How wild. I just had a distant cousin email me, one I'd never met. She and I were swapping geneaology info. It was pretty exciting to me. All of our info matched, except she didn't have some of the details I did. Like how did I know where my great grandfather came from (in Germany), or my great grandmother's maiden name. She had never had any luck trying to track down info on our last name.
I knew where she was coming from. I couldn't find anything at first either. But I was lucky enough to have a copy of my grandfather's birth certificate. That led me down a certain path that got me a marriage license, a death certificate, burial plots, etc. Who knew you could get a marriage license from 1886? Too cool.
So my family got one person larger today.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, June 8, 2006
Stepping In
I got a call at work today, from the police. They were going over to visit the neighbor today. They will tell the parents to do their job, and tell the kids to stay away from Nathan, and if they don't do it, then, "We'll step in. And they won't like it if we step in." He gave me his direct phone number, and said to call if I have any further problems. He said he would call me and let me know how it went, but I haven't heard from him yet. You should have heard him. He sounded like he was glad to go over there and scare the living bejeebees out of them - he kinda scared me, lol.
Monday, June 5, 2006
Calling All Cops
I finally got a call from the police department, the Community Services division. He said my letter drew the attention of the mayor's office, and that office forwarded it on to him. I'm supposed to call him back tomorrow.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Bullies
It went really well, I think. The IEP was finished. We did get the para minutes, and I found out Nathan's teacher fought very hard to get them for us. The para will be here for the most challenging times for Nathan - the times of the biggest transitions, and the majority of the meltdowns. The para will also be on hand in the building in case Nathan has a tantrum during the other hours, and needs to be removed from class.
My niece sent me a book on Social Stories that looks really interesting. The IEP mentioned Social Stories, and said they would try to set up one for Nathan about his new teacher, with pictures and the classroom rules and such. However, he only has a partial day of school left, and I haven't seen it. They did tell me if they didn't get it done this week, that I could talk to them during Registration, and they would have one for me then.
I did go to the Easter Seals Seminar/Autism Support Group last week. It was pretty good. I got hooked up with the woman who runs a local Aspie Support Group in Rockford, and met a few parents and relatives of kids with autism. The support group usually meets once a month, but they take off a few months in the summer, so I won't see regular meetings pick up again until September. But they did have a few suggestions for me. They said to register Nathan with Milestone, and The Arc. Milestone has services available, such as respite care. They have people trained to work with autistic kids that can babysit for Nathan, and they give you an allotment of free babysitting hours that you can use in a month. The Arc has some services too, and one thing she told me was that The Arc is known to pay to send people to conferences and seminars, such as the Tony Atwood seminar in July. I also got signed up for an online bulletin board for the Rockford Aspie Support Group, and for another national bulletin board that is for high functioning autism.
We're having a major problem here with the two neighbor kids bullying Nathan. They are really getting nasty. I've told the kids' mother about it, but she won't do anything. I spoke to the kids and said that the bullying had to stop, that Nathan was getting (physically) hurt, but it hasn't stopped. A few weeks ago, the kids tried to use a collapsible basketball hoop as a catapult, and Nathan as the ammunition. He fell several feet to the blacktopped ground, landing on his backside. He couldn't sit down for a week. (It's possible they broke his tailbone, but I was told there is nothing they can do for a broken tailbone - they just give you a "donut" to sit on, and that's often worse than sitting on a solid surface).
On Friday, the boy next door threatened Nathan with a scissors, telling him he would stab Nathan, and that he would cut his head off. He made stabbing gestures at Nathan with the scissors too, making Nathan jump back to avoid the blades. The kid took the scissors and cut the buds off of our peony bush, to demonstrate how he would cut off Nathan's head. He scared Nathan half to death. Quite frankly, he scares me half to death too. Dh and I went over and spoke with the father, telling him that Nathan was autistic and that this left him particularly vulnerable to bullying of this sort. The father's response was to tell us "boys will be boys." He's not going to be any help, we can see that. Even after the talk, the bullying has continued, with an incident every day. It hasn't been as violent, but it's still going on.
