think that had more to do with the increase in arthritis drugs than PT, though, but I could be wrong.) I've got the use of my left arm back, which is very good. Before, I felt like it was a useless appendage, but now I can use it somewhat. So that helped. I must admit, however, that I'm a little disappointed that I haven't seen more significant improvement. Maybe it's just a matter of more time and therapy. Or maybe it's not going to get much better. I'm not sure which. I go back to the orthopedic doc this week, so maybe I'll get a better idea after that.

Nathan has had a meltdown at school. For some reason, they didn't see fit to call me, and called Dh instead. Later, I found out from Nathan that he had been playing a card game in class with some kids at his table, and they started to make fun of him for losing. He got frustrated and lost it. The teacher asked Dh to find out what he got so upset about - they had no idea. I had to wonder why they didn't know. The teacher said that she was with another student, and the para was not present either. Hm. How come? That para is his one-on-one aide. Perhaps she would have been able to stop the other kids from making fun of him and prevented the melt. She was not around when the game was being played. She should have been. I didn't bother reporting back to the teacher why the melt occurred. They usually come to their own conclusions anyway, and don't accept what I tell them. And when there was only a couple days left in school, explaining a meltdown seems a little useless anyway. Hell, if they haven't figured out by now that he has a hard time with perfectionism and comptetition, they aren't going to figure out. Sigh.

Nathan has been SO helpful around the house lately. He comes up and offers to help me do dishes, or put away laundry, or whatever. He's even been doing yard work; weeding, trimming trees, mowing, etc. It's been an enormous help to me, when I struggle with the shoulder pain. And it's really neat to see him show empathy and concern for others. That's a huge step up for him! I'm really proud of him.

He's also been doing better in school. He is showing a lot more creativity when writing! I was so excited to see that. I knew he had it in him, because I've helped him to do creative writing assignments before. I usually had to help him get his ideas together or come up with a topic, or to help him get "unstuck" from writer's block. He had great ideas, but he just didn't seem to know what to do with them, to get them on the paper. So I'd ask him basic questions. (What kind of story do you want to tell? Oh, that sounds interesting! What do you want to happen? Okay, what's going to happen first? How will you finish it? This is a really neat story; what do you want to call it?) He just needed a little confidence, I think. Some nudging. In his head, he thought he couldn't write a story, or an essay. But once he found out that all he had to do is come up with an idea, and put it in some kind of order, he realized it wasn't so hard after all.

He used to melt down when they gave him a writing assignment. Then he'd come home and we'd have the assignment done in no time. I wondered why the school had so much trouble with this? Couldn't they see he was just scared? Lacking confidence? He just needed a little bit of guidance. Not even a lot. And here, we'd have FUN writing stories. Sometimes he was disappointed when I said it sounded like he had a good stopping point, and should end the story there. He wanted to just keep going. (Maybe Mom's love of storytelling has gotten into his bones?) :) The teacher thought he was just being lazy, and trying to get out of work. But I knew better. Nathan is far from lazy when it comes to learning. He's just kind of shy about some things. And that gets him frustrated. He wants to do it, but he doesn't think he can, and this gets him very upset. Too bad this was lost on his teacher. She might have enjoyed the results as much as I do.

Nathan had a particularly bad day at school. His teacher said he wasn't productive, and also refused to do a writing assignment, which she was sending home. When I read this in her email, I knew that when I got home from work, I'd be working with Nathan on that assignment. I can't tell you how thrilled I was to get home and find out that he not only did the assignment (all by himself!), but it was a really cute story about what he would do if he was only an inch tall. It was all done, it was done independently, and it was entertaining. And he ENJOYED doing it! Now why couldn't that have happened at school???

Thursday was the last full day of school. They go back on Monday for a couple hours, and then he is done for the year! HOORAY!!

I am so relieved to have him out of there for the summer. I try to be optimistic about next year, but it's hard. I haven't been impressed with the way the school deals with autism, that's for sure. I hope he at least gets a patient teacher next year. Not one who rushes to (negative) judgement. That would help a lot.

