Have a Heart

Did I tell you about Nathan's daycare?

I took him there for one of his school holidays. It's the same company that cares for him in after-school care, but this was at a different, larger location, with a lot more kids. They called me up at work to tell me Nathan was having a meltdown, and was hitting at the caregivers. We were to pick him up within a half hour. I told them dh was on his way.

Afterwards, dh tells me that Nathan had been playing with Legos, and a kid tried to rip one out of his hands. Nathan hung on, and the kid started to fight him for it. They sent both boys to timeout. Nathan refused to go. So they grabbed him, and tried to drag him. And Nathan flipped out.

Dh was irritated and told him that with his autism, he can't handle being grabbed. They said I never told them he had autism when I dropped him off! (WTF???) Dh argued that Nathan had been going there for YEARS, and we had filled out all kinds of medical history and stuff, and they said it didn't matter, that I need to tell them every time I drop him off that he has autism! They also said they weren't about to read every medical record for every kid at that daycare.

Oh, give me a frigging break!

(I'm thanking my lucky stars that Nathan doesn't have a severe food allergy, or the consequences could be deadly...)

When I dropped Nathan off that morning, I was wearing my "I love someone with autism" lanyard, and my THREE autism awareness bracelets. Even if they had missed that walking billboard, there were people at the daycare that work with Nathan every day at after-school care! At one point, when I was dropping Nathan off, he was standing there looking lost, and I was suggesting things that they had left out for the kids to play with, trying to get him engaged in something before I left for work. Nathan didn't seem interested in anything out. Then one of the caregivers jumps up and says, "I know what he's looking for! He loves the Legos!" and then scampered off to find the precious Legos for Nathan. This was one of the caregivers from his after-school care program.

I guess they can remember that Nathan loves Legos, but forget that he has autism. Go figure.

Oh, and school has been frustrating again. Big surprise.

First thing that irritated me at school is the fact that they are trying to stop me from tape recording the IEP meetings. (Hm. Why?) I'm going to tell them I'm taping the next meeting, in advance. The next meeting is the IEP and his parent/teacher conference combined. Dh won't be there, so I need to tape it for him. We'll see if they have a problem with it again. I have been checking into the legality of prohibiting me from taping. I have found some interesting information.

Then, Nathan was sick last week. I kept him home for three days, with a very high fever. The first day I kept him home was the same day the behavior specialist was supposed to go observe him. Rats. I've been trying to get this scheduled for months, but something always goes wrong! Anyway, I wrote the teacher to inform her that the behavior specialist was aware that Nathan was sick, and would be rescheduling, probably the following week. The teacher refused to allow it until after March 17th, because of the ISAT tests! Oh for crying out loud. All the woman wants to do is observe him in his academic environment. She doesn't want to interfere. But they tell me it's against ISAT regulations. I can't find it in the ISAT regulations, but they insist it is. I suspect I could push it, and demand that they show me exactly where it says that I can't have a behavior expert observe him during the testing days, but I suppose it really isn't worth pressing. For one, it may be an actual regulation, and I just haven't found it yet. For two, I'm not even sure the specialist would want to observe him during the testing period. It's not exactly a regular ol' day. Maybe it's better to wait.

On the other hand, why are they not as anxious for this specialist to observe as I am??? I feel like they don't want her to come. Sigh. Don't they realize I'm trying to HELP this situation? Don't they want someone to help improve his behavior?

Shoot.

And then Nathan had a rough day on Friday. Go figure. He's still struggling with the flu. He felt like crap. And I'm sure they were really patient and understanding because of that. (cough cough).

The teacher called me up at work, and told me he was refusing to behave, he wouldn't go to lunch, he wouldn't go outside, he was angry, etc. Great. I asked if I could speak to him. She refused at first, because she was not about to give him her cell phone. (He had tried to throw it during a previous meltdown, so she wasn't going to make THAT mistake again.) Geez. So I guess the only reason she was calling me at all, then, was to have me come and get him. Then the teacher suggested bringing him to the office, and having me talk to him there on a regular phone. FINALLY! A compromise!

I talked to Nathan for a while, and got him to calm down somewhat. He told me right off that his stomach hurt, so I got the school to give him some kiddie Malox that I had previously sent to the school. He also told me a mean kid had been knocking him down on the playground and running away (and he didn't know who the kid was), and he was NOT going outside! PERIOD! I explained that this was not an option, since it is against the law (and unsafe) for the school to let him sit inside alone while everyone else went outside, and I assured him that I would tell the grownups at the school about the bully, and asked him to hang around by grownups at recess. He accepted that. Protected from the bully, medicine for the tummy ache: Problems All Solved.