I sent a note to Nathan's teacher when he went back to school this week, and asked that she keep an eye out for Nathan on the playground and stuff, because I was afraid the kid might go after Nathan when we weren't there to protect him. The teacher turned the note over to the principal, who called me at work and insisted that I call the police. Dh is very reluctant to involve the police, and fears it will make matters worse, but we did email the police department to tell them what is going on and to ask for their opinion on how to handle the situation. I haven't heard back from them yet.
On a positive note, I talked to the Park District today, and they will be working with Nathan in his daycamp for the summer. They are very familiar with autistic kids, and have interns that can shadow him all day while he is there. They sounded absolutely wonderful on the phone, and gave me hope that this would be a very positive experience for Nathan. We had a lengthy conversation, and I was pretty happy with the way it went.
My niece sent me a book on Social Stories that looks really interesting. The IEP mentioned Social Stories, and said they would try to set up one for Nathan about his new teacher, with pictures and the classroom rules and such. However, he only has a partial day of school left, and I haven't seen it. They did tell me if they didn't get it done this week, that I could talk to them during Registration, and they would have one for me then.
I did go to the Easter Seals Seminar/Autism Support Group last week. It was pretty good. I got hooked up with the woman who runs a local Aspie Support Group in Rockford, and met a few parents and relatives of kids with autism. The support group usually meets once a month, but they take off a few months in the summer, so I won't see regular meetings pick up again until September. But they did have a few suggestions for me. They said to register Nathan with Milestone, and The Arc. Milestone has services available, such as respite care. They have people trained to work with autistic kids that can babysit for Nathan, and they give you an allotment of free babysitting hours that you can use in a month. The Arc has some services too, and one thing she told me was that The Arc is known to pay to send people to conferences and seminars, such as the Tony Atwood seminar in July. I also got signed up for an online bulletin board for the Rockford Aspie Support Group, and for another national bulletin board that is for high functioning autism.
We're having a major problem here with the two neighbor kids bullying Nathan. They are really getting nasty. I've told the kids' mother about it, but she won't do anything. I spoke to the kids and said that the bullying had to stop, that Nathan was getting (physically) hurt, but it hasn't stopped. A few weeks ago, the kids tried to use a collapsible basketball hoop as a catapult, and Nathan as the ammunition. He fell several feet to the blacktopped ground, landing on his backside. He couldn't sit down for a week. (It's possible they broke his tailbone, but I was told there is nothing they can do for a broken tailbone - they just give you a "donut" to sit on, and that's often worse than sitting on a solid surface).
On Friday, the boy next door threatened Nathan with a scissors, telling him he would stab Nathan, and that he would cut his head off. He made stabbing gestures at Nathan with the scissors too, making Nathan jump back to avoid the blades. The kid took the scissors and cut the buds off of our peony bush, to demonstrate how he would cut off Nathan's head. He scared Nathan half to death. Quite frankly, he scares me half to death too. Dh and I went over and spoke with the father, telling him that Nathan was autistic and that this left him particularly vulnerable to bullying of this sort. The father's response was to tell us "boys will be boys." He's not going to be any help, we can see that. Even after the talk, the bullying has continued, with an incident every day. It hasn't been as violent, but it's still going on.
I sent a note to Nathan's teacher when he went back to school this week, and asked that she keep an eye out for Nathan on the playground and stuff, because I was afraid the kid might go after Nathan when we weren't there to protect him. The teacher turned the note over to the principal, who called me at work and insisted that I call the police. Dh is very reluctant to involve the police, and fears it will make matters worse, but we did email the police department to tell them what is going on and to ask for their opinion on how to handle the situation. I haven't heard back from them yet.
On a positive note, I talked to the Park District today, and they will be working with Nathan in his daycamp for the summer. They are very familiar with autistic kids, and have interns that can shadow him all day while he is there. They sounded absolutely wonderful on the phone, and gave me hope that this would be a very positive experience for Nathan. We had a lengthy conversation, and I was pretty happy with the way it went.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
My Aspie - It's Official
Well, it's official. The review board for the school determined that Nathan is mild to moderately autistic, specifically Aspergers Syndrome.
