Last week went pretty smoothly. There was one incident, a sort of mini-melt, that occurred in the cafeteria. I guess DS got upset when he couldn't locate his buddy in the lunchroom. The para said they were going to try to set it up so that the boys could meet before lunch, to avoid a recurrence. I didn't hear of any aggressions, just that he got upset, so that's good. And they seemed to handle it rather well. It was only a partial week, but considering last year he was restrained on day 2, it was a far better beginning here than there.
Yesterday was rather touchy, however. The school called DH. (Not really sure why they call him. I thought I had indicated that I should be the primary contact?) DS was having a pretty good meltdown. Not yet aggressive, but unable to communicate, rigid, unmoving, frozen in the hallway.
Oh great. At that point, we had two people not show up in my department. I was the only one on the phones, until the gal from purchasing jumped in to help me. It's not her responsibility to cover my department. I couldn't leave with no one in the department!
I called the school and spoke to the Vice Principal. He seemed nice on the phone, and very understanding of what was going on with DS. But by now, DS was growling. Not good. And he'd been in the hallway for more than a class period. Shoot. I told him I'd try to get there, but right now I had no one to cover for me.
Fortunately, as soon as I got off the phone, a co-worker arrived. It was still the worst possible moment to ask to leave, but they were nice enough to allow it. I rushed to the school (which is closer to me than the old one, thank goodness).
DS wasn't in the hallway by the gym as I was told, so I headed to the office. The VP came to meet me. He seemed even nicer in person than on the phone, which was a huge relief for me.
DS was in the nurse's office, and had that dark-circles-under-the-eye thing going on. That's not a good sign. I tried to sound as cheerful as I could, so he wouldn't assume I was mad or he was in trouble. Poor kid was probably scared out of his mind after all the promises we'd heard previously to call the police if he melted. I was a bit worried myself, truth be told.
I tried to talk to him but he was completely shut off. He didn't growl, though, so that was at least a start. I managed to wheedle out of him that he got upset because he went to gym class and got into the locker room, when he realized that he forgot to bring his gym clothes. They were still in his backpack. Well, in a new place, where he didn't know what would happen, he freaked. He ran out of the locker room, and to his aide. Unfortunately, he couldn't TELL the poor aide what was wrong, so she was at a loss about what was happening and why.
Once we got the reason figured out, the VP and the nurse and the aide were extremely helpful. They offered to let him change in the nurse's office for now. He could keep his gym clothes there. That killed several birds with one stone. That offered DS some privacy, a less overwhelming (noisy, over-stimulating) place to change, and a routine to keep him from forgetting the uniform. They also asked about some other things that had upset him that day and previously. We've sent earplugs to help with the lunchroom and locker room. We also agreed to allow DS to walk into the school without his aide, and he would meet her inside. (He was upset about being escorted in, apparently.) And they already arranged for him to meet his buddy at lunch.
Okay, by now DS is really cheering up. He's talking again, at least in short sentences. He's SMILING, which is huge. I ask him if he's ready to go back to class, and he isn't sure. So we take our time of it, go get a drink at the drinking fountain, and chat a little. Now he seems like himself. I ask again about going to class, and he is all set to go. Phew. He went off cheerfully.
I left rather cheerful myself. The VP was unbelievably nice. Gosh, if he's always like this, this school could be a real turnaround for us. And the nurse was very sweet, and now the nurse's office is set up to be a kind of safe haven for DS. If he gets upset, he's free to go there (just let the aide know). I've already suggested that he point to where he's going, if he can't tell her. I hope he remembers that. But at least he knows he's got somewhere to go. And the aide, bless her heart, had the handbook I made in her hand.
I've made that handbook before. It's all kinds of info that I thought would help anyone working with DS. It talks about who he is, what he's normally like, how to deal with a meltdown, info about autism, etc. When I made the book before, no one read it. At least now, someone is actually looking at the information! Another improvement over the last school. I hope it helps.
So yesterday I walked out of the school feeling an enormous sense of relief. At least for this time. I want so badly to hope that things will always go this well. If they did, I could almost hope that the melts would fade away into a memory someday. Today, anyway, that actually seems like a possibility. I want to hope again, but so many bad experiences prevent me from jumping into that. It's early yet. And the melt wasn't severe. Who knows how the next one will go.
But it was a good start. DS had a melt without restraint. And they tried to work with him to feel more comfortable and at ease. The VP was downright COMPASSIONATE! Wow, what an improvement! Maybe this will help DS feel more comfortable here. The more comfortable and confident he feels with his school, the less likely a melt, and the less severe if it does happen.
I'd like to say I'm cautiously optimistic, but to be honest, I'm not really there yet. There's a flicker of hope going on in my heart, but it's so early. I can't really have faith in that yet. So I try to turn over my fear, and put it in God's hands, and just hope for the best. (I'm not good at that yet, either. I still fight an overwhelming sense of panic when I think about him being at school. But I'm trying to put my fear in God's hands. I'm trying.)
As reality settles in, I know this may all be just a honeymoon period. The aggression could resurface. The restraint could come back. The garbage could all be just around the corner. I know that. But at least I do know they have the potential to be good with DS. That's more than I believed last week. Sigh. Time will tell. But for today, at least, I'm smiling. :)
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