Improving

The school situation has been gradually improving. No restraints since the last time I posted, so that's fabulous news.

Nathan has had some difficulties getting into the school year. He seems to struggle with wanting to go home. I've tried to make it clear that this is not an option. In fact, NOT going to school is illegal. He's backing off on that now.

At school he has been pulling some new behaviors out. He has taken to sneaking out of the classroom, and crawing into his locker to hide. He says he wants to "disappear" for a little while. The teacher and para are working with him to give him breaks, so he doesn't have to climb into a locker, but he seems to prefer the small confined spaces. So now they are hunting to find some kind of appropriate alternative. I know in the sensory room Nathan used to crawl into a padded tunnel kind of thing, and I suppose this filled that need for small confined spaces. The only problem is that once he gets to the sensory room, he doesn't want to leave - he treats it like a playground. It will be interesting to see what the school suggests. His teacher seems to be working very hard to accomodate his needs; even the confusing ones.

In Honor of Bastian

Change Is Needed

This is not where I live now; I grew up in this area. I don't live all that far from there now. This article just depresses me. We need new laws in this state, to protect our children.


Ill. (STNG) -- A junior high school special education teacher was
charged Friday with abusing students -- including pushing them and
tying one to a chair -- in northwest suburban Schaumburg.

Patrick Edward McCarthy, 30, of 712 Longview Ave. in Palatine, was
immediately removed from his duties in the classroom as special
education teacher at Robert Frost Jr. High School, according to a
release from Schaumburg police.

He was arrested early Friday and charged with three felony counts of
aggravated battery and one felony count of unlawful restraint,
according to the release.

McCarthy was being held at the Schaumburg Police Department until a
bond hearing later Friday at the Rolling Meadows Courthouse.

McCarthy is alleged to have, on four separate occasions this school
year, pushed a student into a wall, pushed a student into a filing
cabinet, forced a student onto a piece of gym equipment and tied a
student to a chair, the release said. Three students have been
identified as victims.

On Sept.18, staff members at the school advised the principal of the
allegations. The principal contacted the Illinois Department of
Children and Family Services and Schaumburg police, and Schaumburg
Township Elementary School District 54 immediately removed McCarthy
from the classroom, the release said.

Just In Case

There is a rumor that Yahoo 360 might be shutting down...? I don't know any details, if that's a temporary thing or permanent, or if it's simply not true, but just in case it IS true, you can find me at the following locations:

Live Journal: http://twin3rd.livejournal.com/

MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/twin3rd

Y! Mash: http://mash.yahoo.com/twin3rd@ameritech.net

(They are more or less copies of my 360 page)

I don't want to lose touch with anyone!

Joni (aka twin3rd)

Good Days

I received a bunch of emails from the school this week.

First, I received a return email from Nathan's case manager. I had received a previous email, telling me that Nathan had had a meltdown, but no real details. Nathan could give me no details at all about the incident. So I requested more details. Turns out, the case manager's account was far different from Nathan's recollections. She indicated that he had been throwing things at people. They were not large or dangerous, but still very inappropriate. Nathan didn't recall throwing anything at all! He didn't seem to be lying, but rather, he seemed to be clueless about why anyone would think he was mad! I'm not sure which is worse. He did not recall being angry, or having any kind of tantrum-like behavior. Okay, so maybe he was frustrated. But still, he usually understands that aggressive acts (such as throwing things) are basically equated with anger. It concerns me that he didn't seem to make the connection. I don't suspect the case manager's account at all. In fact, her descriptions of the events made sense, where Nathan's didn't. It was not a full blown meltdown. At least there was no restraint. None this week at all. And, with the added details from the case manager, I now have something else to watch out for or be aware of. This differing perception has the potential to be of major importance.

Next I heard from the school principal. She sent me a written notification about Nathan's August 29th restraint! A first! Okay, so she didn't send the second notification yet, for the September 5th incident, but I did request it. She asked when she can call me to discuss Nathan's work. I told her she can call me at any time, and gave her my contact info. She said that they really want Nathan to have a successful year. Yes, me too!

