Yesterday was awful. Nathan had a meltdown. He hit a teacher and an aide, and was suspended today. The principal informed me that he is being suspended because the teacher feels "his behavior is not in the realm of his autism." They believe he was deliberate in his actions, and therefore was not influenced by his autism.
I have taken the first step to appeal.
Sorry for the short post, and the lack of detail. I've spent so much time on the computer doing research and contacting Easter Seals and going to the doctor, I'm just too exhausted and too frustrated to write much today. I'll try to post more this weekend.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Magic Almond
Ah, four glorious days without school! I can't tell you how lovely that was. No fear of restraint, no fear of the phone ringing, just bliss.
Nathan was with Grandma for Monday and Tuesday. He loves being at Grandma's, and has never had a melt there. Grandma and Grandpa are his peaceful haven. Therefore, they are mine as well! God bless them. I don't know how I would have survived this long without them. (I am unbelievably fortunate to have wonderful in-laws.)
Wednesday wasn't so great, at least in the morning. No full blown meltdowns, thank God. But he still struggled. But think about it. Wednesday was basically a "Monday" because it was his first day back after a long weekend. He made it through without exploding, and without being dragged out of class, and without being held down! That's definate improvement. Perhaps not perfect, but it's still an improvement.
The BEST news came late Wednesday afternoon! I received an email from the woman on the Autism Team that had been working with Nathan last year! She had been out on maternity leave, and has returned. YAHOOOOO!!! She was so good with Nathan, even after witnessing one of his meltdowns. She never seemed to hold any of his melt aggression against him, the way most people do. And she did so much to help him, and to improve his situation at school! She was one of my godsends last year. And she's BACK!!!
She told me that the Autism Team was observing my son again on Wednesday. FANTASTIC!! I've been hoping they would get more involved. I've given their reports from last year to Nathan's doctor, and the doctor was impressed with all of their ideas. His only recommendations was to elaborate on one or two points with the teacher, and expand on what the A Team had started. Not changing their ideas, but just explaining them better so the teachers will have more precise directions on how to implement what the ATeam suggested. It was very cool to have everyone in agreement - something we don't experience very often.
I had asked for copies of the A Team's report for this year, several times now, and have not gotten a copy of it. Very frustrating. The woman from the A Team simply asked for a fax number or my address. YAY! I'll be getting it, in time for the doctor appointment next week!
I explained some of what we've been going through lately, including the frequent restraint, the chair that they have in the principal's office (used to restrain my son) that has been nicknamed "Nathan's Chair," the teacher telling me that the only thing Nathan needs is consistent discipline, and the school's denial that he has sensory issues and that his autism is not the problem here. The woman from the A Team was very empathetic, and said they would work on educating the school staff, clarify certain aspects of the IEP, and (my favorite part) discuss the dangers of prone restraint. I could have cried, I was so happy to hear this.
Thursday and Frday were terrific as far as school is concerned. What a relief!
Nathan and I have a new solemn custom. The Magic Chocolate Covered Almond.
I have this, um, addiction. It's chocolate covered almonds. They are a passion of mine. I can't resist them. I had been out shopping with Dh and Nathan, and they were picking up little snacky treats for themselves. They like cashews, which are not my favorite nut, and stuff like that. I spotted a can of chocolate covered almonds. As I said, I can't resist these things, so I bought a tin. Nathan had seen me pull it out of the shopping bag when we got home, and immediately started begging for one. I reminded him that he had his own treats, and handed him his can of cashews. But he had fixated on my can of almonds, and repeatedly asked for one, with me selfishly defending my precious splurg, and saying "no."
