Be On The Lookout

Just the kind of phonecall that you don't want to hear...

On Thursday, I received a phonecall at work from my son's daycamp. They said there was an armed robbery in the vicinity of the camp, and the robber escaped on foot in the direction of the daycamp. The police were there, and the camp was under lockdown. They gave me very specific instructions for how I was to pick up my son, and gave me the option of picking him up then, or at the usual time, assuring me the police would be present the entire day.

Yikes.

I was not only frightened for his safety, but also for his ability to handle the drastic change in his schedule, and the idea of 65-70 kids being cooped up in a small building (room). Talk about your sensory overload...

Work was very understanding, and allowed me to go check up on him, with warnings to be careful and not put myself in danger. I didn't care about my safety, I just needed to know my son was okay. But it's nice to work for a place that gives me so much flexibility during work time.

I went to the daycamp, after following their inconvenient, yet understandably necessary, steps to get in. They weren't kidding about the police being there. So were all the big shots in charge of the camp. There were tons of police cars, and I don't know how many undercover cars (I saw a woman with handcuffs dangling off her belt climb into a plain looking car). The parking lot was packed with police. I was awed, and relieved. They stopped me before I could even get close to the building, and we went through more secuity measures. Finally they told me they were going to bring my son out to me. I didn't want to do that, I wanted to go in and just see if he was alright. They finally agreed to allow me in.

I walked into the building, which was packed with about 70 kids, covering every inch of the floor. The volume was deafening, with the typical happy squeals of playing children. While everything looked safe and sound, I was instantly worried about what that level of noise was doing to Nathan. It took me a little while, but I finally located him among the sea of kids. He was fine, though I could tell he was getting over-stimulated (but not to the point of meltdown yet). I whipped out a pair of earplugs (I always carry a bunch in my purse), and handed them to him. He smiled, thanked me, and instantly put them in. Right then, his aide walked up to me, and informed me apologetically that he had offered to get Nathan his earplugs, but Nathan declined. I just smiled and told him that I didn't ask him, I just handed them to him. (Sometimes it's best not to offer the option). I also assured the aide that it was fine. I just knew this was going to be too much for him, and would cause sensory overload. It's one of the reasons I came. I stuck around for a while, to reassure myself that all was safe, and to make sure Nathan wasn't going to melt down. It gave me a good opportunity to talk with his aide, who seems to already have a good feel for Nathan's signals, and how to handle him when he's over-stimulated. The guy is really good with kids. Once the camp was allowed to go outside again (with police escort), and continue with their regular scheduled activities, I left and returned to work, leaving Nathan there. At that point, the place seemed as safe as Fort Knox. And Nathan looked out of the woods, so to speak, with any sensory overload. And none of the kids seemed frightened, or even aware that anything out of the ordinary was going on.

We returned to the daycamp in the evening for the family night. The police were still there! I thought this was awfully impressive. By this time, the thief that had inspired the lockdown had moved on and hit two other locations, several miles away, and was obviously no longer in the vicinity, yet the police stayed to be sure, and to reassure the families. I later found out from Nathan that the police gave the kids talks about "stranger danger," and they also talked to the kids about what it was like to grow up to be a police officer. He thought the whole thing was really neat. Gotta admit, I did too.

So as frightening as the phone call was, it was so cool to see that they would handle things so well in the event of an emergency, and that they would go above and beyond the call of duty (both the camp, and the police), to keep the kiddies safe. It gave me a whole new sense of security, where Nathan was concerned.

And Nathan had a really good first week at daycamp! He was awarded a certificate, declaring he was the "Game King," due to his knack of winning every game he played. (He was particularly proud of slaughtering the counselors at checkers, LOL!) No major meltdowns, and he did very well most days. (Too bad his aide couldn't accompany Nathan to school next semester...)

The summer is looking up!

Don't Get Your Hopes Up

I guess it was all too good to be true.

