I had another quilting class today! It is so rejuvenating. I can't express how much this does to uplift my soul. I needed it. I've been so weary lately.
We focused on hand quilting this time. I think I enjoy this more than the machine quilting (for the decorative stitches on the top), though I can't honestly tell you that I'm any better at this than I was the machine quilting. Oh well. It just takes some practice, something I usually don't have a lot of time for. But I'll get there. :)
Today was a really good day. So nice. So peaceful.
I really need to do this more often.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Darth Vader
I just love Halloween!
Today we went out to get Nathan's Halloween costume. Hooboy, what a decision. Leaving the decision to Nathan is never quick or simple. It is best to give him a very limited choice, or you could be standing there for hours while he tries to figure out which one he wants. (His teacher found that out the hard way when she asked him to bring his favorite pencil with him to the music room - 20 minutes later he happily left with the perfect pencil in hand...)
But hey, this is Halloween! And a kid has got to pick his own costume. That's half the fun! So we resigned ourselves to be at the store forever while Nathan made up his mind. Dh had the brilliant idea of giving him the sales flyer for the costume shop, a week in advance. So by the time we walked in there, Nathan had it narrowed down to three! We ended up getting out of the store in a reasonable amount of time, we got two mega bags of candy, and Nathan got to pick his perfect costume. :) It was so much fun! We got tshirts that said "...got candy?" and Dh got a skeleton to hang on his machine at work. LOL!
All we need now is the pumpkin!
Today we went out to get Nathan's Halloween costume. Hooboy, what a decision. Leaving the decision to Nathan is never quick or simple. It is best to give him a very limited choice, or you could be standing there for hours while he tries to figure out which one he wants. (His teacher found that out the hard way when she asked him to bring his favorite pencil with him to the music room - 20 minutes later he happily left with the perfect pencil in hand...)
But hey, this is Halloween! And a kid has got to pick his own costume. That's half the fun! So we resigned ourselves to be at the store forever while Nathan made up his mind. Dh had the brilliant idea of giving him the sales flyer for the costume shop, a week in advance. So by the time we walked in there, Nathan had it narrowed down to three! We ended up getting out of the store in a reasonable amount of time, we got two mega bags of candy, and Nathan got to pick his perfect costume. :) It was so much fun! We got tshirts that said "...got candy?" and Dh got a skeleton to hang on his machine at work. LOL!
All we need now is the pumpkin!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
No Room
I tried applying to a program in town for after-school care for kids with disabilities. Unfortunately, they are full, and have a waiting list. They may be opening a second location soon, but they didn't know where it would be. It may not even be close to us. And it wouldn't be available until next year. Not exactly the news I was hoping for. As far as I know, I am all out of options. It seems like I have no other choice but to keep him in his current program for now.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Hating Daycare
My poor baby.
Yep, another meltdown today at daycare. I've got to find something else. This is just too hard on him, and it's killing me to see the look on his face when I arrive.
He looked like he had just been in a battle from hell. His face was red and blotchy, his eyes had dark rings under them - at first I thought he had black eyes! He was absolutely miserable, and he started to burst into tears when he tried to tell me what happened.
It didn't help that as soon as he started to talk, the caregiver started giving him flack for tearing the place a part. I carefully explained to her that his meltdowns are a response to an overstimulation to his senses, and that he has no control when they occur. I was basically trying to interrupt her so that she couldn't keep lecturing my son. I didn't try to minimize why she was pissed off. I understood that. But I didn't want her to continue trying to discipline a child that was not only traumatized, but unable to control his actions. She started in on him a second time, and I interrupted her again. I wasn't being mean or rude. But I wanted her to talk to me, not to him. He had obviously had enough.
At one point, Nathan started to tell me what took place, and said that he was hit. The caregiver exclaimed that this was more than he had told her! Gee, big surprise. I told her he is autistic (I didn't know if she had been told before) and that he has trouble communicating sometimes. I said he needs to start at the beginning, and talk through it step by step. I then turned back to Nathan and asked him again what happened. He had already clammed up after she interrupted him, and I needed to do a little coaxing, but I got him to talk again. He said that he was hit. I asked him if he was hit by a ball (they had been playing a ball game), and he said no, it was a part of someone's body! Then he burst into tears and said, "He told me that he didn't care! He hit me and he didn't care!" Aw geez. He is so sensitive to injustice, that he just can't handle when others won't apologize or won't show regret. Poor kid. I said, "Nathan, I care." Somehow this seemed to calm him down considerably. I think that's all he really wanted, was for someone to give a damn that he'd been hurt. Not so much to ask.
