He's Outta There

Yesterday another camper decided to punch Nathan in the stomach, because Nathan had flavored water instead of the plain kind.

(Last year, Nathan got so dehydrated that we ended up in the emergency room. He dislikes plain water, so he wouldn't drink anything all day at camp, and some days it got into the 90s. This year, to combat that, I sent him to camp with little sugar free flavorings to add to his water, in hopes that at least he'd drink something. The camp said it was fine.)

The other boy gave him a hard time, all day, hitting him at least a couple times.

Well, Nathan got so disgusted with the whole thing, he decided he'd had enough. He was going home.

He was halfway to the major highway before they discovered he'd left.

Now I have a couple issues with this.

1) Why was the other boy allowed to bully my son? They had seen the hitting and the bullying. It happened right in front of the camp counselors. It happened again when Dh showed up to pick him up. Nathan told me he had been hit and pushed and kicked earlier in the week by another boy as well.

2) Where was his aide? Where was the group leader? How on Earth did a kid wander away from the camp, down a long road, with no one noticing it?

Dear Parent

From my son's school:

Dear Parent:

Enclosed find Therapy Department Release of/Request for Information Form. The form needs to be completed and signed by you so that reports written by your child's therapist can be shared with your physician. Also, this form will enable the Therapy Department to send for a medical referral from your physician requesting therapy for the next school year.

Therapy services cannot be initiated until the completed form is received by our office. Please complete and sign the relase and return it in the envelope provided for your convenience. Your assistance is appreciated.

Sincerely,

Therapy Programs Coordinator

Enclosed with that letter was a release form, that is to give the school permission to "obtain medical referrals for therapy, records, reports and verbal information, regarding the therapy program of ..."

I showed it to my son's doctor's office, and they said it gives the school complete access to all of his medical records. They did NOT recommend that I sign it. Neither did his behavior psychologist. I was informed, by both doctors' offices (ped & psychologist), that the only thing the school needs is a script for evaluation and therapy, which his ped gave me.

So why is the school telling me that they won't provide services unless I sign it?

Why do they need full access to his medical records and information?

The school has already demonstrated to me that they will not hesitate to threaten me with expulsion if I do not give my son the medications they believe he needs. The school has also already demonstrated that they will not hesitate to threaten me with putting my son into a confined classroom unless he is medicated more heavily. They have also demonstrated that they will stoop to lying and manipulating to get the information they want regarding my son's medications, and that they will stoop to lying and manipulating to try to get his medications increased.

And now they want me to trust them with full disclosure of my son's medical records?

Chest Pains

Nathan had tried a new medication at the end of the school year. It was an autism drug, but it was also a blood pressure medication. It really helped him a lot, to calm down and stay focused, and there were very few meltdowns. It seemed to have few bad effects on his behavior or personality, but it seemed to have two apparent side effects that frightened us. One was headaches. They weren't as bad or as frequent as when he was on the ADD medication. And it's possible the headaches were simply caused by overstimulation, and not the meds. He does seem to get them whether he is on the meds or not (though they were much worse and more frequent on the ADD meds). The other side effect had us scared half to death. He complained of chest pains. (The med is a blood pressure med, with the possibility of lowering his blood pressure too much.) Frightened, I called the doc and he was taken off all meds.

But then his behavior started to worsen. He was losing control at daycamp. He wasn't aggressive, thank goodness, but he was certainly out of control: silly, wild, almost drunk on overstimulation. Dh and I knew this would never fly at school. (Camp was definately struggling with his behavior, and they have far more patience with him than the school does. If he behaved like this at school, he'd be dragged out of the classroom, restrained, and sent home. ) But then we started to notice something else...

He was still getting the headaches. And the chest pains.

A month later, and he is still complaining about chest pains. Now I know this couldn't still be from the meds. Dh and I started to wonder if the chest pains were really chest pains at all. What if they were indigestion, or something of that nature? (I have an ulcer in my esophogus, as does my brother. My mother used to have a hiatal hernia, with terrible heartburn. It certainly runs in my side of the family.) We noticed that every time Nathan had complained about chest pains, it was right after eating. It was never after any kind of physical exertion or anything like that. And like I said earlier, he does get headaches when overstimulated, so they might not have been related to the drugs.

We called the psychiatrist, who gave him the meds, and asked if we should start him back on the other pills again, but this time monitor him very closely with a blood pressure machine, designed for kids. Being the cautious doc that he is, he wanted Nathan checked out first. I like that. I took him back to his pediatrician. While we still had a concern about the chest pains, we both had a pretty good idea what the real culprit behind the chest pains was.

I picked up Nathan from camp, and the camp counselor told me he had another good week! He had some struggles at times, but used a break, and he coped just fine. Yay! He even did well on this week's field trip. It was definately good news. I knew it was hard for Nathan, and much harder for the camp, but it was all working out.

(Too bad I can't take these people to the school, and have them show the IEP Team how to work with my son.)