We had just started Nathan on a new medication Wednesday morning. Dh and I decided not to share that information with the school. They have made it very clear that they have a strong bias when it comes to medication, and we feel it influences the kind of feedback we get. So we figured we had a week where we were only giving meds in the morning, before they had to be given in the middle of the day as well, so we wanted to see how he did for one week, without anyone knowing that a change had been made.

Wednesday I got a call from the school nurse. My heart stopped when I heard her voice. I feared that Nathan might have had some kind of reaction to his medication. (Why else would she call?) She told me Nathan had had a meltdown, and had been sent to the office, and she asked what kind of new medication he was on. I told her, believing that if a school nurse asks me, there must be some medical need to know this information, right? Wrong! She then informed me that his special ed teacher heard Nathan say he was on a new med, so she instructed the school nurse to call me to find out what kind it was!! GRRRRRRRR!

I am so tired of being lied to and manipulated by the IEP team.

While talking to the school nurse, I questioned her about Nathan's meltdown. I was very worried about him. The nurse could tell me absolutely nothing about what happened, why it happened, what was done about it, etc. However, she told me that she was sure the special ed teacher would fill me in because "she's good about that." Yeah right. I never got a call back, no note, no phone call, nothing. I was TICKED. She can sure call me when she wants to talk about drugs, but when I'm concerned about my son's well-being, that isn't important enough to warrant picking up the phone!

I can't believe she would be so bold and so manipulative, to not only insist on knowing the meds my son takes, but to have the school nurse call to find out is really despicable.

This got me angry enough to shoot off an email to the woman's boss. I complained about her calling to find out about the meds, about the nurse going along with it, about how we've been interrogated through numerous IEP meetings about what meds he's on and what doctors we've been to and what the doctors say and what we are going to do next regarding doctors, etc. I informed him that I will no longer discuss any medical issues with the school staff unless there is some kind of medical urgency, and then it would be with the appropriate staff member (like the nurse, not the special ed teacher), and that any medical information I provide will not be shared with anyone on the staff who asks about it. I also said that if anyone had any medical opinions or concerns about my son, to put it into writing and I would submit it to his doctors, but I would no longer discuss any of this with them.

I further complained about the fact that I had been very forthcoming up until now, with all medical information, and I do not appreciate their efforts to lie to me and manipulate me to get even more information. I complained about the lack of professionalism I've faced, and the violations to my son's privacy and his rights.

I complained about the fact that no one could call me back and let me know what happened with my son's meltdown. I said that my son had complained of a severe headache numerous times in school, and everyone ignored him. He shouted to kids to be quiet because his head hurt, and they ignored him. No one offered to assist him. No one noticed when he backed away from his desk. No one even came to him until he had thrown papers on the floor, and that was because they wanted to remove him from the room. No one showed him his new "wellness chart" that we all worked so hard to create (It's a scale that shows emoticons to represent when he is happy all the way up to major meltdown, describes how he feels in each stage, and gives him possible ways to calm himself). Nathan went through stage after stage, escalating, but no one bothered to acknowledge his signals. You would think since we just created the chart that it would be fresh on their minds, but they didn't pull it out until Nathan was in the hallway kicking lockers. Great timing. Had they showed it to him when he first started complaining of headaches, he might have completely avoided the entire meltdown!

But no, why bother using any of the de-escalation techniques? Drugs are the only real solution, right?

I also complained about the fact that they are continuing to send home class work that he didn't finish in school as homework. So this is on top of his regular homework. For the weekend, we were supposed to write a report on New Jersey, another on volcanoes, write an essay about the American Flag, and create a monument to a person or idea. Oh yeah, and the handouts that were passed out as well. Oh, and the daily reading assignment. And studying for his spelling test. And they're supposed to be REDUCING homework, not increasing it! (I blew off the volcano report, since they didn't bother to tell me about it during his suspension or immediately after his return.) Who cares that this was discussed repeatedly in his IEP meetings as being a major contributor to his meltdowns? And even after insisting in the last five IEP meetings, they still won't put a time limit on his homework! They just say they'll send home "less," but it never happens.