So we conquered all of the obstacles that the school couldn't seem to overcome. And did it in 5 minutes or so. I didn't even do anything special or tricky. Too bad the school couldn't have done the same thing. But that would take putting aside your anger at his defiance, and try some patience to find out what's behind the opposition. I guess that's asking too much.

Nathan went to lunch, and then went outside like he was supposed to. He got through the rest of the day without any further meltdowns, though he didn't really do any work, either. It pretty much takes all his energy not to get upset, when he's that wrung out. But he listens, and he still soaks up more education than you'd guess. I doubt they realize that though.

I wish I knew how to help him.

FDR

Nathan had to do an assignment about Franklin D. Roosevelt. In an article about the former President, it stated that Roosevelt was left disabled after suffering a bout with polio. His leg muscles were weakened, and he used either leg braces or a wheel chair. He hid his disability, insisting that no one could photograph him being carried, and he wore his leg braces under his pants, because disabilities were seen as a weakness at the time, and he most likely would not have been elected, had people known. It went on to say that he passed many laws to protect the poor, the elderly and the disabled.

At the end of the article, it asked Nathan to tell whether or not he thought Roosevelt should have hidden his disability.

This was his answer:


"Yes, he should have hidden that he was disabled, because if he didn’t, then he never would have been elected as President and important rules about protecting the poor, elderly and disabled, wouldn’t have been passed. But I think it’s mean that he had to hide his disability. He shouldn’t have to hide his disability. Just because he’s different doesn’t mean you have to ignore him. I think it’s sad that Roosevelt had to hide his disability. I don’t think he’s really disabled. I don’t think the polio made him disabled. It just made his legs so sore that he can’t hold himself up. It doesn’t mean he can’t do the job. He’s not disabled, he’s able! Just like me."

My Valentine

It's been a while since I've been able to write. Part of it is because I spent all of last week in a brainstorming session. It was exhausting work, but very interesting and stimulating. It was so cool to see how a dozen people can put their heads together and completely revamp a department.

Another reason I haven't written much is because of NIU. That really saddened me, and I needed to allow that time to process. My prayers are with the families that were touched by that tragedy.

And there are probably numerous other reasons that have interfered with me writing, but none really worthy of elaboration.

But there are some things that I'd love to tell you about.

One highlight of the past few weeks was my Valentine surprise. I was having a very long day, and was getting pretty anxious to finish work and go home. While ending a paricularly negative and absorbing phone call, I felt someone grab the back of my chair and give it a good shake. I hung up the phone and then turned to see what was so urgent, only to find my son standing there, his arms full of a huge bouquet of flowers with a big heart balloon! He was standing there so proud, with a big grin on his face. Standing behind him were several of my female co-workers, all dying to see my reaction, lol! (I heard someone say they thought they were going to cry!) My jaw must have hit the floor. I took the bundle from my son and gave him a big squeeze and kiss, then at someone's thoughtful suggestion, I took him to our cafeteria to let him pick from a table full of snacks. Geez, he was so adorable. I found out later that my husband helped him through the front door, and then told him to go straight ahead and he would find me. Several people saw him coming through the building, and followed him like a little pied piper. He had a little fan club standing behind him at my desk, and he just stood there patiently waiting for me to finish what I was doing to discover him. But I was so engrossed in my phone call, I might not have seen him for quite sometime, so someone wisely shook the back of my chair to get my attention. It's so cute that people were watching over him and taking him under their wing! I do work with a terrific bunch of people.

After I got home, I also found a big huge heart-shaped box of candy, (dark chocolate!!), and an adorable piece of art that Nathan created for me at school. It was a string of hearts on a ribbon, that read "LOVE" all the way down, with little hearts and a female teddybear and a boy teddybear (me and him). It was so sweet! It's now hanging over my desk at work. He also wrote me a Valentine's message:

"My mom is very special to me. She helps me with my homework. If I get stuck on something she helps me and she is the one who corrects my homework. This makes me thankful. She teaches me ways to do my homework. She taught me a math trick to multiply with 9. Sometimes when my dad and I are shoveling the snow, she will come out and help. She says 'We all work together.' I feel happy when my mom ehlpe us shovel snow."

Awwwwwwwww! Isn't he just the sweetest kid alive??? (Proud mom here, can ya tell?) Thank goodness I paid attention in math class, LOL! Remember kids, pay attention in school! You never know when it will come in handy.

I'll write more later. There are some other things going on that I should tell you about.

I received this email, and thought I would pass it along here:

Please pass this ribbon on to all that you know.

Please say a prayer for the families and friends of the victims of this horrible tragedy and for the NIU community to stand strong and to persevere.

May God grant you strength through this tragic and hurtful time.

Gone But Not Forgotten

Daniel Parmenter, age 20, last of Westchester , Ill.
Catalina Garcia, age 20, last of Cicero , Ill.
Ryanne Mace, age 19, last of Carpentersville , Ill.
Julianna Gehant (pronounced Ghee-hant), age 32, last of Mendota , Ill.
Gayle Dubowski, age 20, last of Carol Stream , Ill.