Well, I really wanted to give Nathan every possible chance of having a good day on Thursday. Wednesday had been a little rough, and I didn't want it to continue over into Thursday. Plus, some kid had jumped Nathan in daycare the night before, hitting him, and he was still a bit sensitive about that. So I opened the can of almonds, making a big production out of the whole thing. I offered him "A Magic Chocolate Covered Almond. These almonds are so special, they have the power to turn any day into a good day." Nathan's eyes lit up like Christmas trees. He happily gobbled up his almond, and practically skipped off to school. That night, I got an email from his teacher, saying that he had had a great day. So I had to pull out the Magic Almonds again, to celebrate. Nathan was delighted. I repeated the ceremony on Friday morning, and got the same response. All hail the Magic Almond! heh heh heh
(Hey, if it puts him in a good mood, and helps him through his day, I'm all for it!) I think it's those little gestures that make a world of difference to him. After all, most of the day he is surrounded by adults and peers that think he is naughty, weird, a bad kid, and a pain in the neck. Sometimes just knowing that there is someone out there who thinks you're special, and deserving of magic almonds, even if it is silly, is just the thing you need to get you through the rough spots.
I'm heading out today to buy a case of Magic Almonds.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Bottles and Books
Wednesday had not been good. I forgot to send a new water bottle with Nathan to school (he threw his the day before, and it was nowhere to be found). Apparently Nathan fixated on the fact that his bottle was missing, and was extremely frustrated by it. (He likes to make a sugar-free lemonade or punch with a powder that I give him to pour into the bottle.) He was on the verge of a melt all day long, and kept telling the staff that they couldn't make him do what was expected of him.
Great.
I emailed the teacher back, and tried to explain that his obssession with the water bottle concerned me, because it sounded to me like he was very stressed. The water bottle should not have caused that kind of fixation. We have water and drink mixes all the time, and we run out from time to time, but he has never reacted like that before. That tells me that something else was going on, and the water bottle was not really the issue, but just a symptom of the real problem.
I tried to tell her that when he has a meltdown, it is rarely the preceeding incident that was truly the cause of the melt. Usually, whatever sets off the meltdown is really just "the straw that broke the camel's back." He might have had ten things happen to him that day, that all upset him, but none was enough to send him over the edge. But then the water bottle was missing and boom, he melts down. It wasn't one thing, it was many things. Having him fixate on the bottle would be a sign to me that something is very wrong, a red flag, as was his rude backtalk about not being able to get him to do what he was supposed to do. Nathan is NOT a rude child. He is one of the most polite kids you could ever meet. When he is rude, there is DEFINATELY something else going on. Red flags should have been waving all over the place. Instead, they just got angry that he was being defiant.
I tried to explain about the straw that broke the camel's back in the email, but the teacher wrote me back and said no, that they had determined that the water bottle is really what he is upset about.
With that kind of open-mindedness, I can see why they have meltdown after meltdown.
They have their own idea of what is going on with Nathan, and I don't know what I'm talking about. Hell, I've only lived with him, and his precise version of autism and sensory modulation disorder, for over nine years. Why would I know anything about this?
Somehow they managed to avoid a full blown meltdown, by talking to him, giving him breaks, and allowing monitored cooling down times. Thank goodness.
(If the whole thing had simply been an issue of a missing water bottle, why didn't they just give him a cup to make his lemonade, and solve the problem?)
They told me that Nathan wouldn't bring home a book he needed for homework. I asked if we should have a copy of his books at home. They said he needs to learn to take home what is necessary for his schoolwork. Okay.
I later found out that Nathan wasn't trying to be naughty when he wouldn't take the book. He felt that he didn't need to book to do the work. They had read the book in class, and he thought he knew the material well enough to answer the questions without it. He did the work he needed to do, without the book, answering the questions from memory. I thought he missed an assignment, but he didn't at all! He just made them mad because he didn't think he needed it. (If they gave him an assignment to do some very simple addition, and then suggested he take a calculator home to do it, he would have refused to take the calculator too. Why is this a bad thing?)
Then came Thursday.
Meltdown number nine, Restraint number six.
Nathan got to school on Thursday, and discovered that his para (his one-on-one aide) was out sick for the day. He had a substitute para. Recipe for disaster.
I received a phone call from the school nurse. The principal was not in, so they took him to the nurse's office. She called me, and I asked her to put Nathan on the phone. At the time, I could hear him growling and screaming in the background, and crashes, like he was throwing things. Hoo boy. If I didn't hear it for myself, I may never have believed it. He NEVER gets like this at home.
