Broken Toe

Friday wasn't a whole lot better. Nathan had problems at school, but at least this time they kept him there and didn't make me come get him. His OT said he seemed to be overwhelmed by schoolwork, and that any hint of him slipping behind is extremely upsetting to him. I explained that the huge quantity of homework that hit him right after Christmas was just too much for him, and he doesn't seem to trust that he won't go back to that again. She agreed. She also thought it was a bad idea to send him home every time he throws a fit. She's afraid he'll start using fits to get out of school. I agreed.

In his folder was the letter saying they want to hold another IEP meeting, with everyone invited. I nearly flipped when I saw the school psychologist listed. No way is he getting involved again. I can't let that happen.

Noticibly absent from the IEP letter was the phrase "to re-evaluate his meds." (Not that this isn't the intent, it just isn't stated). It says it's to "review and or develop your child's IEP and determine the child's educational placement." (This is a form letter, with boxes to check). I also noted the absense of a checkmark next to "consider the need for a functional behavioral assessment for your child." How odd.

Also in his folder was a note from the special ed teacher regarding his day. She said he was kept in the resource room due to "high level of anxiety resulting in aggressive and violent behavior." Shc has been repeatedly using that word "anxiety" to justify the school's insistance that Nathan be put on stronger or different drugs. I notice that no one ever tries to figure out what is behind the anxiety or the behavior. I don't think anyone cares. They just seem to want him drugged.

Saturday, dh and I awoke to screaming. Nathan was running through the house, and he hit his foot into our aquarium. This is no little aquarium. This is a 70 gallon aquarium, weighing somewhere in the vicinity of 300 pounds - it had no give in it when Nathan ran his foot smack dab into it. Oh, the poor kid! His toenail even cut the skin on his toe (and blood and Nathan do not get along). He was literally wailing when he saw it was bleeding. He could slightly bend his toes, and could walk on the foot, so we decided to wait and see how it went. I tried to get Nathan to ice it, but that was short-lived. It didn't seem to swell up much or anything, and sometimes he would walk fairly normally on it, without a discernable limp. We figured he could have broken a toe (or more), but I know from past experience that there isn't much they can do for a toe. (I had a similar accident when I was a teenager). There was a bit of a bruise, in the shape of a triangle, from his middle toes to a point on the top of his foot. Not too bad. Yet.

However, the next morning, that bruise had extended across his toes, and up his foot, and around to the side of his foot. There was also swelling. I knew this was not just a jammed toe. I told dh we needed to get him to a doctor. He figured I was probably over-reacting, but I figured I would rather be accused of over-reacting than to have something wrong and know I did nothing about it. So off we went to the emergency clinic.

It was a broken toe. It wasn't too bad of a break, but it sure looked awful. They put him in a "boot," with two toes taped together with a mini elastic bandage. He can walk fairly well on it. No gym, no physical exertion. Tylenol or Motrin for the pain. We go back next weekend to have them follow up on it.

The pain is pretty bad for him, but fortunately the Motrin seems to keep it pretty much at bay, and lasts most of the school day. But he's really stretched thin on what he can tolerate, and he's very sensitive. I don't blame him. I would be too.

Today the special ed teacher called and told me that she knew she wasn't supposed to include their school psychologist in the IEP, but they hadn't determined who they would use, so she just put the title down without a name. She thought they might go with a retired school pscyhologist. I suggested they use the same girl they did before. (After all, she had a really good rapor with Nathan). She may have been a student, though, so I don't know if that's an option. At least the guy we dealt with before will not be a part of this.

Ironically, I just finished reading my brand new copy of Nathan's IEP. It says that we discussed restraining Nathan at the last IEP meeting, which is not true at all. The special ed teacher brought up restraining Nathan to me several days later, at a Valentine's Day party, and I told her it only served to worsen the situation, and hugely escalated his meltdown. It says in the IEP that "CPI physical restraints may be used." (I have never been told what CPI means)> The IEP also stated that the principal attended the meeting, which was not true. Then she included a copy of the Autism Team's recommendations. She had told me before that they recommended medication. Funny, there isn't a SINGLE WORD about medication in their recommendations!

I'm so worn out. I wish life would just smile on us for a while. We've had a lot of bad times, and not too many good times to balance it out.

Angel Pin

I wrote to Carla's Angels, a jeweler who makes angel pins, and asked her to create an angel pin for my son. I also asked if she would incorporate a puzzle piece into the design, and make it available to the public for Autism Awareness jewelry. Here is the design she came up with. http://www.carlasangels.com/asperger-autism-angel-pin.htm(Note: the pin is all silver - the rainbow effect only occurs when she photographs the pins)You can have the puzzle piece painted any color you like, and you can have the heart engraved with your angel's name. She can also put your angel's birthstone on the heart. It's very reasonably priced, too!!(I just left mine silver and I opted to not have the birthstone, but I did have it engraved. I can't wait to wear it! :)

Death and Meltdowns

This has been an awful week.

