Birthday Pup

I realized tonight that I neglected to introduce you all to Nathan's Birthday Present. His name is Murphy, and he's a golden retriever.

The night before Nathan's birthday, we loaded him into the car for a mysterious ride to a small town, about an hour and a half away. There we went into the breeder's home, and allowed Nathan to pick a puppy. He was all excited. It took him a long time to decide. But at last we walked out of there, with an adorable golden fluffball in our arms. He was 7-1/2 weeks old when we brought him home (we took that picture when we got home).

Choosing a name was hard. Nathan was pretty set on Scooby, but dh and I were not so crazy about that. But Grandma said he looks like a Murphy, and dh and I loved that name. Nathan wasn't so sure at first, but then when I looked it up on the internet, and said it was Irish for "Hound of the sea," Nathan was thrilled. (He's quite the fisherman now, you know) Dh has a small fishing boat, and Nathan has been begging to go fishing since about mid December. (I think it was about ten below back then, or at least it felt like it...)

So now I'm surrounded by my 'men of the sea.' Hm, I should have rethought this. There's far too much testosterone around here, LOL!

Sorry, My Bad

I finally got an email back from the Special Ed Coordinator. He said he was mistaken. He confused my son with another student (we have a very common last name), and believed my son to be the one that was leaving elementary school and going on to junior high.

So it wasn't my son, after all, that was going to a new school.

Then I got another IEP meeting notice, informing me how difficult it is to get everyone together at a given time, and telling me that they are giving me "adequate notice" to make arrangements with work to be able to attend this meeting. (I guess it's my fault that they gave me short notice and I couldn't get off of work, and had the nerve to request a reschedule...) Geez, all I wanted was to be given the standard ten day notice that everyone else gets.

This time they are also telling me the purpose of the meeting, and who is invited. Ah, progress! Yet they still haven't mentioned the FBA. The Special Ed Coordinator said he would look into that for me, and let me know if it has been done. But since no one has acknowledged any of my questions about it since February, I have a pretty good idea what the answer will be.

So no new school...for now.

IEP Hell

Where do I begin?

School has been a nightmare.

Nathan got upset in class, just before spring break, and they restrained him and removed him from the room. He came home with bruises after that. I reported it to the principal. She said she would report it to DCFS, but then called back to tell me that DCFS would not be investigating because the principal reported that she was not convinced that the bruises were the result of the restraint because the teachers who restrained him held his upper arms, not his forearms where the bruises were. I insisted that I want no more restraint used on my son, but the principal dismissed this. She asked, “Just what do you propose we do when he is throwing furniture, pens and scissors?” (Oh I don't know. How about diffusing the situation before it gets that bad?) She also said they can’t just remove it from the IEP, and would have to call an IEP meeting. I asked why they couldn’t remove it from the IEP, since they just slipped it into a revision of the IEP without ever discussing it in the meeting. The principal says she wasn’t aware of the fact that restraint was just added into the IEP without discussion.

I then asked if they had started to do an FBA. I was told in February that they wanted to do one, and would call in a psychologist to do it, but they could not seem to find a psychologist. I asked about it again in March, but it had not been done. The principal told me she didn’t know if an FBA had been done, but she would have the special ed teacher call me. That call never came.

Another funny thing. The school called me the day he got upset in class, and said he wouldn't take his ISAT test. I told them I couldn't come get him because I had just walked in the door from the eye doctor, and I couldn't see to drive (I had to get a ride from my father-in-law). I could have gotten my husband to go get him. They assured me that my son had NOT had a meltdown, that they just wanted to let me know that he wouldn't take the test. No need to come get him. All was fine. This was just an FYI. Then we find the buises later. My son tells me he had a meltdown, and how they had to remove him from class. Interesting. So the school lied. Remember, they admitted to me they restrained him, but they would only admit to holding his upper arms which were buise-less, and not his lower arms. We must be lying. But wait. They lied to me about my son not having a meltdown. Then they admit he did have a meltdown and they restrained him AFTER I find the bruises, but they discourage DCFS from investigating because we must be lying about how the bruises got there. Ironic, huh?