Once I got Nathan on the phone, I tried to talk to him. I didn't even know if he could hear me or not, or if he had thrown the phone, but I kept talking anyway. Finally I got him to answer me. He could only give yes or no answers at first. I kept telling him I needed him to calm down and relax, and I asked him to take deep breaths. To my surprise, he actually did! I could hear the deep breaths. I quickly realized I needed to tell him to exhale too, since he seemed to be breathing in, but I couldn't hear breathing out! But he did it, and quickly de-escalated. The only real sentence I got out of him was when he told me his para was absent. The nurse got on the phone again and told me she would give him about 5 minutes and then take him back to class. She also said she would have him apologize to her for hitting her. (yikes). I asked her to put him on the phone again, and told him to apologize. When she took the phone back again, I tried to tell her that I hoped the day would improve, but she hung up on me.
When dh went to pick Nathan up from daycare, they told him he had been upset there, too, but they handled it just fine. They have been doing SO well with him.
So then we come to Friday.
Nathan woke up happy, and ready to do schoolwork. I normally would see this as a good sign, but this is pretty much how he has gotten up all week, and that was certainly no promise of a good day.
I was extremely sick with some kind of stomach virus (or food poisoning?), and could not make it to work. I hoped to pick him up from school in the afternoon, if my rebellious tummy would cooperate.
I was so worried about him all day. This had been such a rough week, and I didn't think any of us could take much more. I went to school early, planning to observe if he was doing okay.
When I got to the school, I was buzzed into the principal's office. There, they told me that Nathan had a "FABULOUS DAY!" whooooohooooo!!!!
After getting the okay to go to his class to check on him, I slipped quietly into the back of the room and sat down on the counter across the back.
The para came up and told me that Nathan had been having a really good day. His teacher did the same. Nathan was sitting nicely, working well, and grinning from ear to ear when he realized I was there. The case manager saw me, when she was walking down the hall, and called me into her office. There she showed me a neat little book the Autism Team had created for Nathan. It was a social story, based on the "wellness chart" I created for him. (This was a chart that showed how he progressed from happy to meltdown, and what he could do to calm himself along the way.) It was basically the same information, but it was elaborated on, and put into book form. She offered to get me a copy, and I was delighted.
I had barely returned to his class when the Speech Therapist called me into the hallway. This woman is really wonderful with Nathan. She not only told me what a great day he was having, she also told me that she has seen Nathan make some significant progress lately! She said he was taking an interest in his schoolmates, and asking questions to learn more about them! How cool is THAT! She has helped him so much with his social skills. And she always makes a point of telling me something positive about Nathan. God bless that woman.
It was at that point I talked to the para, who was explaining how they were sending home some work that he missed during the week due to his meltdowns. I inquired about that book he refused to bring home, and asked what the reading assignment was that he missed. That's when she told me that it wasn't a reading assignment, it was just supposed to help him answer the questions on the handout. She went on to tell me that he must not have needed the book, because he told her he could answer the questions without it. I would have been really irritated by this, since they led me to believe he had refused to do his work, not that he refused to bring home a book that he didn't really need, but I was feeling too happy about his good day to let anything bug me.
No school for four days! YAHOO!
Great.
I emailed the teacher back, and tried to explain that his obssession with the water bottle concerned me, because it sounded to me like he was very stressed. The water bottle should not have caused that kind of fixation. We have water and drink mixes all the time, and we run out from time to time, but he has never reacted like that before. That tells me that something else was going on, and the water bottle was not really the issue, but just a symptom of the real problem.
I tried to tell her that when he has a meltdown, it is rarely the preceeding incident that was truly the cause of the melt. Usually, whatever sets off the meltdown is really just "the straw that broke the camel's back." He might have had ten things happen to him that day, that all upset him, but none was enough to send him over the edge. But then the water bottle was missing and boom, he melts down. It wasn't one thing, it was many things. Having him fixate on the bottle would be a sign to me that something is very wrong, a red flag, as was his rude backtalk about not being able to get him to do what he was supposed to do. Nathan is NOT a rude child. He is one of the most polite kids you could ever meet. When he is rude, there is DEFINATELY something else going on. Red flags should have been waving all over the place. Instead, they just got angry that he was being defiant.