I'm also not looking forward to the daycare situation for the summer. Next week will be stress free, with Grandma & Grandpa caring for him, and Dh taking time off of work for a couple days, too. But after that, back to public daycare. Yikes. I sure hope that goes well. Last year, it was up and down. He had a great one-on-one aide, that seemed to have a real good feel for when Nathan gets upset and how to combat that. No meltdowns! But they often weren't very attentive, and Nathan got bullied a lot, and ignored by the staff at times. At one point, he decided enough was enough and tried to walk home. He nearly got to an incredibly busy street before the staff discovered that he was missing and went after him. I sure hope this new arrangement will be better than that. But I've lost my blind optimism when it comes to daycare.

But I'm still in a celebratory mood. No judgemental teachers for the summer! YIPPEEEE! No homework supervision! No IEP meetings! No threats of felony arrest for digital notetaking! Ahhhhhh, peace! At least for the next week. :)

PT

Physical Therapy went pretty well. But twice a week for six weeks or so is a bit more than I anticipated. Yikes. Oh well, if it works, it's worth it. It's a LOT of time off of work too, and at the worst possible time of the year, but it can't be helped. I try to work shorter lunch hours, to help offset some of the time off for PT, so it doesn't hurt the wallet quite so much, but it's still hard on my coworkers.

Nathan has been having a good couple weeks! I'm real proud of him. He's trying to be good for the rest of the school year. At the rate he's going, he just might make it! I hope he ends on a real good note, so that next school year he doesn't have that negative vibe right off the bat when he walks through the doors. I keep telling him he's growing up, and learning more self control, and that's why he's doing better. He likes that idea, so he's trying even harder. (How nice! An upward spiral for a change!!)

I can't wait for this school year to be over!! I know most moms dread this time of year. Not me. School scares me more than anything. Daycare isn't so great either, but for the past year or so, they have at least been less hostile towards Nathan. If the pattern continues, that would be helpful. I'd like to just worry about grades and stuff, instead of safety or abuse.

Well, I'm off to do my excercises!

Degenerate

Um, well, degenerative anyway.

That's what it seems I have in my shoulder: a degenerative condition called tendonosis. The difference between tendonitis and tendonosis is the fact that tendonosis is degenerative, and chronic.

Oh goody.

The good news is that there is no substantial tear or hole. So no surgery! Yay! At least not yet, anyway. Next step: physical therapy. If that doesn't work, I get cortisone shots. And if that doesn't work, back to the possibility of surgery.

But first things first.

So I start PT on Monday morning. It's at a facility I've never been to before. So I don't know what it will be like, but I suppose most PT is pretty much the same. Lots of pain if you want any real gain. Okay, I can do that. Knowing that the pain will lessen down the road makes me capable of a lot. I'm a tough little cookie when I set my mind to it.

The doc said I have arthritis all right, but it isn't what's causing all this intense pain. This boils down to the tendons being inflamed, and the tendons and bursa are getting pinched as my arm moves upward or backward. He called it 'rotator cuff impingement.' I also have carpal tunnel, but that's the least of my problems right now.

He said he could do surgery right now on that rotator cuff, and admitted he makes more money that way, but also told me that if it were his shoulder, he'd try the PT first. Okie dokie. I'm game. I've been through PT before, and have always had good results. I may think bad thoughts about the physical therapist in the beginning, but by the end I usually have a real respect for their expertise. I'm not too optimistic about cortisone. I've had that many times before, for different troubles, and while it may offer temporary improvement, I have never had it resolve and issue for me yet. In fact, after it wears off, I've sometimes found myself in MORE pain than before. So I hope the PT works and I don't have to go that route, but I will if I have to. I'll exhaust everything before considering surgery. The pain of the shots doesn't phase me. (At least it doesn't phase me as long as they don't have to shoot it directly into the bone. Now THAT was pain. I'd rather avoid that at all costs, if humanly possible. But standard cortisone shots are a piece of cake to me.)

