Two meltdowns today. Two more instances of restraint. So far this semester, eight meltdowns, five restraints.
Nathan couldn't tell me what had happened. He had gone blank. According to the teacher and the principal, when they asked him to do work, he flipped out.
I was asked about his medication, if we've made any changes. I hadn't. I informed them that the doctors know all about what's going on at school, and they don't want to change anything at this time. I go back in a couple weeks for a follow up.
I was informed that the school doesn't believe he has sensory issues. They told me that he was outside, and they monitored him, without him knowing that they were watching. Some kids touched him when they were playing soccer or something, and Nathan was fine with it. So they don't believe he has sensory issues. (I guess the diagnosis of Sensory Modulation Disorder must be wrong then.) I opened my mouth to protest, and they rephrased it. They said they don't believe the problems he's having at school have anything to do with sensory issues or autism. (Does that mean they don't believe he has autism either? Interesting, considering they were the ones who first diagnosed him. Doctors have backed up this diagnosis, too. I guess they must be wrong as well.) Oh no, he MAY have autism, but this isn't what's the problem. Hm, do tell.
They believe Nathan is manipulating them. They also believe that the big problem is that his homelife is not structured, and school is. I again was about to protest when they tried to backpedal, and soften it, saying home is not AS structured as school, in the same way that home is not as structured as work. Oh yes, that is so much better. According to them, Nathan can't transition to school on Mondays because he can't switch from the unstructured and undisciplined home life to this rigid, structured school with high expectations.
I figured my voice was not going to be heard, and I just shut up. How do you explain to someone who has never lived with autism? How do you discuss structure with someone who has no clue what structure really means? Do you really think our household (let alone our sanity) could function without structure?
And this is when they brought up discipline. Heh heh. Yeah. Of course, all of Nathan's problems stem from the fact that we don't have the necessary discipline. (Translation: Nathan is just a spoiled rotten brat and just needs a good swift kick in the pants.)
"What Nathan needs...," (my favorite three words out of the mouth of a stranger), "is to have consequences for his actions."
I informed the teacher and the principal that Nathan's actions do indeed have consequences. He has had television and his video games taken away, and has to earn them back. We did that after his last major meltdown. (You can see, after two more meltdowns and two more restraints just how effective this is with him, but I digress. )
So after I've informed them that his actions do have consequences, I tell them that I don't know what else to do, to improve this situation at school, and to avoid meltdowns. They keep looking at me to fix this situation. I don't have these problems with him, so I don't know how to resolve this. I ask if they have any suggestions. Ah, yes they do. They tell me that "consistancy is the key," and that I must stick to the punishment.
I guess I come across as a real pushover, huh?
(Ironically, they later told me that they don't want me to completely eliminate ALL tv, because after all, there are some good educational programs on tv. So much for consistency, eh?)
I asked if the Autism Team gave them any suggestions. They told me they are doing everything the Autism Team suggested. (I wonder why I haven't been shown the report from the Autism Team? I still have no idea what the Autism Team told them.)
I was at the school for about two hours. They insisted that I stick around and observe him while he is in class. I'm not sure if that was because they were afraid he would melt down again? (Not with me there!) Or maybe they hoped with me there that he would participate...? I don't know what they wanted from that. But after two hours, all they could tell me is that they want me to discipline him, and to do so consistently.
They complained to me that Nathan is capable of doing the work. That he can and will crack down and throw himself into his studies. They think WE are shortchanging him by cutting down the amount of classwork he is given, and on the amount of homework he is expected to do. Hey, now wait a minute! I wanted a reasonable limit put on his homework, yes. I did NOT ask them to cut his homework in half. That was their idea. I got angry when they sent home 36 to 40 hours of homework a week! That's a little different! I wanted a reasonable limit, period. The Autism Team recommended reducing his homework to less than the other kids. I just didn't want to spend 40 hours a week at my job, then come home and spend 40 hours a week doing homework with my son! He couldn't handle it, and neither could I. I don't think that was unreasonable. Now they send home a worksheet, and tell him to do the even-numbered problems. I didn't request that, they did.
Again I got a lecture about how he needs to learn coping skills, and not freak out every time there is some kind of change in his life. You know, if it were that easy, they wouldn't call this a disability! They pointed out to me that he is halfway to becoming an adult, and needs to learn coping skills to function in this world. He has to learn to accept change and deal with transitions.
I'm so tired of all this. I'm tired of people throwing the blame on me because they don't know how to work with or motivate my son. I'm tired of being told he's not disciplined enough, when they have never even asked me about our discipline. I'm tired of them telling me his home life is not structured enough, when they have never inquired as to the structure in his life. I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't want to learn, when he enjoys learning with me. I'm tired of them butting into his medical issues, as if they are qualified to make judgement calls in this area. And I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't have sensory issues, or that he isn't autistic. Just because he looks NT, doesn't mean he is NT.
I've thought about trying another school. But what difference would that make? He's had different teachers, different principals, different paras. It all comes down to the same thing. Why should changing schools change anything? The only thing I know that has made a difference for him is when I quit my job and stayed home. I don't know why, but he did better in school then. I would do it again, but financially this is out of the question. We simply can't afford to live on one salary.
I don't know what to do. Nathan apparently turns into a completely different person at school. And I'm supposed to be able to resolve the issue, even though I've never seen this side of him. And it's all my fault because I lack the necessary discipline, and my life must not be structured.
Did you ever feel like you're the salt in the sugar bowl?
No comments:
Post a Comment