I tried to explain about the straw that broke the camel's back in the email, but the teacher wrote me back and said no, that they had determined that the water bottle is really what he is upset about.
With that kind of open-mindedness, I can see why they have meltdown after meltdown.
They have their own idea of what is going on with Nathan, and I don't know what I'm talking about. Hell, I've only lived with him, and his precise version of autism and sensory modulation disorder, for over nine years. Why would I know anything about this?
Somehow they managed to avoid a full blown meltdown, by talking to him, giving him breaks, and allowing monitored cooling down times. Thank goodness.
(If the whole thing had simply been an issue of a missing water bottle, why didn't they just give him a cup to make his lemonade, and solve the problem?)
They told me that Nathan wouldn't bring home a book he needed for homework. I asked if we should have a copy of his books at home. They said he needs to learn to take home what is necessary for his schoolwork. Okay.
I later found out that Nathan wasn't trying to be naughty when he wouldn't take the book. He felt that he didn't need to book to do the work. They had read the book in class, and he thought he knew the material well enough to answer the questions without it. He did the work he needed to do, without the book, answering the questions from memory. I thought he missed an assignment, but he didn't at all! He just made them mad because he didn't think he needed it. (If they gave him an assignment to do some very simple addition, and then suggested he take a calculator home to do it, he would have refused to take the calculator too. Why is this a bad thing?)
Then came Thursday.
Meltdown number nine, Restraint number six.
Nathan got to school on Thursday, and discovered that his para (his one-on-one aide) was out sick for the day. He had a substitute para. Recipe for disaster.
I received a phone call from the school nurse. The principal was not in, so they took him to the nurse's office. She called me, and I asked her to put Nathan on the phone. At the time, I could hear him growling and screaming in the background, and crashes, like he was throwing things. Hoo boy. If I didn't hear it for myself, I may never have believed it. He NEVER gets like this at home.
Once I got Nathan on the phone, I tried to talk to him. I didn't even know if he could hear me or not, or if he had thrown the phone, but I kept talking anyway. Finally I got him to answer me. He could only give yes or no answers at first. I kept telling him I needed him to calm down and relax, and I asked him to take deep breaths. To my surprise, he actually did! I could hear the deep breaths. I quickly realized I needed to tell him to exhale too, since he seemed to be breathing in, but I couldn't hear breathing out! But he did it, and quickly de-escalated. The only real sentence I got out of him was when he told me his para was absent. The nurse got on the phone again and told me she would give him about 5 minutes and then take him back to class. She also said she would have him apologize to her for hitting her. (yikes). I asked her to put him on the phone again, and told him to apologize. When she took the phone back again, I tried to tell her that I hoped the day would improve, but she hung up on me.
When dh went to pick Nathan up from daycare, they told him he had been upset there, too, but they handled it just fine. They have been doing SO well with him.
So then we come to Friday.
Nathan woke up happy, and ready to do schoolwork. I normally would see this as a good sign, but this is pretty much how he has gotten up all week, and that was certainly no promise of a good day.
I was extremely sick with some kind of stomach virus (or food poisoning?), and could not make it to work. I hoped to pick him up from school in the afternoon, if my rebellious tummy would cooperate.
I was so worried about him all day. This had been such a rough week, and I didn't think any of us could take much more. I went to school early, planning to observe if he was doing okay.
When I got to the school, I was buzzed into the principal's office. There, they told me that Nathan had a "FABULOUS DAY!" whooooohooooo!!!!
After getting the okay to go to his class to check on him, I slipped quietly into the back of the room and sat down on the counter across the back.
The para came up and told me that Nathan had been having a really good day. His teacher did the same. Nathan was sitting nicely, working well, and grinning from ear to ear when he realized I was there. The case manager saw me, when she was walking down the hall, and called me into her office. There she showed me a neat little book the Autism Team had created for Nathan. It was a social story, based on the "wellness chart" I created for him. (This was a chart that showed how he progressed from happy to meltdown, and what he could do to calm himself along the way.) It was basically the same information, but it was elaborated on, and put into book form. She offered to get me a copy, and I was delighted.