Before we left, I asked if he was thrown out of the after-school-care, or if he could attend tomorrow. She said no, he could return tomorrow, but NOT TODAY. Yeah, no problem. I couldn't wait to get him out of there.
On the way out, we ran into the kind man who we had talked to yesterday. He could see for himself the look on Nathan's face, and held out his hands saying, "what happened?" I told him that today was worse than yesterday. He shook his head and apologized. Nice guy. It looked like he was just coming on duty. Too bad he didn't get there earlier. Maybe Nathan would have made it today.
You know, Nathan has a pretty good read of people. He has good instincts. He can tell when someone thinks he is bad, even if they don't say the words. That woman caregiver had a real attitude about Nathan. I had a pretty good impression that this was making the whole meltdown much worse than usual.
I've got to do something. I don't know what yet, but I have to change this. I need to get him somewhere where there is more patience, more understanding, more compassion. Does it even exist here? How can I keep facing that look on his face? That emotional pain?
Yep, another meltdown today at daycare. I've got to find something else. This is just too hard on him, and it's killing me to see the look on his face when I arrive.
He looked like he had just been in a battle from hell. His face was red and blotchy, his eyes had dark rings under them - at first I thought he had black eyes! He was absolutely miserable, and he started to burst into tears when he tried to tell me what happened.
It didn't help that as soon as he started to talk, the caregiver started giving him flack for tearing the place a part. I carefully explained to her that his meltdowns are a response to an overstimulation to his senses, and that he has no control when they occur. I was basically trying to interrupt her so that she couldn't keep lecturing my son. I didn't try to minimize why she was pissed off. I understood that. But I didn't want her to continue trying to discipline a child that was not only traumatized, but unable to control his actions. She started in on him a second time, and I interrupted her again. I wasn't being mean or rude. But I wanted her to talk to me, not to him. He had obviously had enough.
At one point, Nathan started to tell me what took place, and said that he was hit. The caregiver exclaimed that this was more than he had told her! Gee, big surprise. I told her he is autistic (I didn't know if she had been told before) and that he has trouble communicating sometimes. I said he needs to start at the beginning, and talk through it step by step. I then turned back to Nathan and asked him again what happened. He had already clammed up after she interrupted him, and I needed to do a little coaxing, but I got him to talk again. He said that he was hit. I asked him if he was hit by a ball (they had been playing a ball game), and he said no, it was a part of someone's body! Then he burst into tears and said, "He told me that he didn't care! He hit me and he didn't care!" Aw geez. He is so sensitive to injustice, that he just can't handle when others won't apologize or won't show regret. Poor kid. I said, "Nathan, I care." Somehow this seemed to calm him down considerably. I think that's all he really wanted, was for someone to give a damn that he'd been hurt. Not so much to ask.
Before we left, I asked if he was thrown out of the after-school-care, or if he could attend tomorrow. She said no, he could return tomorrow, but NOT TODAY. Yeah, no problem. I couldn't wait to get him out of there.
On the way out, we ran into the kind man who we had talked to yesterday. He could see for himself the look on Nathan's face, and held out his hands saying, "what happened?" I told him that today was worse than yesterday. He shook his head and apologized. Nice guy. It looked like he was just coming on duty. Too bad he didn't get there earlier. Maybe Nathan would have made it today.
You know, Nathan has a pretty good read of people. He has good instincts. He can tell when someone thinks he is bad, even if they don't say the words. That woman caregiver had a real attitude about Nathan. I had a pretty good impression that this was making the whole meltdown much worse than usual.
I've got to do something. I don't know what yet, but I have to change this. I need to get him somewhere where there is more patience, more understanding, more compassion. Does it even exist here? How can I keep facing that look on his face? That emotional pain?
Monday, October 9, 2006
The Daycare
Oh man. Another bad day.
I got a phone call at work to come get Nathan. They said he flipped out when they tried to separate him from his buddy. Then they grabbed him, to remove him from the group. They discovered quickly enough that grabbing him is not going to help the situation any. He went ballistic.
