The IEP meeting was definately different. Right off the bat, I was greeted by the Director of Special Ed for the school. He was younger than I had expected (yikes, I feel old sometimes), and I instantly got a good vibe from him. I was told he had a lot of experience with autism, which made me want to cheer.
Happily, I also discovered that the rep from the Autism Team was present. Though she has been invited to the majority of the meetings, her schedule often develops conflicts that prevent her from coming. I was pleased she was also able to make it.
The rep from Easter Seals also came. She's the director of Family Support Services. The last time she came, she really kept the meetings on track, and made me feel a lot more comfortable with the proceedings. She's fabulous. Her presence has been like a lifeline for me. I don't know how I'd get through these meetings without her.
I had tucked the pictures of Nathan's bruises into my folder, and showed them to the Easter Seals rep, just before the meeting. She said they were significant. I thought so too, and I was glad someone objective agreed, someone professionally experienced with autism, IEPs, restraint and school districts. I felt validated.
During the meeting, the Easter Seals rep asked if she could see the review of the goals. I gave her a copy, and she and the Director of Special Ed had their heads together looking over it. The Director commented, "Who wrote these goals?" as if he was not at all pleased with them. They're awfully vague and hard to measure or evaluate. Cool; maybe he'll have a positive influence on them.
The question of medication came up AGAIN. It was much more brief this time. I basically told them nothing had changed in his meds, and they weren't likely to change for several weeks at least. (We have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the end of the month. The psychologist can't prescribe meds.) I was delighted that this discussion was kept brief. However, they did tell me they wanted me to sign a medical release form. I informed them that my doctor expressed concern about release forms, and I wanted to discuss the matter with him before I signed anything.
After all, if we start trying new meds, I want to get an unbiased evaluation of how they are affecting my son. If they know we are trying a new med, and they approve, they may see positive results that aren't really there, or in contrast, if we take him off all meds, they may see negative behavior that really isn't there. I want honest feedback on how he's doing, and if anything seems better or worse. If they can have free access to his medical records at any time, I don't have that unbiased opinion. After all, these are the people who demanded that I increase his meds, insisting that my son had "outgrown his dosage" of medicine and that this was causing his meltdowns, even though his meds were actually for attention, and had nothing to do with meltdowns. They also had no qualms about lying to me, telling me that the Autism Team had no recommendations for my son other than to say he needed medication, too. That is, until I got a copy of their two-page recommendations that did not mention medication at all. I don't trust these people enough to tell them what medications I do or do not give my son. I do report all of their concerns to his doctor (yes even the ones I don't agree with), and let a qualified physican make the determination about the medication, in consultation with us, his parents. The school doesn't need to know any more than that.
However, they had the nerve to corner me in the hallway after the meeting, and pressure me to sign a "permission form" so that he can get OT and PT next year. Huh? It says right on the paper that it's a medical release, allowing them full access to his medical records! I was angry. I said, "Wait, this isn't a permission form, it's a medical release form!" They told me, "No it's not. It's just to give us permission to get a prescription from his doctor for OT and PT." I replied, "But it says medical release right here!" She again repeated that it was just for them to get a prescription. Bull. (Later, I discovered that the form should be much more specific than this, that this is wide open. I won't give them this.) I told her I would take the form to his doctor and discuss it with him. She was not pleased, and the last time I saw her she was murmering to the others how I wouldn't sign it. Tough. Don't lie to me, and then expect me to trust that you are innocent in your requests.
The meeting was frustrating. Nathan's teacher was still dripping with digust and dislike of my son. She complained about him being aggressive and disruptive to the rest of the class. She even said that day he stuck sharpened pencils in a kids face that day in an aggressive manner. I was shocked. Why didn't the school call me? Had they dragged him out of class again? But then she was interrupted by someone else claiming that Nathan was much less aggressive lately. What? I was so startled to have them tell me the aggression had decreased, that I lost track of the comments about the pencils. Now I was hearing that he hadn't had a meltdown since March 7th. Wow! Had it really been that long? That's two months! (And gee, how is this possible, since they were so certain that he had "outgrown" his medication??? Idiots. I told them the medications were not the problem. I told them he was overwhelmed by homework, and the fact that this dog was dying, and that he was freaking out over some of the things they were doing in school that were known triggers for him. Did they listen to me? Nooooo.)