Riley had his surgery. The operation went well, and he came home. However, the bad news came a few days later, when the doctor informed us that the biopsy indicated it was an extremely aggressive and invasive cancer. He said this was not good news, and that we would discuss what to expect when we brought Riley in to have his stitches removed. We began preparing Nathan to face the fact that Riley would not be with us much longer.

On Friday, Feb. 2, we noticed Riley had a severe limp. Dh and I knew that this was the beginning of the end, but we still had this hope that we were mistaken. Last Saturday, when dh went to work, I heard Riley start crying. He kept moaning and crying - it was awful. That's when he started getting sick to his stomach. I called dh, and he told me to give him one of the pain pills.

Dh came home early from work, and we all said goodbye to Riley. Nathan was really shook up. Dh took him to the vet, and as we expected, the vet said, "it's time."

Riley died Saturday, February 3rd.

Tuesday, I got a call from the school. They said that Nathan had been in the office since 11:30 (this was at 1:30, when I got the phone call). They said there was also an "incident."

I had to dig my car out of about 4" of snow before I left work. By the time I got to school, Nathan was no longer in the office, and was now in the after school care program. He sounded awful. I got him home, only to discover he had a low grade fever. I turned right back around and faced the snow again, to take him to the walk-in clinic. We were there for over three hours. The doc said he just had a sore throat, no strep or anything, and he was fine to go back to school.

During our endless wait in the doctor's waiting room, Nathan told me that he had told the para at school that he had a sore throat, early in the morning. I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't sent to the nurse's office?? Anyway, I did ask him why he didn't ask them to take him to the office (when they didn't automatically offer to take him), and he said he didn't know he could do that. He knew he could go to the office if he had an upset tummy, or a headache, but he didn't know he could for a sore throat. I guess I didn't specify that a sore throat "counts" when it comes to illness. I tried to explain to him that it was for anything that made him feel yucky. I hope that covers any other ailment that we haven't come across yet.

After a while, the sore throat got to be too much for him, and had him so frustrated, that he had a melt down in school. Poor kid. The school was upset about it - you could tell when they called. But why the hell didn't they take him to the nurse's office when he first complained about being sick? Doesn't it occur to anybody that he can only handle so much? Sigh.

The next day, there was no fever at all, and no headaches, and Nathan claimed to feel great. I sent a note to school, instructing them to call dh if Nathan felt worse. I had my eye doctor appointment. I also warned them that Nathan would be very sensitive.

Oh, speaking of the eye appointment. I do have a blind spot in both eyes. Nothing to be done about it, at least unless it gets worse. Oh goody.

So that brings me to Thursday. Thursday I get another phone call from the school. They said Nathan was in the middle of a major meltdown. He threw scissors!! He was also tearing the place apart. It took three people to remove him from the classroom. (Great. That means they restrained him - a sure way to elevate the tantrum instantly). I was told they not only wanted me to come and get him, but that demanded that "Nathan's meds be re-evaluated." The meds were "not strong enough," and were "no longer doing the trick." I pointed out that his meds were for hyperactivity (ADHD) and to help him focus on his schoolwork, and had nothing to do with meltdowns. How would increasing his meds reduce the meltdowns? That's when she told me that Nathan needed NEW meds. I pointed out that the poor little guy had his dog die, and was sick, and suggested that this was all just too much for him. They insisted that Nathan had been acting up for weeks, and that now there was "an incident every day." (Funny, I didn't hear about daily incidents, only the one on Tuesday.)

I brought up the fact that they had met with the Autism Team at school (a meeting that they held in spite of the fact that I told them I couldn't come, due to my eye appointment - they didn't want to wait for the Autism Team to be available again - it could be a long wait). I asked if the Autism Team had any recommendations for Nathan. Oh yes, they most certainly did! They recommended that Nathan needed meds, too! Stunned, I asked, "Did they suggest what medicine to give for autism?" "Oh no," she replied, "They aren't doctors. They can't recommend specific medications." Interesting.

That's when they informed me that they are calling a new IEP meeting, one to specifically address "Re-Evaluating Nathan's Meds." They are going to include the entire Special Ed Department, The Autism Team, and oh yeah, dh and I. All to address the issue that Nathan's meds were not enough, that they either needed to be strengthened or a new drug needed to be administered! Then she told me that she had to get off the phone, to assist the principal with Nathan. (Yeah? Who's assisting Nathan?)

I got to the school as quickly as I could. What a site I walked in on! There was a trail of markers and papers on the floor, and overturned chairs, presumably the work of Nathan. I followed the trail into the principal's office. There I found the principal and the para and the special ed teacher all in a semi-circle, cornering Nathan. They were all just standing there, keeping him cornered. Oh geez! Poor kid. Nathan was standing there with his back to the corner, his arms locked at his sides, growling. Shit. Nothing like seeing your son treated like an animal.

I went up and tried to talk to Nathan, who even took a swipe at my hand when I reached for him. What did they do to him?? I did my best to position myself between Nathan and his captors. I pulled up a chair, and tried to talk to him calmly, suggesting that we leave the office and go to the Sensory Room. (The principal and company had been trying to get him there since the incident.) Within minutes, I was able to coax him out, reluctant but walking, and talking a little. Hey, I'll take all the improvement I can get.