Then I received a phone message, informing me that they are doing another IEP meeting April 11th. I didn't get home from work until 11:00pm, to find this cryptic message, telling me that there were going to be two other people invited and their names listed. I had no idea who they were, what the purpose of the meeting was, whether or not an FBA had been done, and I was given only a week's notice. A week??? Two co-workers have left our department, so we are down two people, and I have been thrust into the senior customer service position. We were short handed, I'm in the middle of training for this new position and new responsiblities, and they want me to get off work now?? How the heck am I going to swing that?


I was also informed that my son has not been doing any school work. He just won’t do anything. They also said they are afraid to make him do anything, because they are afraid to get him mad. They said he also keeps telling them that he hates school, and hates homework.


Up until Christmas, my son loved school, and eagerly completed his assignments. He would actually be upset about school holidays, because he wanted to go to school. Now he absolutely hates it.


Sheesh. Well, I tried to get off of work, and it was impossible. There is just no one to cover for me. I called the special ed teacher and left a message asking who the people were coming to the meeting, and what the purpose of the meeting was, and had they done the FBA. I got a call back telling me to call her. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to check voicemail because I was in the middle of training, and didn't get her "phone tag" until I she was gone for the day. I sent a letter to her the next day, asking the same questions, and informing her that I had asked off of work, but it had not yet been approved, and that I might not be able to make this meeting. All I got in response was the standard IEP form letter, saying that there was a meeting, and listing who was coming. Rats. It didn't give the purpose, no mention of the FBA, and I still don't know who one of the invited people were. (Perhaps a psychologist??). There was one name listed that was new, and that was the Special Ed Coordinator. Cool! To top it off, I found his email address on the school's website. Even better! My time off request had been denied at work, and now I had a contact that I might be able to reach via email. Phew! (I got the form letter on Thursday evening, but they were off of school Friday through Tuesday, and the meeting was Wednesday!) I sent off an email, telling him that I could not make the meeting, and asked him to inform the rest of the IEP team. I also asked the same questions I had been asking everybody else (FBA? Purpose of the Meeting? Who's Else is Coming?) You won't believe what I got in response.


I received a letter from the Special Ed Coordinator. He was fine about the fact that I wanted to reschedule the meeting. It was simply for the purpose of sharing information with his new school.


NEW SCHOOL???


(surprise!)


Oh, and I got a couple phone messages from the special ed teacher at my son's school. (This was before I saw the email from the Special Ed Coordinator). At first the special ed teacher refused to reschedule the meeting, seeing no reason to do so. She invited the Autism Team Representative (Since when?! She wasn't on the list! Why didn't they tell me??), and it was next to impossible to get her, and the meeting really needed to take place as planned. Then I left an angry message saying that I needed to reschedule because I couldn't get off work, and because I had no idea what the purpose of the meeting was, and I had no idea who the people invited to the meeting were, and no one told me that the Autism Team Rep was coming, and I had no idea if the FBA had been done and I needed more than a few days notice, etc. She left another message and said that the purpose of the meeting was to go over my son's behavior management plan. Ah yes, and it was no problem about rescheduling the meeting. Huh? Why the sudden change of heart?


It was right after that I got home and saw the email from the Special Ed Coordinator.


I guess they just decided to get rid of my son. Get him out of their hair. No point in consulting with his parents, now, eh?


Wow, and these are the people I'm supposed to trust.

Take A Pill

It's been a while since I've written. A lot has happened lately.