It wasn't until later that a couple things occurred to me. For one, that date was not right! He had a meltdown on March 21st! That was the time he came home with bruises!! I didn't recall the date at the time of the meeting, but I looked it up afterwards. Now wait a minute. Not only did they admit to me that my son had been restrained, but that they held his upper arms, not his lower arms, when they dragged him out of class. They were also reporting all of this to DCFS, who did not want to follow up with an investigation, because the principal told them that she "wasn't convinced the bruises came from the restraint." Did all of that get magically erased from his records?!? Makes me wonder if they reported it to DCFS at all! GRRRRRRRRR!!!! More @#!*& lies.
Another thing I found out was that horribly aggressive act of sticking sharp pencils in some kid's face. A note had been sent home from school the night before, requesting that Nathan bring in some pencils to school. I had told Nathan to go pick out a few pencils and put them in his bag. He has a whole box of pencils - he just loves them. All he was doing was trying to show another kid his new pencils. Period. That's why they didn't call me, or drag him out of class, or anything like that. It WASN'T an aggressive act, and they KNEW it. He was just proud, and showing off. More lies.
Then the rep from the Autism Team mentions that the case manager and special ed teacher has been looking into putting Nathan into a confined classroom. What the heck??? Now that the aggression is, by all agreement, significantly reduced? I jumped on that and said, "Why would you consider pulling him out of mainstream classes when he has done so well in mainstream in the past? He had fabulous grades, all up until January!" She looked at me and said, "He's changed." What the ---??? I exclaimed, "He hasn't changed!" Then we got interrupted yet again. This is really ticking me off now.
Now I get it. The teacher lying about the pencils, the comments about how he's aggressive and disruptive to the other students, the discussion with the Autism Team about confined classroom - they want to get him out of there. Here THEY CREATED THIS MESS, by dumping him with 30-40 hours of homework each week, even though we warned them about it, and asked them to stop, even though we told them he was shutting down, and now, when he flips out and throws fits, they punish him by yanking him out of his classroom, and treating him like he's some kind of spoiled rotten brat, or worse yet - a monster, and justify their own use of restraint, which also WORSENS the situation, as I TOLD them it would.
What's wrong with these people???
That case manager is such a cold, hostile, manipulative bundle of ice. I personally believe she has a great deal to do with my son's lack of success in school. He had extremely good grades, right up until the day she started. I've seen her do things that definately upset my son, and claim ignorance that it would have that effect. For example, while I was trying to calm my son, after a particularly bad meltdown, she stood across the room and kept flicking the lights on and off! I have no idea what the purpose of this was (I was too caught up in trying to calm him to stop her), and with my son's hypersensitivity to light, this could only escalate him. It's stated in his IEP that he's sensitive to light! Why would someone do that??? She also moved his desk that day, and then told me she was positive that this had nothing to do with Nathan's meltdown. WHAT?? It also says in his IEP that he can't handle change or transitions! He also had a similar meltdown when they changed his seat on the bus! (But of course, she was "sure" the meltdown was due to the fact that he needed stronger, or different, meds. The desk being moved had "nothing to do with it." Idiot.) In addition to the way she mishandles the situation, she also mishandles my son. She is always involved in the restraint. She acts like he is a monster, and can't stand him.