Anyway, the results of the MRI were all relatively good. At least it's not as serious as a tear or a hole, and surgery will be the last consideration. That's a relief. The bad news is that the pain in my shoulder will not go away on its own. But I had pretty much figured that out, since I'd been in pain since around November. Hey, if it hadn't gone away by now, I think I've figured out that it isn't going to. And PT might just work.

I'm a lot more optimistic now. At least I know this isn't just something I have to live with. I can take action, and hopefully improve this. I couldn't accept that this was permanant. Nothing I can do. Get used to it. Screw that!

It's funny, because in my head I'm only about 21 years old. (Only in my head, not on my birth certificate.) I *think* like I did at that age. I don't feel like my brain is old. It's hard to face that my body isn't feeling as youthful as my grey matter. When I look in a mirror, I have to wonder who that old hag is, looking back at me? And where did that wild, skinny gal of my consiousness go? Hm. The brain of a pup in the body of a geezer. That's a bummer, LOL!

But that's okay. I have so much more now, than I ever did when I was young and pretty and painfree. Given the choice, I'd never go back in time. I'd never change my choices, as foolish as some had been. At least everything I did had value, because it got me exactly to where I am now.

Now I'm off to find healing! Wish me luck. Nah, on second thought, wish me patience. I probably need that more, LOL!

Butterflies and Mummies

Today was one of those scary days for me, and one of those fun and free days for Nathan.

There was a field trip for his class, to go to the Milwaukee Public Museum. He was SO excited! You would think he was going to the moon, as thrilled as he was. Mom was in "eek" mode, worrying about every silly little thing. (My friends tease me that I would wrap Nathan in bubble wrap if I could.) Of course, one has to swallow all those over-protective urges and let the little guy have some fun once in a while. So off he went in the big blue bus.

There was no reason to worry. He had a blast! He called me up as soon as he got home, dying to tell me about it. His favorite part was what he called The Butterfly Room. From what I gather, it was a room full of butterflies. LIVE butterflies! He was blown away, and I was grinning from ear to ear, listening to him describe it. I wish I could have seen it. I wish I could have seen him frolicking around, chasing a monarch, surrounded by other butterflies. What a grand mental image!

And I got to hear about mummies in caskets, and big skeletons that were hanging from the ceiling, and a skeleton of a huge whale that was on a wall. And the kids had some kind of scavenger hunt, too, which allowed him to go off "on his own" to explore the museum (accompanied by his aide).

And just as delightful was his wide-eyed tale about the gift shop. Mom The Softie slipped him a little cash before he left, so that he could get a small souvenier. You would think he had won the lottery, to hear him tell it. He bought a dinosaur toy and some candy (you know field trip candy is ten times better than home candy), and he and his buddies had their picture taken in one of those photo booths. Those boys couldn't have smiled any bigger if they tried.

It was so much fun to hear him talk about it. He was so happy. And he shared the experience with friends from school. Shared! FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL. Wow. That's so cool! He never used to be that social at school. He rarely remembered a kid's name, let alone refered to one as his friend. Now he's having a great time with a couple of pals, like it was a common occurance. (Happy dance!)

This all ended up being the best Mother's Day gift I could have received. My little boy was buzzing with excitement and joy about his trip, with a smile that lights up the whole room. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Doctor Doctor, Give Me The News

I heard from my doctor's office. I go in on Tuesday to get the results of my MRI. The nurse didn't know the results, she is just instructed to schedule an appointment.

I think this is good news. When I had hurt my knee a few years back, and they did an MRI, they called up and just scheduled surgery. I'm hoping that since they didn't automatically schedule surgery for my shoulder after this MRI, and instead scheduled an appointment, maybe that means it's not a tear or hole in the rotator cuff after all...? Maybe just physical therapy?

Hey, I can hope, can't I? LOL!

I'm not very good about waiting. I get so impatient. And talk of surgery and PT and all that gets me nervous.