He has an above average IQ, and tested off the charts in his eye-hand perception. They had never seen anything like it. If they had a "mensa" category for motor skills, Nathan would have earned it, lol. He also scored very high in vocabulary and reading, but poorly in pragmatic language. So he knows the words, but can't use them in a social context very well. For example, if Nathan doesn't understand one word in a sentence, the whole sentence is lost on him. It was all very interesting, considering that academically Nathan tests out far lower than his grade level in reading, but on these tests he scored very high - well above average, as I knew he was.
The woman who did the testing told us that she knows Nathan's intelligence could be higher than the tests demonstrate. She said that she would ask a question, and Nathan would obviously know the answer, but he wouldn't directly answer the question - he would talk all around it. For example, if you ask him, "Nathan, what is a cow?" (They need for him to say "animal".) He might answer, "A cow is a milk producing mammal that lives on a farm. Cows make a moo sound. My uncle showed me his cows, and said I could milk them, but I was afraid to get too close. They are big." Yes, he knows what a cow is. However, since Nathan didn't say the word "animal," she couldn't count the answer as correct. (That may sound picky, but they have to stick to certain rules, or it all becomes too subjective.) The intelligence tests are not well suited for someone with Asperger's, she told me. In spite of this, he still tested above average.
They are going to provide him special ed services each week. He will get occupational therapy for his sensory issues - a lot at first, then less as the semester progresses. He will get social instruction, like how to interact with his peers. He will also get speech/language therapy, to improve his pragmatic language. Nathan's teacher demanded para minutes, but that requires fighting for it with the board of ed, and they were all quite fearful of doing that. I heard the phrase, "I'm not putting my neck on the chopping block." His teacher was ticked, and insisted that she would call and demand it if they wouldn't. From what I understand, there is a high demand for para minutes, and very little staff. Oh, and the teacher fought for "social stories," and they finally agreed to include them.
Anyway, they did find me a support group, and I go to that next week. I also was given the name of a couple books/authors. I picked up a Tony Atwood book, and a great book called Can I Tell You About Asperger's Syndrome? It was written from a kid's perspective, and looks like it will be very helpful in discussing this with Nathan. It was simple enough that it would have been great to have given his daycare providers, too, so they would know what it was like to be around a kid with AS. I wish I had that book years ago.
So it felt like it went well, though I don't have any basis for comparison. They all spoke so positively about Nathan! Every single one of them said he was very bright, and two of the group each referred to him as "charming." A world apart from the school that treated him like a demon child, and insisted I "take him home and make his life a living hell." They spoke very nicely about him, and expressed how well they expected him to do academically, with the help of the services.
I'm so exhausted though. I really need to sleep for about a week...
He has an above average IQ, and tested off the charts in his eye-hand perception. They had never seen anything like it. If they had a "mensa" category for motor skills, Nathan would have earned it, lol. He also scored very high in vocabulary and reading, but poorly in pragmatic language. So he knows the words, but can't use them in a social context very well. For example, if Nathan doesn't understand one word in a sentence, the whole sentence is lost on him. It was all very interesting, considering that academically Nathan tests out far lower than his grade level in reading, but on these tests he scored very high - well above average, as I knew he was.
The woman who did the testing told us that she knows Nathan's intelligence could be higher than the tests demonstrate. She said that she would ask a question, and Nathan would obviously know the answer, but he wouldn't directly answer the question - he would talk all around it. For example, if you ask him, "Nathan, what is a cow?" (They need for him to say "animal".) He might answer, "A cow is a milk producing mammal that lives on a farm. Cows make a moo sound. My uncle showed me his cows, and said I could milk them, but I was afraid to get too close. They are big." Yes, he knows what a cow is. However, since Nathan didn't say the word "animal," she couldn't count the answer as correct. (That may sound picky, but they have to stick to certain rules, or it all becomes too subjective.) The intelligence tests are not well suited for someone with Asperger's, she told me. In spite of this, he still tested above average.
