Never Again!

I received a call from the school, confirming the reschedule on the meeting to next Wednesday. Then she asked me if I would mind if they included the school psychologist in the meeting, stating that they prefer to work as a team, and he is usually part of that team.

I was speechless at first. I thought I was simply confirming my attendance at the meeting - I hadn't expected this. The thought of dealing with him again makes everything within me scream in alarm. I was at work while speaking to her, and I was not comfortable with getting too in-depth about what happened before, but I didn't have a whole lot of choice. If I didn't explain, I ran the risk of having him in my son's life again, and I was not willing to do that.

After hanging up with the school, I was distressed for a long time. Had it just been me that the psychologist affected and hurt, that may have been one thing. But this is my son, and I am not going to risk my son's well being on the presumption that this guy has reconsidered his viewpoint.

He was the one that literally refused to help me. He was the one that passed judgements on my child, and never even considered the possibility that a neurological problem could be at the root of his issues. He described my son with vehement and alarming bias. When I protested, he accused me of being in denial. When I was reluctant to medicate my son, he responded in anger, even though his own tests (and my son's doctor) indicated that he didn't need medication. He shouted at me with judgements that were unprofessional, let alone unkind. I was left reeling with the realization that my son had not only been judged as bad, but as evil and dangerous. And I was judged as inept in my parenting skills, as evidenced by my being "in denial" about my son's alleged depravity. (You bet, I'm in denial!)

Ironically, that "psychologist" did me a favor. It was because of the incident with him that I reached a breaking point. Never again. I will never again ignore my own instincts about my son. I will never again allow someone's title or position to overshadow my understanding of my son. I will never again trust so blindly. I would never again allow anyone to sway my certainty that my husband and I know that child better than anyone.

I know the woman from school didn't really know all the facts about what had transpired before, even after our conversation, but she did hear enough to make her realize that there was more to this story, and that including the psychologist as a part of my son's team could be ill-advised and potentially destructive. She was very gracious. And I appreciated that they valued my input enough to ask before they included that psychologist, and they withdrew the suggestion as soon as it became apparent that I was disturbed by it.

While I am quite willing to fight with force and ferocity for my son's serenity, I am also quite pleased when it becomes unnecessary to do so.

Postponed

Well, the meeting was called off. The person from the Autism Team that was holding the meeting was unable to make it because her daughter got sick. They are going to try to reschedule it for next Wednesday instead.

I'm a little bummed. I had been really looking forward to this. I guess after doing all this research about Autism, I had looked forward to learning something specifically related to my son and not the Autism population at large. I keep hoping to find something I can latch on to, something that will be of some help to my son, and make his world easier to function in.

At least the reschedule will be better for my work schedule. We are short handed this week, and my leaving would have been difficult. Next week does work much better all around. (Except for my patience, of course!)

Improvements

Dh and I were talking tonight, and we both agree that Nathan seems calmer lately. He still has his hyper moments and everything, but there are more and more un-hyper moments, if that makes sense. For example, before he used to always dash off at top speed if he wanted something, perhaps even crashing into people that happened into his path as he bolted. But now, he sometimes walks off to get something. It's a subtle change, but we've both noticed a difference.

Nathan told dh that he wants to get through the whole school year without having a "bad day." We both doubt the possibility of that, but Nathan insisted to him that the services at school are helping him, and he doesn't think he'll have a meltdown. I wonder if he is just parroting what he thinks we want to hear, or if the special services have really made a difference for him?

If the changes in him are due to the therapy and such, I wonder which is the one that is so beneficial? Is it the sensory work the physical therapist is doing? Or the music therapy? Or is this just the honeymoon phase that graces the beginning of a new school year, and the new-ness will wear off...?

Whatever the reason, and however long it lasts, I'll take every improvement I can get.

RockfordAutism.com

I've finally finished the website! I purchased a new domain name: www.RockfordAutism.com, and I hooked up with a web host. So the website is officially up and running!

I sent the link for the new website out to a handful of people now, to check the place out. I'm rather pleased with it so far. Easter Seals wants to put the link on their website!! Very cool!

There are things I still want to add to the site. I want to list the local organizations and what services or support each of these places can supply, and what one needs to do to obtain those services. The problem is, I'm so new to this that I don't know what's out there yet. I'm still learning. But at least I have the names of places to contact. They're all in the "favorites" list. I would also like to add more information about doctors. I'm also going to get more pictures to put in the gallery. Maybe the support group families will be willing to email me pictures to use....? In any case, I'll try to bring my camera when there are group events, and snap some photos. It will fill up quickly.