I tried to walk casually down to the room, but then the para and the special ed teacher got in front of us, and started talking to him to. Nathan stopped in his tracks. Shit! Can't they see I'm getting somewhere with him, and leave the two of us alone?? I turned and said that I would meet them down there. One walked off, the other went to the sensory room. I was then able to keep Nathan moving forward.

Nathan likes the para, so having her in the sensory room was very good. The two of us had him smiling within minutes! He was not over the whole thing yet, still acting fairly wild - not violent, just hyper, swinging things, and not yet in control. We were able to get him significantly calmer though. I finally got him to tell me what set him off. He said the teacher got ahead of him when they were doing math, and he was upset to fall behind. The para said this seems to be a pervasive theme. I told her that Nathan had a cold, and he lost his dog, and he probably also picked up on the stress I was feeling being tested for glaucoma and macular degeneration. That's a lot for any kid. She happened to mention, too, that the school had not had any recess for weeks because of the extreme cold snap we were in. They kids stayed in their classrooms. Not good - Nathan needs that break, and to get out of that room for a while, and he needs the opportunity to burn off that energy, too. There were a lot of things working against him.

I returned to the principal's office to pick up my purse, and was informed that Nathan had been suspended for a day. Oh great. He had thrown things, threw scissors at his teacher, hit the principal in the head with a box of some kind (crayon box, according to Nathan), punched the special ed teacher in the stomach (I think that was when she tried to restrain him). The principal said she had talked to Nathan and she could tell that he knew what he was doing, and that he knew it was wrong, and he didn't care. So she felt it was justified to suspend him.

Nathan was still in the middle of the meltdown while I was at school, so she couldn't have talked to him when he was in control. No possible way. How can anyone expect a kid in full blown meltdown mode be able to communicate effectively about his actions or behavior - he can't even control his actions or behavior! Geez, he probably said all kinds of awful things in the heat of his meltdown. That doesn't mean he meant it. I can't help but feel like they are punishing him for something out of his control, and when they were working to make the whole incident worse for him. To me, that's like punishing a diabetic for having a seizure after you fed him a bunch of sugar.

We brought him to the classroom, but the bell had just rung, and all the kids were rushing out - a lot of activity to add to his sensory overload. His buddy did his best to act like a clown, and I saw Nathan go right back into a defensive mode. I tried to get him to help clean up, but he kept protesting that he didn't throw all that stuff on the floor that I was making him pick up. I had a hard time believing that, until his teacher confirmed that part of the mess was the result of two kids leaving their papers all over their desks and the floor! Geez, those mess WERE bigger than Nathan's! No wonder he was getting mad at me for insisting we clean it (but we did it anyway.)

His teacher came up and told me how upset she was that Nathan had acted like that toward her, that he threw things at her. She tried to ignore it because he was only throwing paper at first, but then he started thowing other stuff, like crayons, and she ingored it again! (Hey wait a minute - don't you think ignoring him was frustrating him further? He threw it because he didn't know how to communicate something to you!) That's when he threw the scissors, and that scared her. (These were safety scissors, not pointed ones, so it isn't quite as bad as it sounds). I said that Nathan had told me he had fallen behind in math, and this is what set him over the edge. She absolutely denied this, insisting that math was over and graded, and they had moved on! She said that Nathan got upset because he wanted to color, and she wanted him to do work!

Huh! That's odd! Nathan's usually pretty straight forward when he tells you what got him upset. When he's able to talk, that is. I was surprised that he didn't tell me.

On the way home, I tried to talk to Nathan about this, and he got very upset. He denied that he had the fit over coloring. He was adamant that it was the math! When we got home, he even pulled out the math paper and showed me - she had sent it home as homework!

Well now, this was all making more sense. For him to fall behind is still horribly upsetting, because he still fears the ton of paperwork that he's had until now. I tried to remind him that we are not going to do more than two half-hour segments of homework a night, with a break in between. The IEP team all agreed on that. But poor Nathan has no confidence in this yet, and still fears the 6 hour stretches of homework.

I'm still so upset about all this. It brings back all the issues we dealt with before with Nathan at that school, how they just kept suspending him every time he got upset, until they threatened to expel him, unless of course we agreed to put him on meds. It's a different principal, different teacher, but the same tactic. I feel railroaded, and trapped.

I realize Nathan's meltdowns are horrible. I know there is a problem. I am NOT convinced he needs to be medicated to resolve it. He is not medicated at all at home, and yet we don't have the issues the school does. Hell, when they were sending home over 40 hours of homework a week, I was teaching him without any meds at all, and without benefit of a teacher's training - yet we did it all without a single meltdown! Why is that? I was actually spending more time teaching him than the teacher did at school, too - they only have school for 30 hours a week. He doesn't require medications to learn. He needs help with communicating when he gets frustrated, sick, overloaded, or overstimulated. He needs help identifying when he is getting overloaded, and he needs ways to diffuse that for himself, or to get away from the rest of the group until he can get under control.

He needs someone to care about him.