I told the special ed director that my trust and my faith is shattered. I don't believe they are going to even look at the IEP, that we did all this work for nothing. They want to just blow off all the accommodations, blow off all the charts and recommendations for how to make my son successful in school, and wait for us to medicate him to the level they want so he's easy to teach. Or maybe they think we'll stumble across "the magic Autism Pill" that will turn our son from autistic to neurologically typical, instantaneously...?

I don't know if my letter will do any good, but I tried. Now, I'm done waiting for them to do the right thing. These people will be called to task.

Don't get me wrong. There are some people I've been dealing with who really do care. One is his Speech Therapist. She's fabulous. She's made real progress with Nathan, socially. The school nurse was manipulated into calling me, but I do like her, and I do think she really has a good understanding about what Nathan goes through, and some valuable input into how to help him. I still want to cheer every time I think of her telling the IEP team that she doesn't think Nathan has ADHD. (She's right, by the way). The Autism Team has been great. They offered real solutions to help Nathan, all of which I think could work, if only the school would actually implement the ideas. And the special ed director (the special ed teacher's boss) seems like a very nice man, who truly cares about helping kids, and would bend over backwards to make it possible.

However, I do think the special ed teacher is a terrible choice as a case manager for my son. She only wants to focus on medications, and how to deal with my son once a meltdown occurs. She doesn't have any interest in avoiding a meltdown, or de-escalating one, and dismisses any advice about what triggers them She is deceiptful and manipulative. And she has a definite bias against my son; believing he should be removed from mainstream classrooms, regardless of the fact that he's demonstrated he can be successful in them, because he melts down when she ignores all the things that can escalate him. In her opinion, if he melts down, it's because we need to give him a bigger or better pill. Period. And if we won't, she'll just kick him out of mainstream class because he's too disruptive. She doesn't have to work at helping him succeed then. Until her boss came to the IEP meetings, all she wanted to know is what WE were going to do, to "fix" Nathan. What doctors, what drugs? She dismissed me when I spoke of why Nathan was having meltdowns. Too much homework? Pah! 30-40 hours of homework a week shouldn't have anything to do with it. Sensory overload? No! We don't believe his sensory issues have anything to do with his meltdowns. (!) His dog died? That wouldn't do it. We moved his desk? Why should that trigger a meltdown? Oh, it's happened before? Well, I still don't think that has anything to do with triggering a meltdown. Everyone ignored his signals that he was getting overloaded? His signals are not readable. No one gave him any warning of changes or transitions? He doesn't need that much warning. Okaaaaaaaay, so you're going to ignore all input about what's causing his meltdowns, and then you'll yank him out of mainstream class when he has them. What a peach.

I keep telling myself not to worry about this all summer, but I suppose I will anyway. At least his new teacher sounds very encouraging. I have to be excited for him to have a teacher who actually wants to take a personal interest in him, since she knows someone with autism. And the Autism Team has been enormously helpful. They will give a sensitivity training in the beginning of the new school year. (I wanted to do that this year, but the IEP team refused, until the Autism Team recommended it.) And the IEP has been re-written to have more specific goals. And the special ed teacher's boss has been involved in the meetings, which really helps. And the Family Support Director from Easter Seals has been fantastic in getting things on track. Yes, there have been a lot of positive changes and steps taken.

And then there's me. I'm done playing "nice." I'm done hoping people will do the right thing, and I'm going to demand it. I'm not a bad person, and I don't have unrealistic expectations, and I'm not asking for anything outrageous. I simply want people to treat my son and my husband and myself with respect and dignity. And to do their jobs willingly, thoroughly and ethically.

Not so much to ask, really.

IEP Success

The IEP went better this time. It was a smaller group, with the Autism Team, the special ed teacher, the speech therapist, the director of special ed and the rep from Easter Seals Family Support Services.

