In The Dark

MIL is resting. Really deep sleep. If you wake her up, she is confused, and thinks it's 1960, and that she's at home. No one knows for sure whether this is bad or not. The doc suspects that she is just so deeply asleep, that she's not fully waking up. I hope he's right.

They see no signs of neurological damage so far. That's good. We aren't certain yet that this is off the table. They are running more tests today, and I guess that will tell us more. They didn't want to run all the tests yesterday because they wanted her to rest.

We're told that she will probably be on the ventilator at least a week. It will take about three days for her to get some really good rest, without fighting for breath. After that, it sounds like they want to wean her off the ventilator, so that she'll be able to transition to breathing on her own.

Again, I have to wonder why all the vitals seem to be doing pretty well, and everything else seems to be going to hell in a handbucket. The infection seems to be under control, because the white cell count is in the normal range. The kidneys seem to be doing reasonably well, not perfect, but not bad enough to require dialysis or anything significant. Blood sugar, blood pressure, pulse, all in the normal range. (I don't know much about the c. diff., so I don't know if that's under control or not, though I suspect the white cell count would be high if it were not under control...?) Even her spirits were better.

So why does everything still seem to be getting worse? Is it just that her body is giving out? At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if she'll be able to ever go home again. I can't imagine, even if she makes it, that she would be able to return to an independent life. I would be surprised if she didn't end up in a nursing home, or something like that, for the rest of her life. If she can pull through, that is.

I hope I'm mistaken. I don't have a lot of experience with any of this. My expectations are merely guesses, based on what I'm seeing in the throws of an illness.

The family is all coming back again. Some had left for a few days to deal with their home issues. Now they are all coming back in full force.

I'm worn out. Dh is sick. He's so run down, I don't know how he keeps on his feet. He slept in this morning (to 9, if you can call that sleeping in - but it's better than 5 am). Ds is a happy camper after Halloween. It does my heart good to see him happy. And I'm relieved that his school project is behind us for now. I hate worrying about that and dealing with all the medical issues and a holiday and work, all at the same time. It's just too much.

I wish we had some solid answers. I guess there just aren't any.