We're On A Mission From God

It's funny, sometimes I look at my life and realize that everything I have ever gone through has been preparation for what I am dealing with now.

My husband looks at it exactly the same way.

I used to believe I was too emotional, that it was like a curse. I always seemed to be far too sensitive, feel things too deeply. There didn't seem to be any purpose behind this extreme side of my emotions, other than to cause me pain or frustration. I wondered why I was like this. I came from a huge family, and seemed to be the only one with this overblown emotional side. (My parents attributed it to the fact that I was female; assuming hormones were to blame). Why did God make me this way?

I was also ridiculously ticklish. Of course, once a schoolmate "zaps" you in the waist, or between the shoulderblades, then everyone delights in your misery. They can't wait to sneak up on you unaware, and see you jump, drop things, or scream. (That is, they did until I was zapped from behind one day at my locker, and I instinctively yanked my arms back to knock away the offending hands. I yanked back hard and fast, and in the process my elbow accidently struck my unsuspecting tormentor right in the groin. It was neither intentional or controllable - I just reflexibly tried to stop the hands. It did, however, stop all tickling from the male population at my school, instantly.)

When it came time for me to graduate from high school, my father insisted on choosing my major. He refused to allow me to accept a scholarship to the Fashion Academy in Chicago that I had won in a sewing contest. (I have a kind of gift, when it comes to crafts). In addition, he refused to allow me to follow my second choice, and pursue a career in engineering in California. (My grades could have gotten me in to any school I wanted. "Engineering wasn't a girl's field," he informed me. After all, a mere girl couldn't follow in his footsteps.)

I don't know, it goes on and on, with each step of my life leading me here. My point is, that my overwhelming emotions now help me to understand my son's perspective when his frustration overwhelms him. It's not the same thing of course, but it does help me to try to relate and understand on some level. My cursed ticklishness has helped me to understand a little about my son's reactions to sensory stimulation, and how the littlest thing, that doesn't bother anyone else, can bother him at an unbearable level. Again, it's not the same, but it does give me a little bit of insight to his reactions. And even my father's control had an interesting influence on my life. It shoved me into a school that had no electives that I enjoyed, so I sought out psychology, sociology, theology and literature courses for fun, all of which have helped prepare me for my romp through IEP hell, as well as offering a Jesuit background in psychology that has proven to be more effective than any school counselor at my son's school. Those child psychology classes are now proving to be a good training ground. And when I finally broke out of my father's unbearable grip on my education, I chose a major that has served me well, in so many ways.

There's so much more about my life that has prepared me for this moment in time, prepared me for a journey through parenting that few people seem to understand, or could offer assistance with. The emotions, the senses, the psychology and such are just the few that pop immediately to mind because they are the experiences in my life that I now call on for coping skills, as well as my major in Communications, which has helped me to intuitively teach my son better communication skills.

It was so scary to find out after my son's diagnosis, how crucial early intervention is, because he was eight years old when he was diagnosed last year. But on the other hand, many of the things that speech therapist do to improve communication skills were things I did automatically, not knowing how helpful that could be in his developement. We may have been late in starting out with professional therapies, but we weren't exactly starting from scratch, either. My son communicates extremely well. I'm no therapist, by any stretch, but I haven't done too badly for an amateur.

And my husband has been unbeliveably perceptive as well. The times that I can't seem to reach my son, my husband can, and vice versa. We make a really good team. He's had similar kinds of experieces in his life, that also make him feel like he was being trained exactly for this job of parenting our son.

Anyway, I'm really tired, and I'm probably not making much sense, so I better hit the hay. I guess I just feel very blessed, and incredibly lucky. There is a line from the Blues Brothers movie that says, "We're on a mission from God." That's how I feel. I feel like my whole life now makes sense. It seems like all the crap I dealt with as a kid, was preparation for me now. All the pain I endured in my college days reaped in huge benefits in the long run. So many things that seemed like missed opportunities were really better opportunities for what lay ahead. Everything happens for a reason.