We got to meet Nathan's teacher for next year, and she's actually looking forward to teaching Nathan. She has a friend with an autistic child, so she is taking a personal interest in him. That was very good news to us.

The teachers and para will all get special training in autism this year. The whole school district will. More good news.

The IEP was altered this time, to give us more specific goals. The old ones were so vague, you didn't know exactly what they meant, let alone how to measure their success.

They are going to stop pulling Nathan out of class so much. This was particularly interesting to me, since we believe the person he spends so much time with, outside of his classroom, is also the person who escalates him the most. They think Nathan has been using the sensory room as a playground, and they may be right. I don't like the idea of taking away breaks, and fought to keep them, but they will be shorter (which may be just fine, as long as he takes them often or before he escalates too far) and they will be less play-like. That's okay. That might work just fine.

They offered to let him take Septran to school, but we opted to try the school bus one more time. The kids that used to bully him so badly have not bothered him, or they have moved on to other schools. So we'll try it, and we'll evaluate it again next school year to see if it's working.

The Autism Team will talk to his class next year. YAY!! They are actually going to tell the kids that Nathan has autism! We had suggested this all year, but they refused to do it. As soon as the Autism Team recommends it, everyone agrees. I find that annoying, but at least it will benefit Nathan. The more understanding people have, the more patient they usually are with his meltdowns or his quirks.

They have also adjusted the whole attitude about restraint. We can't fight to have it prevented. Truthfully, we don't always object to it. We don't want anyone else to get hurt. He can get quite aggressive, and sometimes it does become necessary to stop him, and to remove him from the room. What I do object to is restraining him for yelling. Or for throwing school supplies on the floor. Or for hitting another kid with a piece of paper. All of which has happened. And we object to him coming home with buises from it! And being yelled at and ridiculed while he is being restrained! So we were able to insist that no one is to touch him, unless all other avenues have been exhausted, and those that do restrain him are trained in proper technique. We also had it noted in his IEP that we object to any form of restraint, and emphasized that it will absolutely escalate him tenfold, and that any unwanted and unexpected touch is actually quite painful to him. I don't know if any of that will help, but at least our objections are on record, and hopefully they will understand why the restraint is such a bad idea for him. Keep in mind that he has never hurt another child. The only people he has hit are the ones that try to restrain him. We're hoping if the restraint isn't going to used as often, he will calm down a bit, and not escalate so badly or so quickly. Right now, he knows the minute he looks at them funny, they will grab him. If that's not the case, maybe everyone can calm down, and actually DE-escalate the situation, instead of making it worse. Hm, what a concept.

Anyway, we seem to have averted the confined classroom for now. We have also not been thrown out of school. And he has actually passed third grade (which we wen't at all sure of).

Next school year, however, I will not be so naive, nor so trusting, nor tolerant. There will be no more bruises. Restraint better not be used unless it is actually called for. And people will not be threatening me with confined classrooms unless I dope my child to the gills.

As an experiment, they stopped pulling him out of class this week. He spent a lot less time with the teacher we believe is making everything worse.

Ironically, Nathan had a major turn around last week! He did INCREDIBLY well! He did his work, he was mostly calm, and he did his homework. The teacher even sent a note home about it! I was so proud of him!

I wonder if the powers that be at that school noticed how much his behavior improved, when he spent less time with her...?

Mom's Meltdown

Friday was not a good day.

Nathan was sent home again. He hurt his finger in the morning, which always leaves him particularly vulnerable to meltdowns. Any pain does. It brings him to the limits of his tolerance. Later in the morning, the teacher had the class working on something, and Nathan didn't understand it. He got behind, and got frustrated. He melted down. I don't know the details. All I know is that he was out in the hallway, and he was kicking a locker. Dh went to get him and bring him home for the day.

And Monday is another IEP meeting. Not my favorite thing in the world.