I heard from the new supervisor of special ed for his school. I had written her and asked how to get ahold of the Autism Team. She first wrote and told me that she had seen the list, and my son was on it, but she didn't know when the A Team was coming. Later she wrote back and told me they hoped to stop by on Friday. Excellent news!

I received emails from Nathan's teacher. She said Nathan had good days, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!! YAHOO!! She also told me she is beginning to see a pattern in his behavior, where he has meltdowns on Monday and Tuesday, and "the rest of the week is enjoyable." Wow, a teacher just referred to my son as enjoyable! And she's noticing patterns in his behavior! And she's working on building his trust, and encouraging his communication! Good news, good news, good news!! She has been in daily contact with us since the start of school. I didn't think they made teachers like this. I'm starting to see some real hope here!!

I also received an email from the teacher regarding the Autism Team. They not only came on Friday, but they did Autism Sensitivity Training for the class. They met with the teacher and the para (aide). They did an evaluation, praising some of their actions, and having suggestions for improvement. They are also looking into the teacher's observations about Nathan's pattern of having difficulties on Monday and Tuesday, and will brainstorm about ways to ease his transition between weekends and the school week. I asked her to forward the A Team's report to me when they gave it to her. I was really disappointed that I couldn't be there to see the sensitivity training, and what it consisted of. Nathan wasn't in the room either. He was with the speech therapist. Oh well. I'm thrilled they did it, and that they are helping the teacher and para. That's a big relief. I'm hoping this helps to reduce the number of meltdowns. (Hey, I can hope, can't I?)

The teacher is also using a visual timer now. Oh, that's good! Nathan responds very well to visual representations of time. He loves knowing how much time is left, and he mentally prepares himself for the transition when he can see the time coming to a close. We have an hourglass egg timer at home (it's about 3 minutes), and it has been the best thing we ever bought. Any time he whines when I try to get him to stop one thing and do another, I can flip that timer, and tell him, "okay, a few more minutes," and when that timer runs down, he's ready to go. It's like a magic wand to me, lol. And far easier than a meltdown, or an hour of foot-dragging. I hope the teacher finds her timer to be just as useful.

So the week was off to a very rocky start. But in the end, it really turned around! I really like this teacher, and every time I talk to her, she seems to be working so hard to help Nathan, and so willing to listen, and very good about telling us everything. She seems to be very perceptive, and discovered early on how important it is to Nathan to have someone really take the time to listen to him. No teacher has ever figured that out before, even after I've tried to explain it. So Nathan is trusting her more, and starting to lose some of his defensiveness about the school. He actually LIKES school now! He said it's "WAY better than last year!" Oh thank God!

It has gone wonderfully so far, with Nathan taking the bus. And since he looks forward to school, he is getting up easily, getting ready with more independence, and is usually out the door with plenty of time to spare! I've never had this before! I LIKE THIS!!! Last year, my company allowed me to change my work schedule and come in 15 minutes late every day, and make up for it with a 45 minute lunch "hour." It was very nice of them, and I appreciated it. And I have been so delighted that I don't have to do this anymore!! I arrive at work EARLY now! I love it! And so far, I haven't missed any work due to meltdowns. Also excellent news.

I am feeling hopeful again.

Two Meltdowns

Two meltdowns today.

I received a phone call today from the nurse. She said Nathan was okay, no meltdowns or anything, but he was complaining that his knee hurt after gym. They gave him Tylenol and sent him back to class.

A few hours later, I got an email from the case manager, telling me Nathan had a meltdown this morning. (I guess the nurse didn't know about it.) There weren't any details at all about what preceeded the melt, what caused it, how it was handled. It doesn't sound like it lasted too long. No mention of restraining him, but that doesn't mean they didn't. I was told he complained of being hungry, thirsty and tired.

Yeah, I'm tired too.

Nathan told me he also got mad at the end of the day, when they didn't give him the promised reward of coloring. My guess is that he didn't earn the reward. Not if he had a meltdown earlier. I don't know that for certain, but it makes sense. The school didn't tell me about that one.

This is getting so depressing.