We headed off to the doc. Sure enough, the doc said Nathan had reflux. He prescribed meds for that, wanting to wait and see the results of the meds were, before considering any other types of meds. Fine with me. And having serval weeks where Nathan is able to function successfully in a highly stimulating environment, completely without the aid of behavior influencing medications, will give me some ammo to use against the school when they tell me his isn't capable of dealing with the overstimulating environment of the school.

I don't know if meds will be the way to go. They may make it easier for him to learn, if they can help him control his impulsiveness without any major side effects, and without doing damage to his health in any other way. But I don't know if we would even be able to find that right combination. What if he is just too sensitive to meds, to give anything? And I sure as hell don't want to hurt his health, just to make the school happy.

I was hoping he would be able to deal with the huge group of kids at camp, and all their activity. But that's not going to be as easy as I hoped. I see him struggle, and I want so badly to help him, but I don't know the right way yet. I would consider meds, if they didn't effect him negatively, or downright hurt him. So far, we haven't found that yet. Poor little guy.

And I'm so proud of him! Without meds, he hasn't had any major meltdowns. He's trying to self regulate, and he's being cooperative when the staff steps in and encourages him to take a break (if Nathan's self regulation isn't enough). I imagine the staff is stepping in a lot, and is truly more responsisble for his success than Nathan's self control, but at least he's not resisting them as he has in the past. He's not spinning wildly out of control, to the point of nuclear meltdown. This is certainly better than last semester. He's trying to control himself! That's so wonderful!

I just wish everyday life didn't have to be such a struggle for him.

We're On A Mission From God

It's funny, sometimes I look at my life and realize that everything I have ever gone through has been preparation for what I am dealing with now.

My husband looks at it exactly the same way.

I used to believe I was too emotional, that it was like a curse. I always seemed to be far too sensitive, feel things too deeply. There didn't seem to be any purpose behind this extreme side of my emotions, other than to cause me pain or frustration. I wondered why I was like this. I came from a huge family, and seemed to be the only one with this overblown emotional side. (My parents attributed it to the fact that I was female; assuming hormones were to blame). Why did God make me this way?

I was also ridiculously ticklish. Of course, once a schoolmate "zaps" you in the waist, or between the shoulderblades, then everyone delights in your misery. They can't wait to sneak up on you unaware, and see you jump, drop things, or scream. (That is, they did until I was zapped from behind one day at my locker, and I instinctively yanked my arms back to knock away the offending hands. I yanked back hard and fast, and in the process my elbow accidently struck my unsuspecting tormentor right in the groin. It was neither intentional or controllable - I just reflexibly tried to stop the hands. It did, however, stop all tickling from the male population at my school, instantly.)

When it came time for me to graduate from high school, my father insisted on choosing my major. He refused to allow me to accept a scholarship to the Fashion Academy in Chicago that I had won in a sewing contest. (I have a kind of gift, when it comes to crafts). In addition, he refused to allow me to follow my second choice, and pursue a career in engineering in California. (My grades could have gotten me in to any school I wanted. "Engineering wasn't a girl's field," he informed me. After all, a mere girl couldn't follow in his footsteps.)

I don't know, it goes on and on, with each step of my life leading me here. My point is, that my overwhelming emotions now help me to understand my son's perspective when his frustration overwhelms him. It's not the same thing of course, but it does help me to try to relate and understand on some level. My cursed ticklishness has helped me to understand a little about my son's reactions to sensory stimulation, and how the littlest thing, that doesn't bother anyone else, can bother him at an unbearable level. Again, it's not the same, but it does give me a little bit of insight to his reactions. And even my father's control had an interesting influence on my life. It shoved me into a school that had no electives that I enjoyed, so I sought out psychology, sociology, theology and literature courses for fun, all of which have helped prepare me for my romp through IEP hell, as well as offering a Jesuit background in psychology that has proven to be more effective than any school counselor at my son's school. Those child psychology classes are now proving to be a good training ground. And when I finally broke out of my father's unbearable grip on my education, I chose a major that has served me well, in so many ways.

There's so much more about my life that has prepared me for this moment in time, prepared me for a journey through parenting that few people seem to understand, or could offer assistance with. The emotions, the senses, the psychology and such are just the few that pop immediately to mind because they are the experiences in my life that I now call on for coping skills, as well as my major in Communications, which has helped me to intuitively teach my son better communication skills.

It was so scary to find out after my son's diagnosis, how crucial early intervention is, because he was eight years old when he was diagnosed last year. But on the other hand, many of the things that speech therapist do to improve communication skills were things I did automatically, not knowing how helpful that could be in his developement. We may have been late in starting out with professional therapies, but we weren't exactly starting from scratch, either. My son communicates extremely well. I'm no therapist, by any stretch, but I haven't done too badly for an amateur.

And my husband has been unbeliveably perceptive as well. The times that I can't seem to reach my son, my husband can, and vice versa. We make a really good team. He's had similar kinds of experieces in his life, that also make him feel like he was being trained exactly for this job of parenting our son.