His case manager is pushing hard to put him in a confined classroom, and it really disgusts me. He can be successful in a mainstream class. He's been extremely successful before. But she says "he's changed."

And she wants to keep putting restraint into the IEP. Either that, or the Behavior Modification Plan. If I see or hear the word "restraint" again, she may have to deal with a full blown meltdown from ME.

sigh.

She's Had It

I'm exhausted.

Nathan has been suspended again. Tuesday, dh was called to pick him up from school. (They never called me.) They said he hit someone, and therefore they have every right to suspend him. They can suspend him for up to five days, so they suspended him for three.

The principal told my husband that she's "HAD IT." She is "at the end of her rope." The teacher avoided speaking to him. Everyone just acted furious that they had to deal with this.

At this point, I have no idea what to do to improve this situation. The school has made it very clear they are fed up with dealing with my son and want him gone. The hostility we face there is palpable.

More later...

The Autism School

I went to visit the Therapeutic Day School that Easter Seals has out in Tinley Park. They are in the process of opening a similar school in my town, so I was excited to be invited to tour the facility.

Visiting this school was a real eye-opener. The first thing I noticed was the incredible atmosphere there. The children (and young adults) were treated with respect and dignity. The staff was protective and supportive. The teachers obviously loved their jobs, and their students. And parents were also treated with respect. There was open communication between the teachers and the parents, and the parents weren't enemies, but more like partners. It was refreshing, and impressive.

They showed me a small room they referred to as their "remodeling project." It was an empty room, and the plasterboard was broken in places, and there were large holes in the walls. Turns out, this is not really a room in the middle of a remodel (well, it sort of is, but that's not why it looks like that). This room was used for the students that have extreme aggression issues. They can come to this room and literally rip it apart. They would rather allow the kids to do this, than to apply restraint. They really are in the process of remodelling it, by eventually replacing the drywall with a smoother material that has more give to it, and won't crumble like drywall. But the holes in the walls and the damaged plaster was caused by a young boy who takes out his aggression on the walls of that room. They preferred to allow him this release of his stress, rather than to restrain him. (You know this caught my attention.)

Restraint is used as a last resort at the school. (Yeah, I've heard that before, but at this place, they really seems to MEAN it.) First, parents need to sign a consent form that restraint can be used. Then, the people who administer the restraint have to go through many hours of training. Once they complete training, they must pass THREE exams, before they are even allowed to attempt restraint.

Consent?? Do you think my school district could adopt that policy??? And extensive training? You can bet your sweet bippy that the five adults who held my son down on the classroom floor had not gone through such extensive training, if any at all. If I'm lucky, one of them had some training, but I wouldn't count on that.

Anyway, as we toured the rest of the school, I was amazed at all the individualized attention the children received. Their education was individualized, their schedules, their therapies, everything. There was an apartment set up within the school, where kids could go practice such things as setting a table for dinner, preparing a simple meal, using a microwave, using an oven, doing laundry, folding clothes, making a bed, finding a book in a library. It was so cool! They were trained on social skills, and they worked on such things as ordering food in a restaurant. You know, the kinds of things the kids will need in everyday life.

The classrooms were based on level of functioning, as well as age groups, and the staff to student ratio was tiny. I think the biggest ratio we saw was one staff member to three students. Sometimes it was one to one!

Many of the kids were gone the day I was there - they go bowling about once a week.

Parents receive daily updates on their children's progress. Some teachers also have monthly newsletters as well. If they are working on a particular skill, the parents are told about it, and when they master it, the parents are told as well. It is also encouraged for parents to send notes to the teacher, describing if their child had a good or bad morning, or was working on a skill at home, or whatever. Open communication between staff and parents!

I wish my son's school could see that one. If only to bear witness to the caring attitude of the staff. (And to learn how restraint should be used as a last resort)

I applaud Easter Seals on their work. I think they have a fabulous school in Tinley Park, and I hope they are able to achieve the same success for the kids here.