Chest Pains Again

I got a call from the school's social worker. She informed me that Nathan had been in the office, and that he was complaining of pain, right in the center of his chest. I assured her that this has happened before, and that he was treated for reflux, and that we've been instructed to use Children's Maalox as needed for this. Because we haven't had any occurences in weeks, I didn't think to send Maalox to school. I suggested giving him a Tums.

Then she asked me what meds he was on, what doctor I was taking him to, where the doctor was located...

Geez. I wish these people would just lay off playing doctor. I just told her that everything was kind of "up in the air" right now, that we were taking him to a doctor, and this doctor was evaluating the situation and what he wanted to do about meds. I didn't want to go into any details. I don't understand why they need or want all these details.

Why do they feel qualified to give input about medications? Are they trying to exert more power? Don't they think I'm trying to help my son? Do they get the impression that I'm a parent who doesn't give a hoot? Do they think I don't care about what goes on at school? Do they think I'm clueless? Do they feel that they know better than I do, what is best for my son?

Friday Melt

Friday was a mix of good and bad.

First the bad. Nathan melted down again. He complained all day about how he wanted to go home, didn't want to do the work. Somewhere along the line, he blew up, and began tossing chairs again.

The good news is, this time they were able to talk him out of the room! They didn't have to drag him out, he left on his own. They were also able to calm him down once he was out. NO RESTRAINT!! YAY!

Maybe if they can continue to avoid the restraint, he might be a little more willing to be in school.

It sure would be nice not to be afraid for his safety every frigging minute.

Restrained Again

Nathan was restrained today. Again.


He was in art class, and everything was fine. Then they returned to his regular room. The teacher has no idea why, but Nathan just went off.


He began throwing things around, and tipping over chairs. The chairs were falling at the teacher’s and para’s feet. He was getting close in proximity to the other kids in the class, and the teacher feared he might be getting too close. So rather than empty the room, the teacher and para decided to use their CPI training and remove him from the classroom. (From what I understand, CPI doesn’t advocate using restraint when there is another option, only as a last resort. This doesn’t sound like a last resort to me.) They brought him to the principal’s office again, where they restrained him in her chair, again. They now refer to it as Nathan’s “cool down chair.”


I was not called when all this happened. Later, when Nathan went back to class, he was not participating. They questioned him about why, and he told them he had a bad headache. So they sent him to the nurse’s office. The teacher now thinks it was possible that he had the headache to begin with, and that this is what started the meltdown, though they didn’t realize that until later. She also suspected that the room was hotter than the art room - it was very hot today, and the school is not air conditioned.


I had put on a form at registration time that I wanted to be informed of any meds they give him, so they called me to get the okay to give him kids’ Tylenol. They mentioned that he had had a “difficult morning.” I asked them straight out if he had been restrained again. “Only about five minutes or so.” (Geez, why do I have to ask them directly before they tell me he was restrained??)


He’s only been in school a little over a week, and he’s been restrained twice!


On Tuesday, I sent a letter along with Nathan for the principal, asking how I would receive the notification about Nathan’s restraint, if it would be mailed or emailed to me. I haven’t heard anything back yet.


I've also never heard from the new special ed supervisor, or the OT supervisor, even though they have both been forwarded questions that I asked about the medical release.


I am so frustrated and depressed about all this restraint. Afraid, too. I am losing all hope that he has any chance of having any success in this school.

Week One

Well, it's been an exhausting week.

Day 1. Monday was the first day of school. It was only for about 2-1/2 hours. Nathan rode the bus for the first time in nearly a year. I created a business card for him, to give to the bus driver. It said his name, and under that it said "I have autism." Then it listed things like "Loud noises bother me. I have ear plugs to help." "I am hypersensitive to touch. Please don't touch me." I also asked for advance notice if there are any changes, such as a change of seating arrangements, and asked for a note to be sent home. It ended with "your patience and understanding are appreciated." Then I put "Mom's Cell" phone number up in the corner, just in case.

Nathan got such a kick out of this card! He was happy to be able to give it to the bus driver. Dh saw it, and he thought it was neat, and asked for a copy to put in his wallet. So then I created a similar card that wasn't quite so specific for riding a bus.

The bus ride went well all week, as did the wait on the bus stop (a place of prior problems and worries).