During the meeting, I just about jumped up and cheered. The Director of Special Ed (the case manager's boss, by the way) asked the group what had changed in January, when my son's grades had suddenly tanked, and his meltdowns increased in severity and frequency. The case manager spoke up and said it was when she came back to work. That little statement hung in the air, with this HUGE pregnant pause. HA!! I wanted to add a bunch of other things that had happened back in January, to justify how none of this had anything to do with the meds, but had everything to do with being overwhelmed by school and the situation with the dog, (not to mention the obvious dislike his teacher, principal and case manager have for him) but I didn't want to interrupt that big revelation that was hanging over the table, how everything changed when she came on the case. I LOVED IT. I did later get to mention some of the other things, like the dog, which they thought would have a big impact on him (how come no one believed me when I said that back in January?), and of course the overload of homework. They still won't let me restrict the number of hours he does homework though. Can you believe that? I'm going to continue to fight for that.
Anyway, they finally admitted they had to reconvene the meeting. They had prepared the Behavior Management Plan based on the fact that the 'target behavior' was aggression, but now that is not the case. Now they need to target Nathan's unwillingness to do any schoolwork.
They had a copy of the rough draft of the IEP, for me to look over in the meantime. Good. I wanted to see if restraint was still in it. (It better not be.) They also had a rough draft of the behavior management plan there, that was to target the aggression. I took that as well.
When I got home, I went through the IEP. I was scanning for the word "restraint." What surprised me is that I found it in the Behavior Management Plan! They list the target behavior as aggression. They also state that one of the consequences of the target behavior is RESTRAINT!! You know what that sounds like to me?! Like the restraint is being used as PUNISHMENT for his "bad behavior," which is what we have been afraid of! I can't believe this. I am fuming now. I made it abundantly clear that I wanted NO MORE RESTRAINT. (I know they can use a certain amount of restraint with him, whether I give permission or not, like to prevent him from hitting another child, for example, but I will not consent to using restraint as punishment for my child!!) Not only that, but how the restraint is being administered is definately in question. Restraint shouldn't leave bruises, it shouldn't leave my son with aching arms and shoulders and chest for three days, and he most certainly shouldn't be taunted while being restrained! He should also not be carried by his ankles and wrists, spread eagle, down the hallway, and it shouldn't require FOUR OR FIVE ADULTS to restrain one little kid!! And I highly doubt all of the individual applying this restraint have any training in proper restraint at all!
I've had it!
Okay, there were some positive points to the meeting. After all, the Director of Special Ed was super nice. He really seemed caring and compassionate, two qualities that were desperately needed in these meetings. He also never left me feeling ignored, or manipulated, or ganged up on.
The rep from Easter Seals has been incredible for keeping me sane. She tells me about how things can't progress in the direction the case manager wants until it goes through a long process. She has a calming influence on me, that keeps me from having my own little meltdown, right there in the meeting.
The woman from the Autism Team also seems to really have Nathan's academic success as a priority, and she also shows great caring. She also understands about meltdowns and sensory issues and such, and doesn't have that "he's a monster" bias.
The Speech Therapist, bless her heart, actually stopped us before we left and told us how she has seen Nathan really making progress lately, and gave us some examples. She was so nice about it, and she was the only regular member of the IEP team who even had a pleasant thing to say about my son, and a positive story to share with us. I intend to write her a note and thank her for that. She obviously went out of her way to make sure we heard about it.
With the Special Ed Director, the Autism Team Rep, and the Easter Seals Rep, it certainly seems to level the playing field a little. There are several people now who have knowledge about autism, and don't automatically assume my child is "bad," "spoiled," or "a monster."
I also invited my son's doctor to the next meeting. I don't know if he will show or not, but it couldn't hurt to ask.
The Easter Seals Rep told me that now that the Special Ed Director is in the meetings, that she feels "cautiously optimistic." I looked at her like she was far more optimistic than I was. But she knows him better than I do, and assures me his is very compassionate and caring. I do believe her. So I try to tell myself that I am cautiously optimistic too. When I think of those three people being involved, my optimism increases. I can't say the same when I think about the others involved with my son.
The next IEP is in about a week and a half. God help me.