I had barely returned to his class when the Speech Therapist called me into the hallway. This woman is really wonderful with Nathan. She not only told me what a great day he was having, she also told me that she has seen Nathan make some significant progress lately! She said he was taking an interest in his schoolmates, and asking questions to learn more about them! How cool is THAT! She has helped him so much with his social skills. And she always makes a point of telling me something positive about Nathan. God bless that woman.
It was at that point I talked to the para, who was explaining how they were sending home some work that he missed during the week due to his meltdowns. I inquired about that book he refused to bring home, and asked what the reading assignment was that he missed. That's when she told me that it wasn't a reading assignment, it was just supposed to help him answer the questions on the handout. She went on to tell me that he must not have needed the book, because he told her he could answer the questions without it. I would have been really irritated by this, since they led me to believe he had refused to do his work, not that he refused to bring home a book that he didn't really need, but I was feeling too happy about his good day to let anything bug me.
No school for four days! YAHOO!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
A Matter of Discipline
Two meltdowns today. Two more instances of restraint. So far this semester, eight meltdowns, five restraints.
Nathan couldn't tell me what had happened. He had gone blank. According to the teacher and the principal, when they asked him to do work, he flipped out.
I was asked about his medication, if we've made any changes. I hadn't. I informed them that the doctors know all about what's going on at school, and they don't want to change anything at this time. I go back in a couple weeks for a follow up.
I was informed that the school doesn't believe he has sensory issues. They told me that he was outside, and they monitored him, without him knowing that they were watching. Some kids touched him when they were playing soccer or something, and Nathan was fine with it. So they don't believe he has sensory issues. (I guess the diagnosis of Sensory Modulation Disorder must be wrong then.) I opened my mouth to protest, and they rephrased it. They said they don't believe the problems he's having at school have anything to do with sensory issues or autism. (Does that mean they don't believe he has autism either? Interesting, considering they were the ones who first diagnosed him. Doctors have backed up this diagnosis, too. I guess they must be wrong as well.) Oh no, he MAY have autism, but this isn't what's the problem. Hm, do tell.
They believe Nathan is manipulating them. They also believe that the big problem is that his homelife is not structured, and school is. I again was about to protest when they tried to backpedal, and soften it, saying home is not AS structured as school, in the same way that home is not as structured as work. Oh yes, that is so much better. According to them, Nathan can't transition to school on Mondays because he can't switch from the unstructured and undisciplined home life to this rigid, structured school with high expectations.
I figured my voice was not going to be heard, and I just shut up. How do you explain to someone who has never lived with autism? How do you discuss structure with someone who has no clue what structure really means? Do you really think our household (let alone our sanity) could function without structure?
And this is when they brought up discipline. Heh heh. Yeah. Of course, all of Nathan's problems stem from the fact that we don't have the necessary discipline. (Translation: Nathan is just a spoiled rotten brat and just needs a good swift kick in the pants.)
"What Nathan needs...," (my favorite three words out of the mouth of a stranger), "is to have consequences for his actions."
I informed the teacher and the principal that Nathan's actions do indeed have consequences. He has had television and his video games taken away, and has to earn them back. We did that after his last major meltdown. (You can see, after two more meltdowns and two more restraints just how effective this is with him, but I digress. )
So after I've informed them that his actions do have consequences, I tell them that I don't know what else to do, to improve this situation at school, and to avoid meltdowns. They keep looking at me to fix this situation. I don't have these problems with him, so I don't know how to resolve this. I ask if they have any suggestions. Ah, yes they do. They tell me that "consistancy is the key," and that I must stick to the punishment.
I guess I come across as a real pushover, huh?
(Ironically, they later told me that they don't want me to completely eliminate ALL tv, because after all, there are some good educational programs on tv. So much for consistency, eh?)
I asked if the Autism Team gave them any suggestions. They told me they are doing everything the Autism Team suggested. (I wonder why I haven't been shown the report from the Autism Team? I still have no idea what the Autism Team told them.)