For current information, please go to http://www.niu.edu/.

NIU

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families affected by the NIU shooting

Yesterday, snow was forcasted to begin in the evening hours, and we were expected to get roughly one to three inches of snow.

However, the snow started earlier than expected. By lunchtime, snow was falling, and the prediction had risen to three to six inches. By 4pm, the forcast had been changed. They now expected six to nine inches. Most of my co-workers left early. Only my department and a couple managers remained until 5.

We watched the snow dwindle, and I began to suspect the forcast had been a little exaggerated. We got a few inches, and yes, it was bad driving, but I figured that schools would be open in the morning. I was wrong.

I woke up around 2:30am and peeked outside. Not much had changed. I figured the storm had either gone south of us, or had fizzled out. I went back to bed, and planned to go to work in the morning.

Around 4:30 or so, dh informed me the schools were closed. I was surprised. It still didn't look like much snow, but the forcast had worsened, not improved. They were now estimating between 8 and 16 inches of snow! Holy toledo! I worried about dh driving to work. The snow wasn't too deep, but it was very icy and hazardous driving. He promised to call from work when he got there. He arrived late, and I was on pins and needles waiting for his call. He said the cars were just compacting that snow into a hard clump of ice. Most of the way to work, he couldn't drive over 25 miles an hour. I asked him to come home early, as the news forcasted that the worst of the storm was yet to come. He promised to come home at lunch time.

Shortly after that, the weather channel announced that the worst of the storm was going to hit at noon. Oh great. I text messaged dh and warned him of that. A couple hours later, I saw that the storm was really getting worse, and the snow was falling heavier. I could barely see across the street, and the wind was getting very blustery. I asked if he could leave soon.

A little while later, dh called me from the expressway. He decided to come home that way, hoping the roads would be kept clearer. He was right. But he had to drive through nearly whiteout conditions.

I can't tell how much snow we've gotten so far. In some areas of our property, there's a lot of blowing and drifting, so it's hard to tell. It is several feet deep where the drifts are. I think we got about 14-15 inches, and it's still falling. It's so heavy and deep, that the snowblower can't handle it. I was going out and shoveling off about 6 inches, so dh could follow behind and blow away the rest. And it still kept getting stopped up. Dh has asthma, so he went in for a break, and I was going to shovel a little walking path across the front of the house for the mailman. Dh tried to get me to come in, promising to finish it tomorrow, but I just wanted to give the mailman a break. (I have a choice to walk through it or not - he doesn't.) Then a neighbor, with a heavy duty snowblower, came out and cleared the path I started! Wow, that was really nice. And it saved my back. As he was helping me, dh returned, and helped me do the path up to the door. Hopefully it will still be clear tomorrow for the mailman.

Now they are saying it will snow for the next two or three days. Bummer. I hope they just mean flurries. I've had enough shovelling to last me a while.

Hair

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short

Yesterday the school sent me an email that Nathan "was told twice to put away his scissors, but instead used them for an inappropriate purpose."



I wondered for hours what that "inappropriate purpose" was. He threw safety scissors on the floor one time, and all hell broke out at school. You would have thought be brandished a machete and tried to slice and dice his classmates, from the way the teacher reacted. (He only threw them at the floor, not at a person, and they were child safety scissors, for pete's sake). I knew it couldn't have been something like that, or I would have gotten a phone call to come get him.

When I arrived home, it all quickly became clear. Nathan got tired of his hair dropping into his eyes, so he picked up a scissors and began snipping. He cut it quite short in the front.

While he would get no awards for artistry on that move, it wasn't horrible either. He just needs a pro to even it all back out for him. No biggie. But I still have to shake my head at how they informed me of it. "Used them for an inappropriate purpose." It just sounds so weird. They couldn't just spit it out and say he cut his hair? And I had to wonder where the full-time, one-on-one para was when this went on, but I'll assume it happened too quickly for her to be able to prevent it. I don't want to dwell on it. I have enough heartburn.

I can't say that I agree with them though. While I am not thrilled that he cut his own hair, I'm not going to flip out over it either. It coulda been worse. But it seems to me, that if his hair was bugging him, and hanging in his eyes, he did use the scissors quite appropriately, LOL! Not that I would encourage that, but I wouldn't refer to it as an "inappropriate" usage, either. Instead of getting all upset about it, I just explained how difficult it is to do a good job when you cut your own hair, that it can get all uneven, and I suggested that the next time his hair gets in the way, he should let us know and we'll take him to the barber. Big deal.

It was kind of ironic though. A year ago he was throwing scissors. Now they're frowning because he's trimming annoying locks with them.



Still sounds like an improvement to me.