Then I got my first call from the school. It was the physcial therapist, telling me she must have my signature on the medical release form. She said she needed it to get a prescription for evaluation and therapy. I told her I got a prescription already, and sent it to her office. She said I still have to sign it. It's state law. (What?!) I told her my doctors told me not to sign it. She said that it has to be signed, because it gives her permission to talk to Nathan's doctors about his therapy. Then she tells me they rarely, if ever, have to do that! So why am I required to sign it? She told me she can't work with my son until I do. Oh great.

Day 2. I emailed the Supervisor of Special Ed that worked with us last year. I loved this guy. As soon as he got involved last year, things really improved for my son. I was heartbroken when he wrote back and broke the news that he is no longer the Supervisor of Special Ed for my son's school. He forwarded my email to the new Supervisor, and to the director of therapy.

Nathan had a great day a school.

Day 3. We started a new med. A couple hours later, dh had called me, telling me he heard from the principal, and Nathan had had a meltdown. I quickly called the doc. No sooner had I gotten off the phone, when the principal called me.

She asked if anything was different, since Nathan had such a good couple of days, and now blew up. I told her he was on a new med. I told her I had already called the doctor's office to inform him of the meltdown. She asked what kind of med he was on. My red flags all went up. I'm sitting there thinking that Nathan can't be in school for more than a day and a half, without someone asking what meds he was on. I told her that I couldn't remember the name of the drug because it was new, and I had never heard it before, but I assured her that I had a call into the doctor's office, and I have informed them of what was happening, and that he was supposed to call me back. The principal said she would call me back later in the day, to let me know how Nathan was doing.

The principal called back after lunch, and told me that Nathan had settled down, but then he started getting fussy again later in the day. She then asked if I had talked to the doctor yet, and what he said. I explained that I hadn't heard back from him yet. She expressed concern that Nathan's med had been at fault for his meltdown. We talked about the incident, and I started to ask more specific questions about what happened, and how it was handled. She said something about how they put him in a chair, and kept him there for a while. Those figurative red flags were back again, only this time they were beating me over the head. I came right out and asked, "Was he restrained?" Yes, he was. But only in the chair, not with his arms crossed or anything. My heart hit the floor. The first week back at school, and already he was restrained.

Nathan had been working with the para, and she gave him a worksheet of ten questions that he was to answer. Nathan balked. He didn't want to answer them. So she suggested that he only answer three, and gave him a marker to mark which three he was to answer. (At the IEP meetings, we had warned them not to give Nathan the choice because he gets confused and frustrated. They were supposed to white out the questions or problems that he didn't have to work on, BEFORE they gave it to him.) Nathan got upset, and took the marker and marked all over the page, then all over the desk, then marked up the para, including her clothes. Sheesh, this was a new one. So they pulled him out of class, holding one of his arms, and with an arm around his back, and scooted him out to the hallway. In the hallway he became violent, taking punches at the teacher, para and principal. He was then brought to the principal's office, where he was placed in a chair. They held him in the chair until he settled down. (By the way, Nathan tells me at this point he managed to get out of the chair, so they restrained him again, this time with his arms crossed in front of his chest, with the para behind him holding his wrists. The principal did not tell me this, but Nathan couldn't remember if she was still in the room at that point.) He was released after he settled down, and he then curled up on the principal's floor and acted like he was going to sleep, so they let him stay there. (Nathan is unable to sleep in daylight, always has been, so I know it wasn't that he was going to sleep, but I didn't bother to challenge that observation.) They then allowed him to go with the Speech Therapist, who is good with him, rather than to go back to his class which was in the middle of art class. He doesn't like to come back in the middle of something and feel like he has to catch up. He returned to class after art.

The principal then did something that shocked me. She asked me, if I didn't mind her asking, why I would change his medication at this time, when he had been doing so well the first couple days? I replied that I didn't change his medication, I added it, because he always had such difficulty in school. He does fine with us, but he responds to school very differently then he does to home. He hadn't been on meds all summer. She encouraged me to discuss this with Nathan's doctor, and said that she wasn't qualified to give a medical opinion in this, but she hoped I would discuss with his doctor the possiblity that maybe Nathan would be better off without meds, especially since he had done so well the first couple days, and then did so poorly when we put him on them.