I was at the school for about two hours. They insisted that I stick around and observe him while he is in class. I'm not sure if that was because they were afraid he would melt down again? (Not with me there!) Or maybe they hoped with me there that he would participate...? I don't know what they wanted from that. But after two hours, all they could tell me is that they want me to discipline him, and to do so consistently.
They complained to me that Nathan is capable of doing the work. That he can and will crack down and throw himself into his studies. They think WE are shortchanging him by cutting down the amount of classwork he is given, and on the amount of homework he is expected to do. Hey, now wait a minute! I wanted a reasonable limit put on his homework, yes. I did NOT ask them to cut his homework in half. That was their idea. I got angry when they sent home 36 to 40 hours of homework a week! That's a little different! I wanted a reasonable limit, period. The Autism Team recommended reducing his homework to less than the other kids. I just didn't want to spend 40 hours a week at my job, then come home and spend 40 hours a week doing homework with my son! He couldn't handle it, and neither could I. I don't think that was unreasonable. Now they send home a worksheet, and tell him to do the even-numbered problems. I didn't request that, they did.
Again I got a lecture about how he needs to learn coping skills, and not freak out every time there is some kind of change in his life. You know, if it were that easy, they wouldn't call this a disability! They pointed out to me that he is halfway to becoming an adult, and needs to learn coping skills to function in this world. He has to learn to accept change and deal with transitions.
I'm so tired of all this. I'm tired of people throwing the blame on me because they don't know how to work with or motivate my son. I'm tired of being told he's not disciplined enough, when they have never even asked me about our discipline. I'm tired of them telling me his home life is not structured enough, when they have never inquired as to the structure in his life. I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't want to learn, when he enjoys learning with me. I'm tired of them butting into his medical issues, as if they are qualified to make judgement calls in this area. And I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't have sensory issues, or that he isn't autistic. Just because he looks NT, doesn't mean he is NT.
I've thought about trying another school. But what difference would that make? He's had different teachers, different principals, different paras. It all comes down to the same thing. Why should changing schools change anything? The only thing I know that has made a difference for him is when I quit my job and stayed home. I don't know why, but he did better in school then. I would do it again, but financially this is out of the question. We simply can't afford to live on one salary.
I don't know what to do. Nathan apparently turns into a completely different person at school. And I'm supposed to be able to resolve the issue, even though I've never seen this side of him. And it's all my fault because I lack the necessary discipline, and my life must not be structured.
Did you ever feel like you're the salt in the sugar bowl?
Nathan couldn't tell me what had happened. He had gone blank. According to the teacher and the principal, when they asked him to do work, he flipped out.
I was asked about his medication, if we've made any changes. I hadn't. I informed them that the doctors know all about what's going on at school, and they don't want to change anything at this time. I go back in a couple weeks for a follow up.
I was informed that the school doesn't believe he has sensory issues. They told me that he was outside, and they monitored him, without him knowing that they were watching. Some kids touched him when they were playing soccer or something, and Nathan was fine with it. So they don't believe he has sensory issues. (I guess the diagnosis of Sensory Modulation Disorder must be wrong then.) I opened my mouth to protest, and they rephrased it. They said they don't believe the problems he's having at school have anything to do with sensory issues or autism. (Does that mean they don't believe he has autism either? Interesting, considering they were the ones who first diagnosed him. Doctors have backed up this diagnosis, too. I guess they must be wrong as well.) Oh no, he MAY have autism, but this isn't what's the problem. Hm, do tell.
They believe Nathan is manipulating them. They also believe that the big problem is that his homelife is not structured, and school is. I again was about to protest when they tried to backpedal, and soften it, saying home is not AS structured as school, in the same way that home is not as structured as work. Oh yes, that is so much better. According to them, Nathan can't transition to school on Mondays because he can't switch from the unstructured and undisciplined home life to this rigid, structured school with high expectations.
I figured my voice was not going to be heard, and I just shut up. How do you explain to someone who has never lived with autism? How do you discuss structure with someone who has no clue what structure really means? Do you really think our household (let alone our sanity) could function without structure?