When they called, my son was in a corner, and throwing things at the caregivers. He had already hit several of them, and tried to yank a jacket off another. It sounds like he was also trying to hit people with his own jacket. I was relieved to find him unrestrained (though separated from the crowd, which is a good thing), and not pinned to the ground. That at least was a step up from Thursday's incident. One of the caregivers disappeared the minute I showed up. She looked pissed. (It makes me wonder if they even have any idea what they are dealing with, or if they even know he has autism. I sure hope they have been made aware. It would really stink to have a job like that, and not be told that one of the kids has these sensory and meltdown issues. I know they weren't told at his school. That just frustrated me to no end, and I can only imagine how it must frustrate the poor caregivers).
By the time I reached Nathan, he had calmed down. The guy told me I could bring him back tomorrow, and that he thought it would be okay because he could see some things that worked with Nathan, and some of the things that didn't work. Wow. I don't usually hear that kind of response. The man seemed very kind, and he was confident that he would have a more successful day tomorrow. I sure hope he's right. I really appreciated his willingness, and his lack of judgement.
This was all such crappy timing, too. Today I emailed in my employee review. Sigh. I was so hopeful that all these meltdowns would fade away, and at least be few and far between. No such luck. At least not yet.
It worries me.
I got a phone call at work to come get Nathan. They said he flipped out when they tried to separate him from his buddy. Then they grabbed him, to remove him from the group. They discovered quickly enough that grabbing him is not going to help the situation any. He went ballistic.
When they called, my son was in a corner, and throwing things at the caregivers. He had already hit several of them, and tried to yank a jacket off another. It sounds like he was also trying to hit people with his own jacket. I was relieved to find him unrestrained (though separated from the crowd, which is a good thing), and not pinned to the ground. That at least was a step up from Thursday's incident. One of the caregivers disappeared the minute I showed up. She looked pissed. (It makes me wonder if they even have any idea what they are dealing with, or if they even know he has autism. I sure hope they have been made aware. It would really stink to have a job like that, and not be told that one of the kids has these sensory and meltdown issues. I know they weren't told at his school. That just frustrated me to no end, and I can only imagine how it must frustrate the poor caregivers).
By the time I reached Nathan, he had calmed down. The guy told me I could bring him back tomorrow, and that he thought it would be okay because he could see some things that worked with Nathan, and some of the things that didn't work. Wow. I don't usually hear that kind of response. The man seemed very kind, and he was confident that he would have a more successful day tomorrow. I sure hope he's right. I really appreciated his willingness, and his lack of judgement.
This was all such crappy timing, too. Today I emailed in my employee review. Sigh. I was so hopeful that all these meltdowns would fade away, and at least be few and far between. No such luck. At least not yet.
It worries me.
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Physical
Thursday was not a good day.
Dh arrived at daycare to pick Nathan up, only to find him pinned to the floor, his arms crossed over his chest like some kind of straight jacket hold. He had been having a major meltdown. When they tried to release him, he would literally punch at the caregiver. Dh got him away from her, but then Nathan turned on him, punching at his hands where Dh was trying to hold him.
It all sprang from Nathan's frustration over not being able to do something. They had been playing a card game, and they asked Nathan to rubberband the deck of cards. He didn't know how to do that, to double the rubberband up on itself when the band was larger than the deck of cards. Rather than ask for help, or just say he didn't know how to do that, he just flipped out.
I ran out to Barnes & Noble, and Borders, looking for that book Can I Tell You About Asperger's Syndrome, but I couldn't find it. I sure hope he doesn't get thrown out of daycare again.
Not that I would blame them if they did. But I'm down to my last options here. I know the Park District has an afterschool care program, but it makes me nervous because Nathan was suspended the last time he had a meltdown when at a Park District daycamp. It's so hard for dh and I to not have a daycare we can depend upon. When they suspend him for a day or more, one of us has to take off work to be home with him. It really isn't punishment for Nathan, because 15 minutes past the event, he is done with it, and suspending him from the program doesn't really relate to the event. On top of it, he gets to be home, with mom or dad. That's like a reward for the event. And I keep waiting for the day when work pulls me aside and tells me they can't keep having me run out on them everytime my son throws a tantrum.