I'm so frustrated and unhappy. Nathan was suspended. Again. He hit another child with a piece of paper. They restrained him. Four adults picked him up and carried him by his hands and feet into a small, out of the way room. Once in there, they crossed his arms across his chest, one adult holding each arm, the principal holding his feet (and he has a previously broken toe), and a fourth adult holding his upper arms from behind. During all of this, they kept telling him, "You're just trying to put on a show for the other kids." By the time I got there, Nathan looked devastated, miserable, and heartsick. (Me too.) I feel like this restraint is being used as a punishment, and has nothing to do with safety. Otherwise, why would they need to restrain him AFTER they had gotten him out of the classroom and out of the hallway, and away from all the other people? And why reprimand him while he is being restrained, as if he had any control, as if he were doing this for attention? They've humiliated him, judged him, restrained him unnecessarily, and traumatized him. For what? Because it makes THEM feel better to do so? What the hell kind of effect is this going to have on him??I've been talking to Easter Seals a lot, and there is a woman there who has been very helpful. I called and left a message for her when I was going to get Nathan, and told her that he was being sent home from school, and that he'd been restrained again. She called me back after I got home. Thank God. She talked to me for a long time, before we went to the IEP meeting. She helped enormously. Then she met me at the school for the IEP meeting later in the afternoon.That IEP meeting was a real treat.The first thing that happened was that they told me they couldn't get a new psychologist. At least they didn't try to bring the old one back in this time. But now, because they don't have a psychologist, they didn't do a functional behavior analysis. Oh great.Then the meeting starts, and it was off to a hell of a start, when the teacher begins by informing us that all of the children in the class are afraid of my son. They're scared to be in the same class with him. Then she tells us that one little girl came up to her crying, saying she is so afraid to be in the same room with my son. Oh yes, and there were parents confronting her, also afraid to have their children in the same class with my son. The teacher is afraid, too. Just what every parent wants to hear about their child.They said, "right now, this is crisis mode."After that, the meeting turned to me, and what exactly had I done in regards to Nathan's medication. They had all kinds of little charts to show us how often Nathan melts down, and the duration of those meltdowns. There didn't appear to be any kind of pattern, according to the special ed teacher. She also had a chart to say what supposedely triggered the meltdowns, what happened before, what happened afterwards. Nice little visuals, that seemed to indicate that there is no regular pattern and no consistant trigger, and really offered no answers at all.The school nurse, bless her heart, said she doubts Nathan has ADHD. ROFL! That was the one thing at the meeting that I found fascinating, since the school had insisted, against the advice of the pediatrician, against our best judgement as his parents, and in contrast to their own test results that proved that Nathan definately did NOT have ADHD, that Nathan had to be medicated for ADHD or be expelled. I bet the rest of the IEP team wanted to strangle her for that little slip of honesty. I've never been convinced that he had it.They pointed out that the meds worked before, that Nathan did better last year. Yeah, he sure did. But then he had a teacher who was familiar with autism! No, they don't buy the fact that Nathan's success was due to people understaning his issues and how to deal with them, surely his success was medicinal. Better "up" those drugs, increase their dosage. Ignore the fact that the drugs give him horrible headaches, and that the drugs destroy his appetite, and that the drugs cause heart palpatations and chest pains. Drugs are the answer. It doesn't even matter that the drugs he was taking are for attention deficit, not to reduce or eliminate meltdowns. When this is pointed out, then they say they want DIFFERENT drugs. Sure...when ya find that magic little drug that cures autism, you just let me know, okay?When I said that the ADHD drugs could be aggravating the situation, because you're giving a kid who is already overwhelmed by his sensory issues a stimulant, his OT piped up and told me that she isn't convinced that Nathan's sensory issues are the problem. Huh?? You are talking about my son, right? The one who can't sleep in light? The one who could NEVER sleep in a car? The one who can't eat anything warmer than lukewarm because it burns? The one who screams if you get water on his face? The one who doesn't seem to feel the pain of an ear infection, even though it has burst his eardrum? The one who can't eat flavors he loves if the texture isn't right? The one who can't handle unexpected touch? Or loud noise? Or the intolerable volume of muzak? My kid? Oh, she's not denying that he might have some sensory issues, but they don't explain his meltdowns because the meltdowns are erratic, and the sensory stimulation should be static, unchanging from day to day. Fascinating. I had no idea that a public school had such consistancy. I'll have to learn their secret. But I guess this all just indicates that Nathan really doesn't have any kinds of disabilities. He just needs a good swift kick in the ass, right? (The former principal told me that a few years ago.) I found out that they are now trying to get more para minutes for Nathan - more aide time (or time with an adult). This shocked me, because they were incredibly resistant to this last spring. Para minutes are like gold. Too few paras, and too expensive. I had asked for this right in the beginning, and was told that they wouldn't ask the board of ed for para minutes because "I'm not putting my neck on the chopping block." It's funny how my opinions and suggestions always seem to be ignored, until everything goes to hell that is.I guess for now, they are going to try a new behaivor modifier. A little color chart, where you go from green to yellow to orange to red, as your day goes from good to bad. Sort of like the terrorism alerts that go from green to red. (Ironic, isn't it? That they want to use a terrorism alert to indicate how good or bad Nathan's behavior is?) Sigh. Yes, I know this is a typical chart used all the time, and it wasn't deliberate that it is similar to the terrorism threat. It still just seemed quite ironic to me.Most of the rest of the meeting seemed to boil down to the woman from Easter Seals trying to get them to do a functional behavior analysis, and them not commiting to it. They also mentioned that if this behavior isn't brought under control, that they would consider putting him in a self-contained classroom (not in mainstream classes). Once again, we feel like they are going to pressure us, and if we don't medicate Nathan, they will pursue this route. And it seems like it is all up to us, to fix the problem. It doesn't matter that this behavior seems to mostly happen at school, and that we don't even experience the kinds of melt downs they do, and we don't have a clue why his behavior is so different there, and we don't know what to do about it. If we don't fix it, they are going to push to have him pulled out of mainstream classes, and the only 'fix' they will accept is pharmaceutical. The woman from Easter Seals told us we didn't have to worry about this, that there is a process that needs to be followed, and it wouldn't just happen overnight. But it still bothers us, because we know that the school just wants him out of there. They don't want him. They don't like him. Everybody is afraid of him. Being around him "is like trying to walk around landmines."I just want to protect my baby from these people. I hate that it comes down to this. My son isn't a monster. He just needs the right tools to figure out when he's getting overwhelmed and the tools to help him de-escalate himself. He isn't intentionally bad. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. But he has no control. And no one seems to know how to teach him this control. I don't know what I would have done, had the woman from Easter Seals not been there. She was fabulous. And I found it amusing that she seemed to be leading the meeting a lot of the time. She called them to task a lot, too, which I loved.Right now I just wish I could bundle up my baby and run for the hills.