They are going to provide him special ed services each week. He will get occupational therapy for his sensory issues - a lot at first, then less as the semester progresses. He will get social instruction, like how to interact with his peers. He will also get speech/language therapy, to improve his pragmatic language. Nathan's teacher demanded para minutes, but that requires fighting for it with the board of ed, and they were all quite fearful of doing that. I heard the phrase, "I'm not putting my neck on the chopping block." His teacher was ticked, and insisted that she would call and demand it if they wouldn't. From what I understand, there is a high demand for para minutes, and very little staff. Oh, and the teacher fought for "social stories," and they finally agreed to include them.
Anyway, they did find me a support group, and I go to that next week. I also was given the name of a couple books/authors. I picked up a Tony Atwood book, and a great book called Can I Tell You About Asperger's Syndrome? It was written from a kid's perspective, and looks like it will be very helpful in discussing this with Nathan. It was simple enough that it would have been great to have given his daycare providers, too, so they would know what it was like to be around a kid with AS. I wish I had that book years ago.
So it felt like it went well, though I don't have any basis for comparison. They all spoke so positively about Nathan! Every single one of them said he was very bright, and two of the group each referred to him as "charming." A world apart from the school that treated him like a demon child, and insisted I "take him home and make his life a living hell." They spoke very nicely about him, and expressed how well they expected him to do academically, with the help of the services.
I'm so exhausted though. I really need to sleep for about a week...
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Autism or Aspergers
I had to go to the school this morning for an appointment with the social worker. I guess this is the last of the interviews and such before the meeting on May 17th when the school presents the findings of the review board, and sets up an IEP.
The very first thing the social worker asked me was, "Are you familiar with the terms 'Autism' or 'Aspergers'?"
She was not giving me a diagnosis. I think this was sort of a warning for what to expect. She said, "Nathan does exhibit many characteristics of Aspergers. " She said that she does not present a diagnosis, but rather it is something that we all decide together, and that dh and I are a big part of the diagnosis - whatever it is.
I told her that what I was hoping for was to find support groups, people who were familiar with the kinds of issues my son faces, and who can help me to find ways to help him. I want suggestions on what doctors to take him to, what daycares or babysitters work well with autistic kids, how best to deal with his eccentricities, etc. Are there music teachers, art teachers, Cub Scout leaders, or team coaches, who are good with autistic kids? What about schools? Are there medical treatments that can improve his symptoms, or physical therapy type treatments like the sensory therapies I've heard you guys talk about?
She said there is a group within the board of education here that specializes in autism (The Autism Team), and she is going to refer them to me, and see if they have any suggestions on the things I've mentioned. She seemed surprised that I asked about babysitters, saying, "Oh my, yes, you need something like that!" She couldn't believe that we never leave him with a babysitter, never go out without him. She said she never considered how difficult it would be to leave a kid like Nathan with a sitter.
She seemed to really care about Nathan and how all this affected him. "Can you imagine what it must be like to live in his world...?" she asked me. I try. God knows I try. I can't always understand where he is coming from, but I can usually sense how important something is to him, even though it makes little sense to me WHY it should be so important. My heart aches for him, when I see how people treat him, and when I see how hard some very simple things can be for him.
We also talked about how he is often bullied, and how this weekend the neighbor kids tried to use a collapsible basketball hoop as a catapult, and Nathan as the ammunition. We thought they broke Nathan's tailbone. I think now that maybe it was just bruised, because he is healing rapidly, but sometimes he shows little reaction to something I know must be very painful. He has had ear infections that burst his eardrums, without ever complaining about feeling ear pain.
I've been trying to prepare dh for the possibility that Nathan has Autism or Asperger's. He was angry and resistant at first, but now he seems to be a bit more accepting. We'll see.