On a good note, the meds have been helping a lot! Especially doubling up on the arthritis meds. That seems to have helped in reducing the inflamation in there, and a lot of the lesser pain is all but gone. It doesn't ache as much as it did. Unfortunately, the really bad pain is still really bad. But that isn't all the time, just when I move the wrong way. And I've been able to keep that to a minimum. So the pain has gotten a lot more manageable. It has raised my spirits considerably. Now if we could knock the bad pain down several notches, I'd be a real happy camper!

The IEP Annual Review

Today was the last IEP meeting. Thank God. I'm so tired of dealing with the school district, in any way, shape or form. I am in great need of a summer vacation.

The meeting was actually quite brief, compared to past meetings. And it went smoothly. It was mostly upbeat. There was talk about how much Nathan has improved in his ability to socialize, and to use eye contact, and to remember names and use spontaneous greetings. They pointed out something that I wasn't quite aware of. He communicates much better with adults than with peers. Not that this surprises me. He isn't around kids much, except at school. He would be more comfortable with adults, for a lot of reasons. I just hadn't thought about how he might show more skill with one group than with another.

There was also talk about how he is maturing, and becoming more independent, and how he is starting to take more responsibility. He is also far less aggressive than he was last year at ths time. Very good things.

I did request a limit on his homework. Again. Just as I have in every IEP meeting. Again, I didn't get it. They did note it in the "parent concerns." However, they did suggest one thing (bless the Autism Team's heart), that we could attempt to remove ALL HOMEWORK. Holy smokes! That was far better than I imagined! They didn't grant it, though. They said this was the "most restrictive," and they wanted to try the "least restrictive" first. What that refered to was an earlier suggestion that they try using computer time as a reward for him, if he completes his assignments. Ideally, they want to set it up so that if he gets his class work done, he will earn minutes on the computer. Okay, I'm willing to give it a shot. I think using the computer is a very good motivator for him, and dh and I have wondered all along why they didn't use this as a reward.

We also discussed how, with dh's new hours, Nathan doesn't get very much time to eat dinner and do homework, and how it leaves him little to no 'down time,' and how extremely important this is for him. To my surprise, they all seemed to understand and empathize with this! I appreciated that. Perhaps it helped to break it all down to "this is what time he gets home, and this is when we eat, and this is how much time he has to do homework, and this is how much time he has to relax." If I received an argument, I was going to whip out my emails. (I saved a copy of every email that mentions the teacher sending home unfinished classwork for him to do at home. It was a huge stack, and would really help to illustrate what we face.) But they seemed to respect the few hours that Nathan spends at home, and did agree to monitor this. If the homework continues to be a problem, they will eliminate it completely. Yay. In the meantime, they will try to use something he loves to get him to do work in school. That seems like a good idea, and a workable compromise, as long as we can amend this later if it isn't working. Besides, ideally I would like for him to take more responsibility, if he can, and not avoid it. If he'll do the classwork with motivators in place, I'm all for that. And his daily homework is reduced, so that helps. If he'd just get the classwork done, in class, that would be the icing on the cake.

And we talked about how you can't promise him "no homework," and then take it away. He just can't wrap his brain around that. Even it it's his own fault, he just can't understand it. They all seemed to understand. I appreciated that as well. Whether or not that will make a difference, I don't know, but at least I'm trying to make them all aware of the things that sabotage his success, and hope that some of it sticks in their heads. Maybe it will help the next aspie that comes along, even if it doesn't help Nathan. All I can do is try.

Oh, and they said they would help us transition Nathan to middle school during the next school year. That will be good. I do think this will require a little planning.

So we left the meeting feeling fairly upbeat about next year. Not excited, but at least
"cautiously optimistic." Nobody blindsided us, and we didn't wind up on the defensive. That's always a good thing. And I'm really trying to be pleasant and not confrontational. Hey, if you don't try to bullshit me, or manipulate me, (or threaten me with arrest), I'm really pretty easy to work with.