I took Nathan to the pediatrician on Wednesday. All he cared about was, "How is he doing in school?" Well, he's doing great academically, but it's these meltdowns that are the big issue. The doc said not to worry about it, as long as he's doing great in school. "Good job, Mom." Sigh. That's just useless to me. I asked about taking Nathan to a specialist. The pediatrician said I could, but he didn't think it was such a great idea. He said they have drugs for autism, but they are all experimental, and he shook his head as if to say 'you don't want to do that."
No, I don't want to do that. I don't even want him on the ADHD drug. I don't want him on any meds. I just want him to learn some tools to help him cope with his frustration levels. Perhaps it is too soon for all the therapy to make much of a difference. Or maybe the therapy doesn't really affect that. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to help my son. I want him to not have to experience being pinned to the floor or having his arms held across his chest like a straightjacket. I want him to feel confidence in his own ability to control himself.
Where do I go to find help?
Dh arrived at daycare to pick Nathan up, only to find him pinned to the floor, his arms crossed over his chest like some kind of straight jacket hold. He had been having a major meltdown. When they tried to release him, he would literally punch at the caregiver. Dh got him away from her, but then Nathan turned on him, punching at his hands where Dh was trying to hold him.
It all sprang from Nathan's frustration over not being able to do something. They had been playing a card game, and they asked Nathan to rubberband the deck of cards. He didn't know how to do that, to double the rubberband up on itself when the band was larger than the deck of cards. Rather than ask for help, or just say he didn't know how to do that, he just flipped out.
I ran out to Barnes & Noble, and Borders, looking for that book Can I Tell You About Asperger's Syndrome, but I couldn't find it. I sure hope he doesn't get thrown out of daycare again.
Not that I would blame them if they did. But I'm down to my last options here. I know the Park District has an afterschool care program, but it makes me nervous because Nathan was suspended the last time he had a meltdown when at a Park District daycamp. It's so hard for dh and I to not have a daycare we can depend upon. When they suspend him for a day or more, one of us has to take off work to be home with him. It really isn't punishment for Nathan, because 15 minutes past the event, he is done with it, and suspending him from the program doesn't really relate to the event. On top of it, he gets to be home, with mom or dad. That's like a reward for the event. And I keep waiting for the day when work pulls me aside and tells me they can't keep having me run out on them everytime my son throws a tantrum.
I took Nathan to the pediatrician on Wednesday. All he cared about was, "How is he doing in school?" Well, he's doing great academically, but it's these meltdowns that are the big issue. The doc said not to worry about it, as long as he's doing great in school. "Good job, Mom." Sigh. That's just useless to me. I asked about taking Nathan to a specialist. The pediatrician said I could, but he didn't think it was such a great idea. He said they have drugs for autism, but they are all experimental, and he shook his head as if to say 'you don't want to do that."
No, I don't want to do that. I don't even want him on the ADHD drug. I don't want him on any meds. I just want him to learn some tools to help him cope with his frustration levels. Perhaps it is too soon for all the therapy to make much of a difference. Or maybe the therapy doesn't really affect that. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to help my son. I want him to not have to experience being pinned to the floor or having his arms held across his chest like a straightjacket. I want him to feel confidence in his own ability to control himself.
Where do I go to find help?
Sunday, October 1, 2006
Slobby
Geez, I just finished cleaning Nathan's bedroom. Just how disorganized and slobby can one little kid get???
I know being disorganized is an Aspie trait, but it's still exhausting. At least now he has a desk again, and he can see his floor. I was so sick of seeing all that mess. It's not perfect. He has too much junk for that little tiny room. But I wasn't up to going through every toy, every piece of clothing, every whatever. I was pretty much just trying to get it livable again.
I know I need to keep on him, to clean his room pretty much every single day, or it turns into chaos. But sometimes I'm just too tired from work to want to deal with nagging a little kid I get to see too little of anyway.
I'll sleep good tonight, though, knowing it's at least presentable again.
I know being disorganized is an Aspie trait, but it's still exhausting. At least now he has a desk again, and he can see his floor. I was so sick of seeing all that mess. It's not perfect. He has too much junk for that little tiny room. But I wasn't up to going through every toy, every piece of clothing, every whatever. I was pretty much just trying to get it livable again.
I know I need to keep on him, to clean his room pretty much every single day, or it turns into chaos. But sometimes I'm just too tired from work to want to deal with nagging a little kid I get to see too little of anyway.
I'll sleep good tonight, though, knowing it's at least presentable again.
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