I'm heartbroken. And relieved. And scared. I know this can all be a positive thing, but it's hard not to feel scared when you aren't really moving forward, but just waiting for an evaluation summary. I was so excited when the social worker said she would talk to the Autism Team to see what resources she could find for us. OMG, that was the first time I've seen light at the end of the tunnel. (I didn't even know there was an Autism Team!) I haven't been able to find support groups in the area, but the social worker thinks she can help me to connect with advocates and such. I've tried to figure out what doctor to take Nathan to. His ped is useless for this stuff. He's fine for an ear infection or a strep throat, but this is beyond his scope I guess. When I try to ask him questions about Nathan's meds, or voice my concerns about his side effects, the doc just tells me "don't worry about it." Excuse me, but my son is having painful migraines, and you tell me not to worry?? Do you have children of your own?? sigh.
Anyway, I'm really tired. I've been on the verge of tears all day, and on the verge of cheering. Yeah, confusing, I know. Silly me, I still want people to tell me that all of this is just a lack of maturity, and Nathan will grow out of his "issues." But I also want to cheer because maybe there will be people out here who know what we all go through with Nathan, and may have ideas for me, or doctors to recommend, or teachers and caregivers to recommend. Geez, to even imagine that there could be help for us seems almost too good to be true.
On another positive note, I did get Nathan into the Park District's day camp for the summer. It's expensive, but it's a good program. He did this a couple years ago, and they were fabulous with him. They assigned a college student (special ed) to shadow him all day, and really helped him to cope with the new environment. That was for free, too. It was the very fist time I had a teacher or caregiver look at my son like a person and not like some kind of demon child. People usually treat Nathan like he just needs a good swift kick in the ass, instead of trying to see what a great kid he is. They also treat me like some kind of awful mother, who can't control my son. Anyway, I'm just thrilled we got him in the daycamp. This place could be a real good experience for him, at a time when he really needs it.
I'm so worn out.
The very first thing the social worker asked me was, "Are you familiar with the terms 'Autism' or 'Aspergers'?"
She was not giving me a diagnosis. I think this was sort of a warning for what to expect. She said, "Nathan does exhibit many characteristics of Aspergers. " She said that she does not present a diagnosis, but rather it is something that we all decide together, and that dh and I are a big part of the diagnosis - whatever it is.
I told her that what I was hoping for was to find support groups, people who were familiar with the kinds of issues my son faces, and who can help me to find ways to help him. I want suggestions on what doctors to take him to, what daycares or babysitters work well with autistic kids, how best to deal with his eccentricities, etc. Are there music teachers, art teachers, Cub Scout leaders, or team coaches, who are good with autistic kids? What about schools? Are there medical treatments that can improve his symptoms, or physical therapy type treatments like the sensory therapies I've heard you guys talk about?
She said there is a group within the board of education here that specializes in autism (The Autism Team), and she is going to refer them to me, and see if they have any suggestions on the things I've mentioned. She seemed surprised that I asked about babysitters, saying, "Oh my, yes, you need something like that!" She couldn't believe that we never leave him with a babysitter, never go out without him. She said she never considered how difficult it would be to leave a kid like Nathan with a sitter.
She seemed to really care about Nathan and how all this affected him. "Can you imagine what it must be like to live in his world...?" she asked me. I try. God knows I try. I can't always understand where he is coming from, but I can usually sense how important something is to him, even though it makes little sense to me WHY it should be so important. My heart aches for him, when I see how people treat him, and when I see how hard some very simple things can be for him.
We also talked about how he is often bullied, and how this weekend the neighbor kids tried to use a collapsible basketball hoop as a catapult, and Nathan as the ammunition. We thought they broke Nathan's tailbone. I think now that maybe it was just bruised, because he is healing rapidly, but sometimes he shows little reaction to something I know must be very painful. He has had ear infections that burst his eardrums, without ever complaining about feeling ear pain.
I've been trying to prepare dh for the possibility that Nathan has Autism or Asperger's. He was angry and resistant at first, but now he seems to be a bit more accepting. We'll see.