My jaw hit the floor. Did I just hear this correctly? Was someone from the school actually suggesting that we allow Nathan to attend school WITHOUT MEDS???? I thanked her for sharing her concerns, and told her I appreciated her input, and I would most certainly discuss this with his doctor.

Then I got yet another call from the school. This time it was the physical therapist again. She asked where it stood with the release form for therapy. I told her my doctors all recommended that I don't sign it, and I had contacted the old Supervisor of Special Ed regaring this, and that I was now aware that the old supervisor had been replaced, and that he was forwarding all of my information to the new supervisor, as well as the supervisor of OT. She said, "I don't know if you are aware of this, but I don't work for the school. I'm contracted out." What?!? No, I didn't know that. She explained that the school contracts out for therapy, and that the form she wants me to sign is not a school form, but a form from her company. Oh terrific. She gave me the name and number of her boss, and suggested that I talk to her.

It turns out that her boss is one of the people that the old supervisor had forwarded information to, so she is aware of the situation.

I came home to find an email from the case manager, asking if I can come in and meet with her to discuss Nathan's summer. Hm. This doesn't feel like a good thing. Especially when the email comes the day he had a meltdown. However, he did bring home a social story that she made, along with the Speech Therapist, and it was very cute. It used pictures of Nathan standing in front of the school, the new classroom, pictures of his teachers, etc. It was nicely made, too, with a spiral binding. Nathan got a HUGE kick out of it, and we've gone over it several times. Even though he is familiar with all the facts, it is comforting to him to go over this stuff.

At this point, I don't know what to do. Dh and I discussed the meds, and while it is so tempting to jump on the principal's suggestion to forgo all medication, we are also painfully aware of how difficult it is for Nathan at school. We decide to go with whatever the doctor suggests at this point, but it is nice, for once, to have the principal behind us if we decide to go without. My hope for the school year jumped up a big notch.

Day 4. (Yeah, this has only been four days.) While at lunch, a co-worker runs out to me in the lunchroom and tells me that Nathan's teacher called while I was out getting my food. My heart hits the floor. I called the teacher, anticipating more bad news. She suprises me with good news! An excellent day!! No problems, Nathan was happy and cheerful all day, and participated in class! YIPPEE!!

Day 5. Another excellent day!! Dh and I have been making a big deal out of his good behavior. The teacher volunteered to call either dh or I and tell us what kind of day Nathan had, for a week. Great! They do give him a small reward at the end of the day if he has had a good day. It's usually something small, like being able to read in another room for a few minutes, or a few minutes of precious computer time, or something like that. For some reason, Nathan spotted a candybar that his teacher had, and obsessed about it all day. He couldn't get it off his mind and kept talking about it. After he had such a good day, they allowed him the choice of eating the candybar as one of his reward choices, and he was tickled pink. The teacher asked him why he had obsessed about the candy all day, and Nathan told her it was because he never got candy at home. LOL!! We have candy at home, and he has free access to it, but he rarely eats it because he usually goes for apples or bread over candy. It's not like I restrict him. The poor teacher feared she had done something wrong by giving him candy, if his parents never give it to him. I assured her that she could give him anything she wanted (though he will NOT drink pop, never has). Maybe I'll send her a bag of candybars or something to use as rewards. She also shared some other funny stories, that gave me the impression she is enjoying have him as a student, and isn't ruffled by the challenges that have already presented themselves.

The teacher is really working on building Nathan's trust, and has already discovered things that have made a difference. Things that no other teacher has ever bothered to notice. I'm impressed! I'm also impressed with the effort she is putting forth. My hope for the school year has jumped up another big notch.

I'm hoping if we can continue the good days, and have a good solid week behind us, that this would be enormously helpful to Nathan. If he can see that things will be nice, and that he can handle it, then as his academics become more difficult he should be able to roll with it. He's very bright, and picks things up easily. The academics have never been the problem. Just the way the school deals with him. But if that is improving, I hope that he will feel more comfortable, and be more successful.

So that's our first week of school. Can I go crawl under a rock for the next nine months or so until it's all over?