Fading Away

I got a heartbreaking phonecall today. Dh called me at work, and told me "they don't think she's going to make it."

I've spent all day at the hospital. We're all devastated. The nurses say they've seen this before. She's just fading away.

Her numbers are okay. Her white cell count has returned to normal. Her kidneys seem to be functioning okay - the number isn't below one like they'd prefer, but it's still well lower than it was, still below two, and seems to be functioning reasonably well. Blood pressure is good. Blood sugar is good.

But she's worse. Much worse. She's not really moving at all anymore. Her coloring is bad. Her voice wouldn't qualify as a whisper. Her breathing is very labored. They may put her on a respirator.

The doctors say she is just so weak from fighting the infection. Like her body is just giving up. She seems to be emotionally giving up, too. She asked me to get her youngest son back here. (He had gone back home, when we thought she was improving.)

BIL is on his way. So is nephew. Maybe more. They'll arrive in the middle of the night.

I'm reminded of other phone calls, long ago. Similar telephone conversations. The voiceless patient in the bed. The sterile equipment and people of the ICU unit. The helplessness. The same prayers. The same pain.

Part of me believes that she would make it if she would just have that will. At the moment, she doesn't have it. Will she get it back, before it's too late?