Broken Toe

Friday wasn't a whole lot better. Nathan had problems at school, but at least this time they kept him there and didn't make me come get him. His OT said he seemed to be overwhelmed by schoolwork, and that any hint of him slipping behind is extremely upsetting to him. I explained that the huge quantity of homework that hit him right after Christmas was just too much for him, and he doesn't seem to trust that he won't go back to that again. She agreed. She also thought it was a bad idea to send him home every time he throws a fit. She's afraid he'll start using fits to get out of school. I agreed.

In his folder was the letter saying they want to hold another IEP meeting, with everyone invited. I nearly flipped when I saw the school psychologist listed. No way is he getting involved again. I can't let that happen.

Noticibly absent from the IEP letter was the phrase "to re-evaluate his meds." (Not that this isn't the intent, it just isn't stated). It says it's to "review and or develop your child's IEP and determine the child's educational placement." (This is a form letter, with boxes to check). I also noted the absense of a checkmark next to "consider the need for a functional behavioral assessment for your child." How odd.

Also in his folder was a note from the special ed teacher regarding his day. She said he was kept in the resource room due to "high level of anxiety resulting in aggressive and violent behavior." Shc has been repeatedly using that word "anxiety" to justify the school's insistance that Nathan be put on stronger or different drugs. I notice that no one ever tries to figure out what is behind the anxiety or the behavior. I don't think anyone cares. They just seem to want him drugged.

Saturday, dh and I awoke to screaming. Nathan was running through the house, and he hit his foot into our aquarium. This is no little aquarium. This is a 70 gallon aquarium, weighing somewhere in the vicinity of 300 pounds - it had no give in it when Nathan ran his foot smack dab into it. Oh, the poor kid! His toenail even cut the skin on his toe (and blood and Nathan do not get along). He was literally wailing when he saw it was bleeding. He could slightly bend his toes, and could walk on the foot, so we decided to wait and see how it went. I tried to get Nathan to ice it, but that was short-lived. It didn't seem to swell up much or anything, and sometimes he would walk fairly normally on it, without a discernable limp. We figured he could have broken a toe (or more), but I know from past experience that there isn't much they can do for a toe. (I had a similar accident when I was a teenager). There was a bit of a bruise, in the shape of a triangle, from his middle toes to a point on the top of his foot. Not too bad. Yet.

However, the next morning, that bruise had extended across his toes, and up his foot, and around to the side of his foot. There was also swelling. I knew this was not just a jammed toe. I told dh we needed to get him to a doctor. He figured I was probably over-reacting, but I figured I would rather be accused of over-reacting than to have something wrong and know I did nothing about it. So off we went to the emergency clinic.