And this is when they brought up discipline. Heh heh. Yeah. Of course, all of Nathan's problems stem from the fact that we don't have the necessary discipline. (Translation: Nathan is just a spoiled rotten brat and just needs a good swift kick in the pants.)
"What Nathan needs...," (my favorite three words out of the mouth of a stranger), "is to have consequences for his actions."
I informed the teacher and the principal that Nathan's actions do indeed have consequences. He has had television and his video games taken away, and has to earn them back. We did that after his last major meltdown. (You can see, after two more meltdowns and two more restraints just how effective this is with him, but I digress. )
So after I've informed them that his actions do have consequences, I tell them that I don't know what else to do, to improve this situation at school, and to avoid meltdowns. They keep looking at me to fix this situation. I don't have these problems with him, so I don't know how to resolve this. I ask if they have any suggestions. Ah, yes they do. They tell me that "consistancy is the key," and that I must stick to the punishment.
I guess I come across as a real pushover, huh?
(Ironically, they later told me that they don't want me to completely eliminate ALL tv, because after all, there are some good educational programs on tv. So much for consistency, eh?)
I asked if the Autism Team gave them any suggestions. They told me they are doing everything the Autism Team suggested. (I wonder why I haven't been shown the report from the Autism Team? I still have no idea what the Autism Team told them.)
I was at the school for about two hours. They insisted that I stick around and observe him while he is in class. I'm not sure if that was because they were afraid he would melt down again? (Not with me there!) Or maybe they hoped with me there that he would participate...? I don't know what they wanted from that. But after two hours, all they could tell me is that they want me to discipline him, and to do so consistently.
They complained to me that Nathan is capable of doing the work. That he can and will crack down and throw himself into his studies. They think WE are shortchanging him by cutting down the amount of classwork he is given, and on the amount of homework he is expected to do. Hey, now wait a minute! I wanted a reasonable limit put on his homework, yes. I did NOT ask them to cut his homework in half. That was their idea. I got angry when they sent home 36 to 40 hours of homework a week! That's a little different! I wanted a reasonable limit, period. The Autism Team recommended reducing his homework to less than the other kids. I just didn't want to spend 40 hours a week at my job, then come home and spend 40 hours a week doing homework with my son! He couldn't handle it, and neither could I. I don't think that was unreasonable. Now they send home a worksheet, and tell him to do the even-numbered problems. I didn't request that, they did.
Again I got a lecture about how he needs to learn coping skills, and not freak out every time there is some kind of change in his life. You know, if it were that easy, they wouldn't call this a disability! They pointed out to me that he is halfway to becoming an adult, and needs to learn coping skills to function in this world. He has to learn to accept change and deal with transitions.
I'm so tired of all this. I'm tired of people throwing the blame on me because they don't know how to work with or motivate my son. I'm tired of being told he's not disciplined enough, when they have never even asked me about our discipline. I'm tired of them telling me his home life is not structured enough, when they have never inquired as to the structure in his life. I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't want to learn, when he enjoys learning with me. I'm tired of them butting into his medical issues, as if they are qualified to make judgement calls in this area. And I'm tired of them telling me he doesn't have sensory issues, or that he isn't autistic. Just because he looks NT, doesn't mean he is NT.
I've thought about trying another school. But what difference would that make? He's had different teachers, different principals, different paras. It all comes down to the same thing. Why should changing schools change anything? The only thing I know that has made a difference for him is when I quit my job and stayed home. I don't know why, but he did better in school then. I would do it again, but financially this is out of the question. We simply can't afford to live on one salary.
I don't know what to do. Nathan apparently turns into a completely different person at school. And I'm supposed to be able to resolve the issue, even though I've never seen this side of him. And it's all my fault because I lack the necessary discipline, and my life must not be structured.
Did you ever feel like you're the salt in the sugar bowl?
I Hate Mondays
Nathan had another meltdown yesterday. Sounds like he never even made it to class. He got inside his locker, was growling, and wouldn't come out. When he finally came out, he came out swinging (his backpack). They dragged him off to the Principal's office (literally), and restrained him there.