IEP Part One

The IEP meeting was definately different. Right off the bat, I was greeted by the Director of Special Ed for the school. He was younger than I had expected (yikes, I feel old sometimes), and I instantly got a good vibe from him. I was told he had a lot of experience with autism, which made me want to cheer.

Happily, I also discovered that the rep from the Autism Team was present. Though she has been invited to the majority of the meetings, her schedule often develops conflicts that prevent her from coming. I was pleased she was also able to make it.

The rep from Easter Seals also came. She's the director of Family Support Services. The last time she came, she really kept the meetings on track, and made me feel a lot more comfortable with the proceedings. She's fabulous. Her presence has been like a lifeline for me. I don't know how I'd get through these meetings without her.

I had tucked the pictures of Nathan's bruises into my folder, and showed them to the Easter Seals rep, just before the meeting. She said they were significant. I thought so too, and I was glad someone objective agreed, someone professionally experienced with autism, IEPs, restraint and school districts. I felt validated.

During the meeting, the Easter Seals rep asked if she could see the review of the goals. I gave her a copy, and she and the Director of Special Ed had their heads together looking over it. The Director commented, "Who wrote these goals?" as if he was not at all pleased with them. They're awfully vague and hard to measure or evaluate. Cool; maybe he'll have a positive influence on them.

The question of medication came up AGAIN. It was much more brief this time. I basically told them nothing had changed in his meds, and they weren't likely to change for several weeks at least. (We have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the end of the month. The psychologist can't prescribe meds.) I was delighted that this discussion was kept brief. However, they did tell me they wanted me to sign a medical release form. I informed them that my doctor expressed concern about release forms, and I wanted to discuss the matter with him before I signed anything.

After all, if we start trying new meds, I want to get an unbiased evaluation of how they are affecting my son. If they know we are trying a new med, and they approve, they may see positive results that aren't really there, or in contrast, if we take him off all meds, they may see negative behavior that really isn't there. I want honest feedback on how he's doing, and if anything seems better or worse. If they can have free access to his medical records at any time, I don't have that unbiased opinion. After all, these are the people who demanded that I increase his meds, insisting that my son had "outgrown his dosage" of medicine and that this was causing his meltdowns, even though his meds were actually for attention, and had nothing to do with meltdowns. They also had no qualms about lying to me, telling me that the Autism Team had no recommendations for my son other than to say he needed medication, too. That is, until I got a copy of their two-page recommendations that did not mention medication at all. I don't trust these people enough to tell them what medications I do or do not give my son. I do report all of their concerns to his doctor (yes even the ones I don't agree with), and let a qualified physican make the determination about the medication, in consultation with us, his parents. The school doesn't need to know any more than that.

However, they had the nerve to corner me in the hallway after the meeting, and pressure me to sign a "permission form" so that he can get OT and PT next year. Huh? It says right on the paper that it's a medical release, allowing them full access to his medical records! I was angry. I said, "Wait, this isn't a permission form, it's a medical release form!" They told me, "No it's not. It's just to give us permission to get a prescription from his doctor for OT and PT." I replied, "But it says medical release right here!" She again repeated that it was just for them to get a prescription. Bull. (Later, I discovered that the form should be much more specific than this, that this is wide open. I won't give them this.) I told her I would take the form to his doctor and discuss it with him. She was not pleased, and the last time I saw her she was murmering to the others how I wouldn't sign it. Tough. Don't lie to me, and then expect me to trust that you are innocent in your requests.

The meeting was frustrating. Nathan's teacher was still dripping with digust and dislike of my son. She complained about him being aggressive and disruptive to the rest of the class. She even said that day he stuck sharpened pencils in a kids face that day in an aggressive manner. I was shocked. Why didn't the school call me? Had they dragged him out of class again? But then she was interrupted by someone else claiming that Nathan was much less aggressive lately. What? I was so startled to have them tell me the aggression had decreased, that I lost track of the comments about the pencils. Now I was hearing that he hadn't had a meltdown since March 7th. Wow! Had it really been that long? That's two months! (And gee, how is this possible, since they were so certain that he had "outgrown" his medication??? Idiots. I told them the medications were not the problem. I told them he was overwhelmed by homework, and the fact that this dog was dying, and that he was freaking out over some of the things they were doing in school that were known triggers for him. Did they listen to me? Nooooo.)