It was a broken toe. It wasn't too bad of a break, but it sure looked awful. They put him in a "boot," with two toes taped together with a mini elastic bandage. He can walk fairly well on it. No gym, no physical exertion. Tylenol or Motrin for the pain. We go back next weekend to have them follow up on it.

The pain is pretty bad for him, but fortunately the Motrin seems to keep it pretty much at bay, and lasts most of the school day. But he's really stretched thin on what he can tolerate, and he's very sensitive. I don't blame him. I would be too.

Today the special ed teacher called and told me that she knew she wasn't supposed to include their school psychologist in the IEP, but they hadn't determined who they would use, so she just put the title down without a name. She thought they might go with a retired school pscyhologist. I suggested they use the same girl they did before. (After all, she had a really good rapor with Nathan). She may have been a student, though, so I don't know if that's an option. At least the guy we dealt with before will not be a part of this.

Ironically, I just finished reading my brand new copy of Nathan's IEP. It says that we discussed restraining Nathan at the last IEP meeting, which is not true at all. The special ed teacher brought up restraining Nathan to me several days later, at a Valentine's Day party, and I told her it only served to worsen the situation, and hugely escalated his meltdown. It says in the IEP that "CPI physical restraints may be used." (I have never been told what CPI means)> The IEP also stated that the principal attended the meeting, which was not true. Then she included a copy of the Autism Team's recommendations. She had told me before that they recommended medication. Funny, there isn't a SINGLE WORD about medication in their recommendations!

I'm so worn out. I wish life would just smile on us for a while. We've had a lot of bad times, and not too many good times to balance it out.

Angel Pin

I wrote to Carla's Angels, a jeweler who makes angel pins, and asked her to create an angel pin for my son. I also asked if she would incorporate a puzzle piece into the design, and make it available to the public for Autism Awareness jewelry. Here is the design she came up with. http://www.carlasangels.com/asperger-autism-angel-pin.htm(Note: the pin is all silver - the rainbow effect only occurs when she photographs the pins)You can have the puzzle piece painted any color you like, and you can have the heart engraved with your angel's name. She can also put your angel's birthstone on the heart. It's very reasonably priced, too!!(I just left mine silver and I opted to not have the birthstone, but I did have it engraved. I can't wait to wear it! :)

Death and Meltdowns

This has been an awful week.

Riley had his surgery. The operation went well, and he came home. However, the bad news came a few days later, when the doctor informed us that the biopsy indicated it was an extremely aggressive and invasive cancer. He said this was not good news, and that we would discuss what to expect when we brought Riley in to have his stitches removed. We began preparing Nathan to face the fact that Riley would not be with us much longer.

On Friday, Feb. 2, we noticed Riley had a severe limp. Dh and I knew that this was the beginning of the end, but we still had this hope that we were mistaken. Last Saturday, when dh went to work, I heard Riley start crying. He kept moaning and crying - it was awful. That's when he started getting sick to his stomach. I called dh, and he told me to give him one of the pain pills.

Dh came home early from work, and we all said goodbye to Riley. Nathan was really shook up. Dh took him to the vet, and as we expected, the vet said, "it's time."

Riley died Saturday, February 3rd.

Tuesday, I got a call from the school. They said that Nathan had been in the office since 11:30 (this was at 1:30, when I got the phone call). They said there was also an "incident."

I had to dig my car out of about 4" of snow before I left work. By the time I got to school, Nathan was no longer in the office, and was now in the after school care program. He sounded awful. I got him home, only to discover he had a low grade fever. I turned right back around and faced the snow again, to take him to the walk-in clinic. We were there for over three hours. The doc said he just had a sore throat, no strep or anything, and he was fine to go back to school.

During our endless wait in the doctor's waiting room, Nathan told me that he had told the para at school that he had a sore throat, early in the morning. I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't sent to the nurse's office?? Anyway, I did ask him why he didn't ask them to take him to the office (when they didn't automatically offer to take him), and he said he didn't know he could do that. He knew he could go to the office if he had an upset tummy, or a headache, but he didn't know he could for a sore throat. I guess I didn't specify that a sore throat "counts" when it comes to illness. I tried to explain to him that it was for anything that made him feel yucky. I hope that covers any other ailment that we haven't come across yet.