In speaking with the principal, she said we must find a way to stop the Monday Meltdowns. I said that I thought this might have happened because they changed Nathan's seating arrangements. (Now, they didn't just switch things around and not tell him. He was well prepared for the change in advance, and they went to great pains to make sure Nathan was comfortable with it, and ended up sitting where he wanted to, and even put a boy at his table that is a friend of his. It should have gone smoothly, in theory.) But perhaps we didn't time the switch well. Mondays are always hard for him, and perhaps this was just a little too much to expect from him on a Monday...? Change is always difficult for him, plus the difficulty he has transitioning between home and school on Mondays, plus the early morning chaos that goes along with getting off the bus and the ringing of the bell and the push and shove of kids getting to class... Maybe it was too much for him to handle.
The principal responded that Nathan was just going to have to learn to deal with change. Change is a part of every day life, and he'll just have to cope with it.
I was thinking to myself, if he could "deal with change" he wouldn't have a disability, now would he? Sigh.
Later on, in talking to Nathan about why all this happened yesterday, he did tell me something interesting. He said that a boy was kicking him, after they got off the bus, while they were waiting to go into school.
Now this was interesting for a couple reasons. For one, no one told me anything about this, when they were talking about Nathan's 'unexplained' meltdown. They knew - he told his para (aide) about it. Seems to me, if he's getting picked on and kicked first thing in the morning, and immediately afterward crawls into a locker and won't come out, that this could be, um, significant. Don't ya think?
For two, what was he doing 'waiting to go into school'? According to his IEP, he is supposed to go into school 10 to 15 minutes early, to avoid the mad dash of kids going into class, to avoid the noise and the hustle bustle, to avoid the pushing and shoving. It's also supposed to give him time to adjust to being there, calmly, and help with the transition from home to school. He is supposed to meet with his para (aide) and go over his schedule, and be given the opportunity to ask any questions he might have about classwork or homework.
This apparently isn't being done.
(Doesn't anyone actually read the IEP anymore?)
In speaking with the principal, she said we must find a way to stop the Monday Meltdowns. I said that I thought this might have happened because they changed Nathan's seating arrangements. (Now, they didn't just switch things around and not tell him. He was well prepared for the change in advance, and they went to great pains to make sure Nathan was comfortable with it, and ended up sitting where he wanted to, and even put a boy at his table that is a friend of his. It should have gone smoothly, in theory.) But perhaps we didn't time the switch well. Mondays are always hard for him, and perhaps this was just a little too much to expect from him on a Monday...? Change is always difficult for him, plus the difficulty he has transitioning between home and school on Mondays, plus the early morning chaos that goes along with getting off the bus and the ringing of the bell and the push and shove of kids getting to class... Maybe it was too much for him to handle.
The principal responded that Nathan was just going to have to learn to deal with change. Change is a part of every day life, and he'll just have to cope with it.
I was thinking to myself, if he could "deal with change" he wouldn't have a disability, now would he? Sigh.
Later on, in talking to Nathan about why all this happened yesterday, he did tell me something interesting. He said that a boy was kicking him, after they got off the bus, while they were waiting to go into school.
Now this was interesting for a couple reasons. For one, no one told me anything about this, when they were talking about Nathan's 'unexplained' meltdown. They knew - he told his para (aide) about it. Seems to me, if he's getting picked on and kicked first thing in the morning, and immediately afterward crawls into a locker and won't come out, that this could be, um, significant. Don't ya think?
For two, what was he doing 'waiting to go into school'? According to his IEP, he is supposed to go into school 10 to 15 minutes early, to avoid the mad dash of kids going into class, to avoid the noise and the hustle bustle, to avoid the pushing and shoving. It's also supposed to give him time to adjust to being there, calmly, and help with the transition from home to school. He is supposed to meet with his para (aide) and go over his schedule, and be given the opportunity to ask any questions he might have about classwork or homework.
This apparently isn't being done.
(Doesn't anyone actually read the IEP anymore?)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)