It wasn't until later that a couple things occurred to me. For one, that date was not right! He had a meltdown on March 21st! That was the time he came home with bruises!! I didn't recall the date at the time of the meeting, but I looked it up afterwards. Now wait a minute. Not only did they admit to me that my son had been restrained, but that they held his upper arms, not his lower arms, when they dragged him out of class. They were also reporting all of this to DCFS, who did not want to follow up with an investigation, because the principal told them that she "wasn't convinced the bruises came from the restraint." Did all of that get magically erased from his records?!? Makes me wonder if they reported it to DCFS at all! GRRRRRRRRR!!!! More @#!*& lies.

Another thing I found out was that horribly aggressive act of sticking sharp pencils in some kid's face. A note had been sent home from school the night before, requesting that Nathan bring in some pencils to school. I had told Nathan to go pick out a few pencils and put them in his bag. He has a whole box of pencils - he just loves them. All he was doing was trying to show another kid his new pencils. Period. That's why they didn't call me, or drag him out of class, or anything like that. It WASN'T an aggressive act, and they KNEW it. He was just proud, and showing off. More lies.

Then the rep from the Autism Team mentions that the case manager and special ed teacher has been looking into putting Nathan into a confined classroom. What the heck??? Now that the aggression is, by all agreement, significantly reduced? I jumped on that and said, "Why would you consider pulling him out of mainstream classes when he has done so well in mainstream in the past? He had fabulous grades, all up until January!" She looked at me and said, "He's changed." What the ---??? I exclaimed, "He hasn't changed!" Then we got interrupted yet again. This is really ticking me off now.

Now I get it. The teacher lying about the pencils, the comments about how he's aggressive and disruptive to the other students, the discussion with the Autism Team about confined classroom - they want to get him out of there. Here THEY CREATED THIS MESS, by dumping him with 30-40 hours of homework each week, even though we warned them about it, and asked them to stop, even though we told them he was shutting down, and now, when he flips out and throws fits, they punish him by yanking him out of his classroom, and treating him like he's some kind of spoiled rotten brat, or worse yet - a monster, and justify their own use of restraint, which also WORSENS the situation, as I TOLD them it would.

What's wrong with these people???

That case manager is such a cold, hostile, manipulative bundle of ice. I personally believe she has a great deal to do with my son's lack of success in school. He had extremely good grades, right up until the day she started. I've seen her do things that definately upset my son, and claim ignorance that it would have that effect. For example, while I was trying to calm my son, after a particularly bad meltdown, she stood across the room and kept flicking the lights on and off! I have no idea what the purpose of this was (I was too caught up in trying to calm him to stop her), and with my son's hypersensitivity to light, this could only escalate him. It's stated in his IEP that he's sensitive to light! Why would someone do that??? She also moved his desk that day, and then told me she was positive that this had nothing to do with Nathan's meltdown. WHAT?? It also says in his IEP that he can't handle change or transitions! He also had a similar meltdown when they changed his seat on the bus! (But of course, she was "sure" the meltdown was due to the fact that he needed stronger, or different, meds. The desk being moved had "nothing to do with it." Idiot.) In addition to the way she mishandles the situation, she also mishandles my son. She is always involved in the restraint. She acts like he is a monster, and can't stand him.

