About Those X-Rays...

A lot has been going on here, over the past few weeks.

After we took my father-in-law (FIL) to the doctor, we got a phone call from the doctor's office. They x-rays they took of his lungs showed some unusual spots, and they wanted to do a cat-scan to see what was going on. That cat-scan shows cancer.

FIL is 85 years old, and diabetic. His blood sugar has been out of control for about 3 months now, but that's the least of the worries. They did further tests, and some test they ran for his prostate ran unusually high. Now they suspect the cancer started in his prostate, and spread from there to his lungs. Oh sh*t. And the nurse asked my MIL if they had any family in the area, any kids in town that can help them out. Hooboy, that doesn't sound good.

My mother died of cancer, many years ago. Back then, the treatments were no where near as good as they are now, and most cancers were likely to be death sentences. I learned more about cancer back then than I ever wanted to know. I know enough to know that cancer spreading is bad. Very bad. I doubt that has changed much since those days.

In addition to the pneumonia (which has been greatly improved), and the cancer, and the out of control blood sugar, his kidneys are beginning to falter. He's been on severe potassium restriction, and has been able to keep it at bay, but now that is questionable again. He's going to the doctor about his kidneys next week. He's also going to a pulmonologist next week. He's having blood tests run, too.

All this is running through my head like a bad dream. It really hasn't hit me full blast yet, and I still feel that numb, denial feeling. Like waking from a nightmare, when things just seem surreal.

I warn Dh to call his siblings, and keep them up to date, but he doesn't understand why I make a big deal out of that; my urgency. (The siblings call my MIL and FIL quite often). I warned him that you can't let news like that just sit and wait. They would be royally P'd off if we found out their father had cancer and didn't bother to shoot them a quick phonecall. Dh listens to me, and calls them, but I can tell that he thinks I'm over-reacting. Hm. If my brother knew something about my mom's cancer, and didn't call me, I know I'd be ticked! But I've been through all this before, and Dh hasn't. In fact, he's never lost anyone really close to him.

My mind can't help but play the 'what-if' game, either. What if my FIL gets very ill. What if the worst happens. My MIL can't care for him. She can barely walk. She also couldn't live on her own, if something should happen to FIL. I've tried to carefully bring this up to Dh, but I'm mostly just planting that seed of thought, and not really getting into a discussion about it. He needs to start looking forward. Things could start to progress very quickly here, and we may find ourselves dealing with a lot more than we are prepared for, if we don't start to plan.

I don't think Dh wants to consider any of these things yet. But I don't think time is going to be a friend to us. I hope he will start to toss these ideas around. And maybe start discussing it with his siblings, too. Thank goodness his brother is coming to town next week for a very brief visit. He's coming here on a business trip, and won't have much time, but at least he'll be here. Maybe we'll get a chance to chat a little.

I've had the strong impression that Dh's siblings don't really see their parents as getting on in years. I guess everyone wants to believe their folks will be around forever. They easily blow off family gatherings, and act as if there is all the time in the world. NONE of his siblings showed up for FIL's 85th birthday! I couldn't believe it! How many birthdays will there be? How many major birthdays? But I guess I over-react because it was on my father's 85th birthday that we all got together. We never got the chance to do that again. And I don't want Dh's siblings to kick themselves for blowing off any family parties, holidays, etc. I just want to shake them and shout, "HEY! This could be the last one!" (And I didn't even know about the pneumonia, or the cancer then). But in their defence, it is a nearly six hour drive for them. And the weather was bad. They were playing it safe. They are really good people. And again, I'm probably over-reacting. (I've lost both of my parents.) And I don't want them to have any regrets, you know? I'm not mad at them. I just wish I knew how to make them see that their parents aren't immortal. They might blink their eyes one day and their parents might be gone...

But I'm glad everyone was here for Christmas. If the worst-case scenario comes to be, they will be really glad they were here for that holiday. A holiday when everyone was happy and healthy and here. They'll be glad they came.

Well, enough dwelling on the what-ifs. I need to remind myself that my past is not the same as their present. Just because I've dealt with cancer before, doesn't mean that this will be the same kind of experience. And how I felt isn't the same as how they will feel. So time to take a step-at-a-time forward, and quit dwelling on my past.