I'm heartbroken. And relieved. And scared. I know this can all be a positive thing, but it's hard not to feel scared when you aren't really moving forward, but just waiting for an evaluation summary. I was so excited when the social worker said she would talk to the Autism Team to see what resources she could find for us. OMG, that was the first time I've seen light at the end of the tunnel. (I didn't even know there was an Autism Team!) I haven't been able to find support groups in the area, but the social worker thinks she can help me to connect with advocates and such. I've tried to figure out what doctor to take Nathan to. His ped is useless for this stuff. He's fine for an ear infection or a strep throat, but this is beyond his scope I guess. When I try to ask him questions about Nathan's meds, or voice my concerns about his side effects, the doc just tells me "don't worry about it." Excuse me, but my son is having painful migraines, and you tell me not to worry?? Do you have children of your own?? sigh.
Anyway, I'm really tired. I've been on the verge of tears all day, and on the verge of cheering. Yeah, confusing, I know. Silly me, I still want people to tell me that all of this is just a lack of maturity, and Nathan will grow out of his "issues." But I also want to cheer because maybe there will be people out here who know what we all go through with Nathan, and may have ideas for me, or doctors to recommend, or teachers and caregivers to recommend. Geez, to even imagine that there could be help for us seems almost too good to be true.
On another positive note, I did get Nathan into the Park District's day camp for the summer. It's expensive, but it's a good program. He did this a couple years ago, and they were fabulous with him. They assigned a college student (special ed) to shadow him all day, and really helped him to cope with the new environment. That was for free, too. It was the very fist time I had a teacher or caregiver look at my son like a person and not like some kind of demon child. People usually treat Nathan like he just needs a good swift kick in the ass, instead of trying to see what a great kid he is. They also treat me like some kind of awful mother, who can't control my son. Anyway, I'm just thrilled we got him in the daycamp. This place could be a real good experience for him, at a time when he really needs it.
I'm so worn out.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Back To Work
Entry for February 15, 2006,
I went to that meeting today. Dh and I were both pleasantly surprised at how well things went. It was mostly informative. Nathan's teacher did most of the talking, and she was obviously acting as his advocate. She pressed the fact that he is a good boy, and not malicious or intentionally bad. She knows he can't control his outbursts, but they result from his being overcome by too much stimulation to his senses. She also spoke of how bright he is, and that his academic test scores don't reflect his true functioning level, and how unfair that was to Nathan. They are scheduling a battery of tests, that will take place over the next 60 days (that's 60 school days). That will pretty much take us to nearly the end of the school year.
We all went out, so dh and I could kind of recover from the stressful meeting, and to talk about how we felt about things. Dh and I agreed that everyone seemed to have Nathan's best interests at heart, and that if things go as they have been described to us, we might have some answers, some direction, and some help. We're both cautiously optimistic. (It's still hard to trust, but it helps to see that all of this was handled so much more compassionately than anything we have dealt with previously).
When we got home, I had an interesting message on my voicemail.
Turns out, there was a message that a place I interviewed with wants to offer me a job. Looks like I'm going back to work.
I went to that meeting today. Dh and I were both pleasantly surprised at how well things went. It was mostly informative. Nathan's teacher did most of the talking, and she was obviously acting as his advocate. She pressed the fact that he is a good boy, and not malicious or intentionally bad. She knows he can't control his outbursts, but they result from his being overcome by too much stimulation to his senses. She also spoke of how bright he is, and that his academic test scores don't reflect his true functioning level, and how unfair that was to Nathan. They are scheduling a battery of tests, that will take place over the next 60 days (that's 60 school days). That will pretty much take us to nearly the end of the school year.
We all went out, so dh and I could kind of recover from the stressful meeting, and to talk about how we felt about things. Dh and I agreed that everyone seemed to have Nathan's best interests at heart, and that if things go as they have been described to us, we might have some answers, some direction, and some help. We're both cautiously optimistic. (It's still hard to trust, but it helps to see that all of this was handled so much more compassionately than anything we have dealt with previously).
When we got home, I had an interesting message on my voicemail.
Turns out, there was a message that a place I interviewed with wants to offer me a job. Looks like I'm going back to work.
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