After a while, the sore throat got to be too much for him, and had him so frustrated, that he had a melt down in school. Poor kid. The school was upset about it - you could tell when they called. But why the hell didn't they take him to the nurse's office when he first complained about being sick? Doesn't it occur to anybody that he can only handle so much? Sigh.

The next day, there was no fever at all, and no headaches, and Nathan claimed to feel great. I sent a note to school, instructing them to call dh if Nathan felt worse. I had my eye doctor appointment. I also warned them that Nathan would be very sensitive.

Oh, speaking of the eye appointment. I do have a blind spot in both eyes. Nothing to be done about it, at least unless it gets worse. Oh goody.

So that brings me to Thursday. Thursday I get another phone call from the school. They said Nathan was in the middle of a major meltdown. He threw scissors!! He was also tearing the place apart. It took three people to remove him from the classroom. (Great. That means they restrained him - a sure way to elevate the tantrum instantly). I was told they not only wanted me to come and get him, but that demanded that "Nathan's meds be re-evaluated." The meds were "not strong enough," and were "no longer doing the trick." I pointed out that his meds were for hyperactivity (ADHD) and to help him focus on his schoolwork, and had nothing to do with meltdowns. How would increasing his meds reduce the meltdowns? That's when she told me that Nathan needed NEW meds. I pointed out that the poor little guy had his dog die, and was sick, and suggested that this was all just too much for him. They insisted that Nathan had been acting up for weeks, and that now there was "an incident every day." (Funny, I didn't hear about daily incidents, only the one on Tuesday.)

I brought up the fact that they had met with the Autism Team at school (a meeting that they held in spite of the fact that I told them I couldn't come, due to my eye appointment - they didn't want to wait for the Autism Team to be available again - it could be a long wait). I asked if the Autism Team had any recommendations for Nathan. Oh yes, they most certainly did! They recommended that Nathan needed meds, too! Stunned, I asked, "Did they suggest what medicine to give for autism?" "Oh no," she replied, "They aren't doctors. They can't recommend specific medications." Interesting.

That's when they informed me that they are calling a new IEP meeting, one to specifically address "Re-Evaluating Nathan's Meds." They are going to include the entire Special Ed Department, The Autism Team, and oh yeah, dh and I. All to address the issue that Nathan's meds were not enough, that they either needed to be strengthened or a new drug needed to be administered! Then she told me that she had to get off the phone, to assist the principal with Nathan. (Yeah? Who's assisting Nathan?)

I got to the school as quickly as I could. What a site I walked in on! There was a trail of markers and papers on the floor, and overturned chairs, presumably the work of Nathan. I followed the trail into the principal's office. There I found the principal and the para and the special ed teacher all in a semi-circle, cornering Nathan. They were all just standing there, keeping him cornered. Oh geez! Poor kid. Nathan was standing there with his back to the corner, his arms locked at his sides, growling. Shit. Nothing like seeing your son treated like an animal.

I went up and tried to talk to Nathan, who even took a swipe at my hand when I reached for him. What did they do to him?? I did my best to position myself between Nathan and his captors. I pulled up a chair, and tried to talk to him calmly, suggesting that we leave the office and go to the Sensory Room. (The principal and company had been trying to get him there since the incident.) Within minutes, I was able to coax him out, reluctant but walking, and talking a little. Hey, I'll take all the improvement I can get.

I tried to walk casually down to the room, but then the para and the special ed teacher got in front of us, and started talking to him to. Nathan stopped in his tracks. Shit! Can't they see I'm getting somewhere with him, and leave the two of us alone?? I turned and said that I would meet them down there. One walked off, the other went to the sensory room. I was then able to keep Nathan moving forward.

Nathan likes the para, so having her in the sensory room was very good. The two of us had him smiling within minutes! He was not over the whole thing yet, still acting fairly wild - not violent, just hyper, swinging things, and not yet in control. We were able to get him significantly calmer though. I finally got him to tell me what set him off. He said the teacher got ahead of him when they were doing math, and he was upset to fall behind. The para said this seems to be a pervasive theme. I told her that Nathan had a cold, and he lost his dog, and he probably also picked up on the stress I was feeling being tested for glaucoma and macular degeneration. That's a lot for any kid. She happened to mention, too, that the school had not had any recess for weeks because of the extreme cold snap we were in. They kids stayed in their classrooms. Not good - Nathan needs that break, and to get out of that room for a while, and he needs the opportunity to burn off that energy, too. There were a lot of things working against him.