During the meeting, I just about jumped up and cheered. The Director of Special Ed (the case manager's boss, by the way) asked the group what had changed in January, when my son's grades had suddenly tanked, and his meltdowns increased in severity and frequency. The case manager spoke up and said it was when she came back to work. That little statement hung in the air, with this HUGE pregnant pause. HA!! I wanted to add a bunch of other things that had happened back in January, to justify how none of this had anything to do with the meds, but had everything to do with being overwhelmed by school and the situation with the dog, (not to mention the obvious dislike his teacher, principal and case manager have for him) but I didn't want to interrupt that big revelation that was hanging over the table, how everything changed when she came on the case. I LOVED IT. I did later get to mention some of the other things, like the dog, which they thought would have a big impact on him (how come no one believed me when I said that back in January?), and of course the overload of homework. They still won't let me restrict the number of hours he does homework though. Can you believe that? I'm going to continue to fight for that.

Anyway, they finally admitted they had to reconvene the meeting. They had prepared the Behavior Management Plan based on the fact that the 'target behavior' was aggression, but now that is not the case. Now they need to target Nathan's unwillingness to do any schoolwork.

They had a copy of the rough draft of the IEP, for me to look over in the meantime. Good. I wanted to see if restraint was still in it. (It better not be.) They also had a rough draft of the behavior management plan there, that was to target the aggression. I took that as well.

When I got home, I went through the IEP. I was scanning for the word "restraint." What surprised me is that I found it in the Behavior Management Plan! They list the target behavior as aggression. They also state that one of the consequences of the target behavior is RESTRAINT!! You know what that sounds like to me?! Like the restraint is being used as PUNISHMENT for his "bad behavior," which is what we have been afraid of! I can't believe this. I am fuming now. I made it abundantly clear that I wanted NO MORE RESTRAINT. (I know they can use a certain amount of restraint with him, whether I give permission or not, like to prevent him from hitting another child, for example, but I will not consent to using restraint as punishment for my child!!) Not only that, but how the restraint is being administered is definately in question. Restraint shouldn't leave bruises, it shouldn't leave my son with aching arms and shoulders and chest for three days, and he most certainly shouldn't be taunted while being restrained! He should also not be carried by his ankles and wrists, spread eagle, down the hallway, and it shouldn't require FOUR OR FIVE ADULTS to restrain one little kid!! And I highly doubt all of the individual applying this restraint have any training in proper restraint at all!

I've had it!

Okay, there were some positive points to the meeting. After all, the Director of Special Ed was super nice. He really seemed caring and compassionate, two qualities that were desperately needed in these meetings. He also never left me feeling ignored, or manipulated, or ganged up on.

The rep from Easter Seals has been incredible for keeping me sane. She tells me about how things can't progress in the direction the case manager wants until it goes through a long process. She has a calming influence on me, that keeps me from having my own little meltdown, right there in the meeting.

The woman from the Autism Team also seems to really have Nathan's academic success as a priority, and she also shows great caring. She also understands about meltdowns and sensory issues and such, and doesn't have that "he's a monster" bias.

The Speech Therapist, bless her heart, actually stopped us before we left and told us how she has seen Nathan really making progress lately, and gave us some examples. She was so nice about it, and she was the only regular member of the IEP team who even had a pleasant thing to say about my son, and a positive story to share with us. I intend to write her a note and thank her for that. She obviously went out of her way to make sure we heard about it.

With the Special Ed Director, the Autism Team Rep, and the Easter Seals Rep, it certainly seems to level the playing field a little. There are several people now who have knowledge about autism, and don't automatically assume my child is "bad," "spoiled," or "a monster."

I also invited my son's doctor to the next meeting. I don't know if he will show or not, but it couldn't hurt to ask.

The Easter Seals Rep told me that now that the Special Ed Director is in the meetings, that she feels "cautiously optimistic." I looked at her like she was far more optimistic than I was. But she knows him better than I do, and assures me his is very compassionate and caring. I do believe her. So I try to tell myself that I am cautiously optimistic too. When I think of those three people being involved, my optimism increases. I can't say the same when I think about the others involved with my son.

The next IEP is in about a week and a half. God help me.