Anyway, I'm really tired, and I'm probably not making much sense, so I better hit the hay. I guess I just feel very blessed, and incredibly lucky. There is a line from the Blues Brothers movie that says, "We're on a mission from God." That's how I feel. I feel like my whole life now makes sense. It seems like all the crap I dealt with as a kid, was preparation for me now. All the pain I endured in my college days reaped in huge benefits in the long run. So many things that seemed like missed opportunities were really better opportunities for what lay ahead. Everything happens for a reason.

My Happy Camper

After a few weeks off, my little guy is back at daycamp. I got a phone call this week, saying that they were having trouble getting Nathan to calm down. They wanted me to tell them how to settle him down. I wish I knew! He doesn't usually get THAT wound up at home. Sure, he gets a little rowdy sometimes, but we can usually calm him quickly and easily. But when he's at childcare or at school, it's another story. He practically climbs walls.

It had rained, so they crammed about 65 kids into one room. Not a good combination. They offered Nathan his earplugs, but he didn't want them. (I don't offer earplugs. I give them to him and say "Put these in."). He got so wound up, he wasn't going to come back down easily. He finally did get talked down, by his aide, who's really pretty good with him. After that, they said he was fine. No aggression. No tantrums. (Hey, I'll take rowdy over aggressive in a heartbeat.)

The following day, he had a field trip. He did very well on that!

And today seemed to be another relatively good day. At least no phone calls, no bad reviews of his behavior.

I'm relieved. I don't know if Nathan can maintain this for another couple weeks, but I have my fingers crossed. Geez, I wish I could take his aide to school. This college kid has more common sense than any teacher I've met at Nathan's school. And he does this with an unmedicated Nathan. Seems like if you just give my kid a break, he'll give you one as well. All he really needs is someone who can offer a good dose of patience, and he'll thrive.

Funny I should say that. I'm not known for being a patient person. I guess Nathan just keeps teaching me.

Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Teach Your Children

Waving the Flag

For Flag Day, Nathan was required to write an essay for school, about what the flag meant to him. The teacher then took all of the submissions to the local mall, and entered them in to the local essay contest for adults and children. Since the little guy wasn't so crazy about having to write an essay for school, I agreed to write an essay too, and enter it in the contest. It didn't win of course, but I thought I would post it now for a kind of 4th of July greeting.




What the American Flag Means to Me

I can look upon our nation’s flag, and see the intended meaning behind the colors and shapes used in its form. I can see the meaning in the stripes, representing the rays of the sun, and representing the original thirteen colonies. There are the stars, pointing toward Heaven, reminding us of the new constellation in the sky that was intended by the white stars on the blue field, one nation under God. It reminds us of the fact that we are a fledgling nation; new, young and unique. The colors themselves also have meaning. The red symbolizes valor and hardiness, and serves to remind us of the blood that was spilt, and the lives that were sacrificed, in order to win our independence, and to maintain our freedoms. The white is for innocence and purity, symbolic of the pure ideals in our Constitution, and the hope that this promises for our future. The blue symbolizes justice, vigilance and perseverance, and reminds us that we are strong and we are free, and we will prevail. The concept of the stars and stripes design was inspired by the Washington family coat of arms, which consisted of two red stripes over a white background with stars above it, and it continues to remind us of those initially responsible for our nation’s independence, and the army which originally fought for its existence.

There are all these implied meanings that went into the creation of the flag, and symbol of our land. Yet over time, the flag has grown in meaning. For most of us, the flag stands for freedom, and everything that the Constitution of the United States represents. It means we have the opportunity to reach our own potential.

The flag stands for this beautiful land, filled with mountains and rivers and lakes, prairies and deserts and glaciers. It represents our homes. It represents our way of life. It represents our people; the melting pot of races, religions, and ideals.

Our flag stands for every serviceman that has proudly served his country, and every person who has died defending it. It represents the colonists that gave birth to this dream, and the soldiers today that continue to defend its ideal. It means a country pulling together after 9/11, wearing flag colors, and displaying them on their homes and automobiles. It demonstrated our unity, our dignity, and our ability to pull together. It represents our strength as a people, and our power as a military force, and our ability to overcome.

The flag can represent our humanity, and our practice of stepping forward to help other countries in need. It can represent our belief in the ethical treatment of all people. We have a responsibility to other people and nations, to do what is right, to protect the principals that our country stands for.

We can also look upon our flag as a symbol of success. We know there is a flag flying on the moon, as a symbol of our nation’s success, and creativity, and ingenuity. It represents our pride, our collective ability, and the awareness that we each have the potential to succeed and achieve.

The flag means more to me than a series of colors and shapes that we use to indicate our country. It stands for the American Spirit and our strength, our servicemen and women, and our home. It represents the place and the people that call to our hearts, when we are away from our shores. It represents hope for the future, the opportunity to achieve our dreams, and the belief that how we live is the very best way to live.


Happy 4th of July,

Joni

Happy 4th!

What a nice day. I took today off for an appointment, and just took it easy with Nathan all day. A little shopping, went for ice cream, just a pleasant day.

Happy 4th of July!

(That's obviously an old picture, but he just looked so cute and patriotic there, with his red, white & blue hat and clothes, that I just couldn't resist...)