I returned to the principal's office to pick up my purse, and was informed that Nathan had been suspended for a day. Oh great. He had thrown things, threw scissors at his teacher, hit the principal in the head with a box of some kind (crayon box, according to Nathan), punched the special ed teacher in the stomach (I think that was when she tried to restrain him). The principal said she had talked to Nathan and she could tell that he knew what he was doing, and that he knew it was wrong, and he didn't care. So she felt it was justified to suspend him.

Nathan was still in the middle of the meltdown while I was at school, so she couldn't have talked to him when he was in control. No possible way. How can anyone expect a kid in full blown meltdown mode be able to communicate effectively about his actions or behavior - he can't even control his actions or behavior! Geez, he probably said all kinds of awful things in the heat of his meltdown. That doesn't mean he meant it. I can't help but feel like they are punishing him for something out of his control, and when they were working to make the whole incident worse for him. To me, that's like punishing a diabetic for having a seizure after you fed him a bunch of sugar.

We brought him to the classroom, but the bell had just rung, and all the kids were rushing out - a lot of activity to add to his sensory overload. His buddy did his best to act like a clown, and I saw Nathan go right back into a defensive mode. I tried to get him to help clean up, but he kept protesting that he didn't throw all that stuff on the floor that I was making him pick up. I had a hard time believing that, until his teacher confirmed that part of the mess was the result of two kids leaving their papers all over their desks and the floor! Geez, those mess WERE bigger than Nathan's! No wonder he was getting mad at me for insisting we clean it (but we did it anyway.)

His teacher came up and told me how upset she was that Nathan had acted like that toward her, that he threw things at her. She tried to ignore it because he was only throwing paper at first, but then he started thowing other stuff, like crayons, and she ingored it again! (Hey wait a minute - don't you think ignoring him was frustrating him further? He threw it because he didn't know how to communicate something to you!) That's when he threw the scissors, and that scared her. (These were safety scissors, not pointed ones, so it isn't quite as bad as it sounds). I said that Nathan had told me he had fallen behind in math, and this is what set him over the edge. She absolutely denied this, insisting that math was over and graded, and they had moved on! She said that Nathan got upset because he wanted to color, and she wanted him to do work!

Huh! That's odd! Nathan's usually pretty straight forward when he tells you what got him upset. When he's able to talk, that is. I was surprised that he didn't tell me.

On the way home, I tried to talk to Nathan about this, and he got very upset. He denied that he had the fit over coloring. He was adamant that it was the math! When we got home, he even pulled out the math paper and showed me - she had sent it home as homework!

Well now, this was all making more sense. For him to fall behind is still horribly upsetting, because he still fears the ton of paperwork that he's had until now. I tried to remind him that we are not going to do more than two half-hour segments of homework a night, with a break in between. The IEP team all agreed on that. But poor Nathan has no confidence in this yet, and still fears the 6 hour stretches of homework.

I'm still so upset about all this. It brings back all the issues we dealt with before with Nathan at that school, how they just kept suspending him every time he got upset, until they threatened to expel him, unless of course we agreed to put him on meds. It's a different principal, different teacher, but the same tactic. I feel railroaded, and trapped.

I realize Nathan's meltdowns are horrible. I know there is a problem. I am NOT convinced he needs to be medicated to resolve it. He is not medicated at all at home, and yet we don't have the issues the school does. Hell, when they were sending home over 40 hours of homework a week, I was teaching him without any meds at all, and without benefit of a teacher's training - yet we did it all without a single meltdown! Why is that? I was actually spending more time teaching him than the teacher did at school, too - they only have school for 30 hours a week. He doesn't require medications to learn. He needs help with communicating when he gets frustrated, sick, overloaded, or overstimulated. He needs help identifying when he is getting overloaded, and he needs ways to diffuse that for himself, or to get away from the rest of the group until he can get under control.

He needs someone to care about him.