I also want to find out how to get a website to list out on the search engines. I need to also find out how to use RSS feeds in FrontPage 2002. I'm pretty sure it can do it, but I just don't know how. I had a dickens of a time getting them to post on my blog site, but I finally got it working.

The flyer for the support group was sent to me. How ironic! The guest speaker is going to focus on: "How to support your child when they are being bullied in the classroom, playground or in the community." Is that timely, or what? After all the bullying Nathan's been through, (and consequently, WE'VE been through!) I wouldn't miss that meeting for anything. Nathan's been bullied pretty much all his life.

The Autism Team

I'm so excited! The school social worker called and told me that the Autism Team has decided to take on Nathan's case. They came into his classroom to observe, and they have some recommendations to make. She wanted to know if I would be interested in attending the meeting, where the Autism Team makes their recommendations. (What, are you kidding? Of course I'll be there!) Yippee!!

I have no idea what this will be like, and if their suggestions will amount to any real hope for my son, but I have to admit that I'm extremely optimistic. I can't imagine any bad coming out of this, and the possibility for good is enormous.

Nathan told me last night in the car that he thinks all the time he is spending in the special ed services has really helped him, and makes school easier for him. I was glad he couldn't see the tears in my eyes. I want so much to help him, and to make his days less painful and stressful. So many things that come easily to everyone else are such a struggle for him, yet he is one of the happiest kids you would ever want to meet. He never stays down for long, even when he's had troubles. I want to see him get through his days without being bullied, without being looked at like he's defective or bad, and with all the joys of childhood that every child deserves.

A Web Site

I've been trying to put together a website, directed at parents in my hometown. I want a place where people can find local information. When I first found out about Nathan's diagnosis, I wanted to find support groups, and people familiar with autism. I had all kinds of questions about what kinds of doctors to take him to, what daycares or babysitters work well with autistic kids, suggestions on how best to deal with his issues. I asked the review board at the school if there were books I should look for, and they told me "anything by Tony Atwood." They also told me to get that book "Can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome?" (I do love that book.) I'm still wondering if there are music or art teachers that are good with Aspies, or Cub Scout leaders, or team sports coaches. I've heard that there may be schools in the area that might be better for autistic kids (at least middle schools).

Anyway, I tried to gather up all the info I had, and put it in one organized place. I even put all the sites I found for awareness merchandise. (I just realized I have inherited "a cause" now). I don't know if the website is all that helpful yet, but I hope it will be. I'm hoping the local autism community will contribute to it. I need information in there for services, for one thing. I'm still finding out about that stuff. I hope to have more info soon, too, about medical considerations.

I started this blog, with the idea of giving newly diagnosed families a familiar voice. I think it really helped me to talk with other parents, and to find out they deal with very similar issues. It helped to feel less alone, to connect with someone else who "gets it." I'm hoping other parents might share their blogs, too, or maybe even be willing to start one up as well.

One thing that became painfully obvious to me was that I have difficulty in relating to other mothers. While they are worried about their kids performance in the basketball game last night, and how much stuff they sold for the PTO, I'm worrying about ISPs and new physical therapies, or worrying about my son being beaten up on the bus stop. I just don't seem to have much in common with the other mothers, and it is a terribly lonely feeling. I guess I'm hoping a blog could be a place where another mom might find something she could relate to.

I was surprised at how much I could personalize this blog. I chose the puzzle piece background, because puzzle pieces are the nationally recognized symbol for autism. They symbolize the puzzling disorder we cope with. The multiple colors symbolizes the diversity of the people who deal with autism, and how no two children with autism are the same. So I used multiple colors for the blog as well, and incorporated the puzzle pieces. I used the same colors and patterns on the website I built.

I have it parked on my old website, but if the support group approves of the idea and the website, I will go ahead and purchase a suitable domain name.

Worries

Well, the summer has drawn to an end, and Nathan is back at school. Friday he had his first note sent home, informing us of an incident where Nathan became upset. He pinched his finger when putting a chair away, and that put him in one of his snits. They said he glared at the para, and said, "I know how to do it!" He continued to glare at the para, and the para replied, "Please do not talk to me that way!" The teacher said she will remind him that this is not acceptable.

I've got to wonder if she realizes that he gets like that when he is overstimulated, and the pinched finger was more like the proverbial straw on the camel's back...?

On a good note, the neighbor kids have steered clear of Nathan all summer. Only once did they mess with him, after the cops came by. The boy saw Nathan in the yard, and yelled that he was going to cut off his head for calling the police on him. Nathan yelled back that HE didn't call the police, his mom did! heh heh heh

The neighbor girl is in his class again this year, though. I have waited on the corner with him for the bus, so she hasn't been alone with him yet. I'm afraid to leave him alone with her.

Geez, do all parents have these kinds of worries all the time?